OneBallBoi (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 23, 2014 8:56 pm
Glad to hear you are moving on from being a care giver. I was care giver for my mother for 25 years. Yes, there comes a time for a change in life. You can not do it forever.
Thank you. Yes it is time for a change. As a caregiver the duties begin near the end of life. I used to say I felt like the angel of death since I was hovering around at the last. It will be a nice break from pain and suffering. There are still a few people that I would drop everything for if they needed me.
Just walked the dog after eight hours of work and Dwight is singing while I drink some wine. Better than orange juice I must say. Scrambled some eggs, toasted a slice of bread and refilled my glass. Third shift gives a different perspective of the world. I find myself quite comfortable with the denizens of the dark. We seem accepting of each other's plight.
Sing it Dwight "Ain't That Lonely Yet". The last two nights I have been trained by a man that is the most rude and condescending person I have ever met. I could have knocked him on his ass for being such a prick. He made a list and when I went to check it I said I will do what is next. He said I have already done it. So then the next time I asked him what he wanted me to do next and he said check the list. Two whole nights of always being wrong. I thought oh great another abusive relationship. Here I am once again always being wrong.
I do not have to work with him tonight. This job may be short lived. It is only retail but they are acting like it is life or death. I find them all rather curious and the job boring.
I don't know if I could handle working nights - I admire your ability to do that! Retail sure is challenging, and during my time there I learned it was not something I really wanted to do for the rest of my life. However, you might want to hang in there a little longer before making any final decisions. Best wishes!
Well I quit my new job. Yes 6 nights was enough. It was a combination of them and me. First the them was the incredible urgency of the tasks that need to be completed. The last night I worked and the manager who was training me had a reset to do which took her 7 hours. She assigned me to the office for my assessments which took 2 1/2 hours with interruptions to wait on customers. After I completed the ones that were needed I went back to routine tasks. Normally it takes two employees to accomplish all the night shift tasks so I knew we were running short of time. I asked her how we should prioritize the remaining tasks and she said "It all needs done". Well pull a rabbit out of my ass I had no idea how that was going to happen. There sadly was much more telling than training in my 6 days of employment. Faster, faster is what I heard most of the time. Wow I am rushing in retail the way I used to rush to Code Blues to save a life. Hey kids it is only retail.
Now for the me. OMG my legs were killing me. As I have mentioned before my three types of blood cells are at alarm level low and may be lower than last reported. Red blood cells carry oxygen to the muscles and I think mine were suffocating. My thighs would burn and my calves ached. I often looked at my pants to make sure they were not singed. Then home in bed trying to rest they would cramp. Believe me I take supplements for many things including magnesium for my muscles. Towards morning moving my legs were like dragging lead. I was envious of the Tin Man and his hollow tin legs. Arriving home it was time to walk my dog. As much as I love my dog I was resenting the walks I used to enjoy. The days when Michael and I would work out I was used to how the legs would feel after leg day. The more you worked the legs the less intense the burn was but over the past six days the pain worsened with each day.
This could all be a combination of age, lack of T and poor blood. I will be looking for a job that requires some time at a desk or does not require so much hustle. I will not try nights again. Wow it is tough to face and acknowledge limitations. Oh well I feel better about tonight's long walk with my dog. He does not seem to notice I am 58 years old just his walking and hunting buddy.
I was hoping this would work out for you, but it sounds like you did what you needed to do!
From what I understand, that fast-paced thing is pretty typical in business environments today, especially in retail and other customer-oriented workplaces. This is a fast-paced world we live in, and the pace is only getting faster. A lot of the reason for it is because people have often come to expect to get through things as fast as possible. Customers want to receive service immediately and have it completed quickly so they can rush off to the next demand on their time. Businesses have to adapt by requiring all tasks to be completed as quickly as possible.
My internal clock runs at a much more leisurely pace than most of the world, and I suffer when it comes to jobs. My first boss at the bank often told me that a big weakness of mine was that I did not display a "sense of urgency." Apparently I was supposed to treat every task as if someone would die if it wasn't completed that instant. I know that I neither enjoy nor thrive in fast-paced environments as job postings insist upon, but unfortunately those fast-paced jobs are often the easiest to come by for those with little work experience, and slow-paced introverts have to pay the bills just like anyone else. With your skills and experience, you should be able to find the kind of job you are looking for.
If your health was suffering, then leaving the job was definitely a good decision. You need to take care of yourself first.
Just a quick note for you.. Look in the grocery store where the frozen Orange Juice Concentrates are. Look for a quart plastic bottle of Black Cherry Concentrate. Suppose to take 1 oz. per day. It mixes with everything. Suppose to help with gout.. But I use and I think it helps with general knees that don't want to work any more. Tome's Ciropractor suggested it to him and he told me so I am taking it now too. Generally, I always feel natural remedies are far better than taking any perscription meds. Seems every perscription med has a side effect.
I received a text message that my most recent client passed away this morning. She died in a nursing home which is not what she wanted. My sadness surprised me. We got along pretty well and were together over 5 years with her husband for 3 of those 5 years.
I always thought of her much as I think of myself that we are both too mean to die. She and I were very much alike. I think that was the source of friction but also why she did not want anyone else caring for her. She was comfortable with a kindred spirit. We were both fussy in the same ways. As she developed some mild dementia I still did things as I did when she first taught me how she wanted tasks done. She had this evening caregiver that was so very lazy and when I told her at dusk she likes all the curtains drawn she would not do it. B never asked her to do it so she would not. It took a minute to pull the cords on the traverse rods.
As I mentