Something is going on that has me very concerned. I feel very low on energy much of the time. I think this developed within the last two to three weeks. I barely have the energy to get out of bed. Just getting through a normal work day takes a lot of effort.

At this point, I do not consider the symptoms to be a sign of depression. On those days where I get plenty of rest (like maybe 10 hours) and don't overdo things, I feel fine and life is wonderful. Yesterday, my boss was telling me that people continue to comment on how happy I am and how obvious it is that I am so much more comfortable with myself.

I am getting to bed no later than 11 PM and sometimes sooner. One thing I still need to work on is a more regular eating schedule, so tonight I will have dinner by 7 PM instead of waiting until 10:30 or later.

I am starting to exercise every day. I know exercise is important but I have neglected it for months in favor of writing and other 'fun' activities. I need to wise up and exercise regularly no matter what. No excuses will be accepted!

This afternoon, I called my hormone doctor's office and made an appointment to see her Friday. I want to be sure there is nothing else going on. Taking estrogen increases my risk of developing diabetes. I suspect I am in a 'prediabetic' state now. My blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, HDL/LDL, etc. were fine at my last hormone checkup in early October.

Whatever is going on, I want to identify the problem and take action to resolve it. I am afraid that I will need to stop taking estrogen if I simply wait and do nothing.

I still feel happy much of the time but I am under a lot of stress. Part of my action plan is to reduce some of that stress. I have been trying to do too many things. We had a company party today. Afterwards, a friend in Human Resources was commenting on a number of very positive things I have been doing lately. She is familiar with most of what I do outside the office. Like me, she is interested in photography. I commented that I did not have the time I wanted for photography. Her reply was "Of course you don't, look at all the other things you are doing". I was surrprised by her remark because I typically feel like I am not doing enough and I should be able to fit time in for everything I want to do The problem there is that there are far too many things that I want to do in a bad way. This was not so before I transitioned. I guess I'm still learning how to handle this new life. Danya needs to get real, wise up and make some mid-course corrections on how she handles her life

When my energy level is very low, I can lose the ability to view my situation realistically. For several hours last night, it seemed like nothing was right in my life. This is despite the fact that over the last 10 days I have accomplished several major things that I would have thought impossible before I transitioned.

All of my hopes started to seem out of reach because I do not have the energy to make them happen. I will not allow this situation to continue and I will get my life back on track.

Check the level of anti androgen meds you take. Perhapes you've dialed down the Testosterone level to below the correct female mix? Or maybe the Estrogen / progesterone levels are weird?

Sleep stuff we talked about. Melatonin and DHEA help us

Mr (& Mrs) T

Hi MrT (& Mrs T, too!),

I am not taking progesterone. The use of progesterone in MtFs is controversial. It may help further breast development but even that is unclear. When I was at the U of M gender program, the physician there said she never prescribes it. I know there are other doctors who do.

Your point is well-taken on the anti-androgen. That is one thing I will discuss, along with the DHEA. I sleep well when I exercise.

My boss has diabetes and I got some first-hand information on that from him today. I don't think my symptoms fit even prediabetes, but I will let the doctor decide.

I was doing so well today, after two nights straight with exercise, that I briefly considered canceling the doctor appointment tomorrow. I decided it's best to be safe so I will see her. My gender therapist, who I saw today, agrees.

Tonight, I will venture out with a young trans person I met through a talk I gave. I enjoy B's company. He invited me to go to a glam rock performance presented by a transgender woman. I had to look up what 'glam rock' is! This will be a totally new experience.

I had planned to stay home this evening and work on my finances but seeing B is part of my de-stressing routine. I'll be sure to get home early enough to exercise before bed.

My second post here, but, As a total type "A" personality, or as I try and remind myself "Martyr complex" sometimes it is necessary to stop, collect yourself, and remember life is good just the way it is. I have the problem of taking on everything and being disappointed that I do nothing well.

Try and place yourself in the shoes of one going through puberty the first time. However, reflect and think about the ways you could have changed your actions if "You only knew". However, now you are lucky enough to enjoy puberty again without making the same mistakes. My 0.2

P.S. Thank you to the moderators, the spell check is awesome

jjayman3 (imported) wrote: Fri Dec 05, 2008 8:53 pm My second post here, but, As a total type "A" personality, or as I try and remind myself "Martyr complex" sometimes it is necessary to stop, collect yourself, and remember life is good just the way it is. I have the problem of taking on everything and being disappointed that I do nothing well.

Hi jjayman3,

I suffered big time from a martyr complex before I transitioned. It can still be a problem for me at times and that is when I need to rest and just be, appreciating the moment. Your advice is right on target. Even a teenager needs some life balance.

My life is very good and I am still in awe of this result of transitioning, nearly 7 months after my transition date. I suppose someday I will get used to this. Even when I am a bit down and worn out, I know my life is very rich and I cannot believe my good fortune.

I suspect people I speak with regularly tired some time ago of hearing how great everything is in my life and how excited I am. You know who you are! I am fortunate to have several friends here who are still willing to listen, after 7 months, to my latest discovery or achievement.

I went to a large mall last week, the day before Thanksgiving. There were lots of out-of-school kids with their friends and parents. I needed to use the women's rest room. I am always confident in who I am and no one has ever questioned my presence in the women's room. This was the first time, though, when a large number of young girls were there. Young children tend to say whatever is on their minds. I fit right in, taking time at the mirror to reapply my lipstick and touch up my makeup. There were children milling all around me. Not one girl said anything about my presence. This was a

Danya (imported) wrote: Wed Sep 17, 2008 6:21 pm powerful affirmation of who I am.

There is one good friend I tend to call as soon as there is another exciting development ...right after I got out of the women's room, I called him with the 'exciting' news of my acceptance by the young female children. I was really excited and he was his usual caring self, taking the time to listen and mirroring back to me what my experience meant.

There are so many caring people here. I appreci

jjayman3 (imported) wrote: Fri Dec 05, 2008 8:53 pm ate your taking the time to write and share, jjayman3.

Try and place yourself in the shoes of one going through puberty the first time. However, reflect and think about the ways you could have changed your actions if "You only knew". However, now you are lucky enough to enjoy puberty again without making the same mistakes. My 0.2

P.S. Th

ank you to the moderators, the spell check is awesome

Fortunately or not, I never made any mistakes throughout puberty #1. I hated what it was doing to me, I never rebelled, I never made a fool of myself in any way and I remained the perfect child I had always been. A problem with this was, that child was not a child at all but an adult, as I had been a little adult since a very young age.

Your two cents are worth a lot and I appreciate your writing. I do need to enjoy this second puberty. It's quite an adventure and the chance to discover who I really am. I don't want to miss that. Danya gets to grow up at last!

Hugs,

Danya

....

Danya (imported) wrote: Fri Dec 05, 2008 6:17 pm Tonight, I will venture out with a young trans person I met through a talk I gave. I enjoy B's company. He invited me to go to a glam rock performance presented by a transgender woman. I had to look up what 'glam rock' is! This will be a totally new experience.

I had

a terrific time with my young trans friend, 'B'. 'B' brought along a gay friend, a student from halfway around the world. I will call him 'G'. It was good to catch up on news from 'B' and I got on well with 'G'. Somehow, I didn't really feel that I was roughly 35 years older than they are. Maybe 5 years older, tops!

This was a very good experience for me. I felt honored to be so easily included into their conversation and company. In a way, I started to feel that they were the children I never had.

Well! You passed the sniff test with kids. That (to me) sounds like a very big thing. It affirms some basic things that are (I'm sure) still a positive kick to you as you move forward.

I spent a lot of time today working through my financial situation, again. Since I transitioned, my spending has gone way down in most areas because I am so happy. Before then, I tended to spend too much to ease my unhappiness. That's not a very smart thing to do and I am thankful I have moved beyond my desire to spend too freely.

Now I am surprised at how little I need to spend, relatively speaking, and I am leading a much simpler life. I am still very happy.

December 19th will mark the 7 month anniversary of my transition day, and today is exactly 6 months since I started estrogen. I am working on a plan to pay for GRS as I continue to pay down my debt and save money for emergencies.

I am very hopeful that I will be able to afford GRS in two years at most. It is likely that my company will start covering GRS, if not for 2009 then in 2010. If they do, I may be seeing a surgeon at the end of 2009.

My life is far better than I thought possible a year ago, when I started gender therapy. The longer I am on estrogen, the more feminine I feel and I revel in that pleasure. Just in the last month, it seems I have made a lot of progress in letting go my former 'male' persona. Without 'him' in the way, I feel like I am blossoming.

More men are looking at me with obvious interest, particularly on days when I am wearing a dress or skirt and top. I absolutely know now, not only on an intellectual level but also in a deeply emotional, visceral way, that I am truly a woman.

When I transitioned, I knew my identity was female and that I wanted to live my life as a woman. I was very happy from the beginning of this journey. With the benefit of estrogen and living 24/7 as my true self, my emotions are now much more feminine. This is what drives my desire for GRS.

Now and then, I get a little concerned that my health will deteriorate in some way that will prevent my ever having GRS. I am 56, after all! This is a possibility, but I do not dwell on it long. Should something happen, I will deal with the disappointment and go on with my life as a woman.

How are ya Danya,

As to age, women generally live longer than men, so sounds like you are moving in the right direction for the best health and longevity. You won't have to worry about menopause and PMS to some degree -- yet I know the hormones nicely simulate the full feminine experience.

As to you saving money, that is amazingly attractive. A frugal woman is hard to come by and almost a contradiction in terms in my experience. It seems to be a woman's innate prerogative to be a shopaholic.

As to all your sharing on this thread, and especially on Sarah's new thread, you deserve to be on the list for Sainthood. So, here's to you Danya, and to Sarah, and to all the hugs you are saving the world with.

-NeinNaziYahLittleNuts

NaziNuts (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 08, 2008 7:48 pm How are ya Danya,

As to age, women generally live longer than men, so sounds like you are moving in the right direction for the best health and longevity. You won't have to worry about menopause and PMS to some degree -- yet I know the hormones nicely simulate the full feminine experience.

As to you saving money, that is amazingly attractive. A frugal woman is hard to come by and almost a contradiction in terms in my experience. It seems to be a woman's innate prerogative to be a shopaholic.

As to all your sharing on this thread, and especially on Sarah's new thread, you deserve to be on the list for Sainthood. So, here's to you Danya, and to Sarah, and to all the hugs you are saving the world with.

-NeinNaziYahLittleNuts

Hi NN,

It's good to hear from you!

My doctor was supposed to call if the blood work indicated a problem. I expect I would have heard from her by now if that were the case. The office was supposed to mail me the results if everything if fine. When I know what's up, I'll report it here.

I am surprised at how frugal I have become. My natural inclination does tend toward shopaholic, I'm afraid. Nonetheless, I am learning an important lessen now as I keep to a tight budget.

Danya (imported) wrote: Sat Aug 16, 2008 3:53 pm I appreciate your kind remarks

more than you know.

Hugs,

Danya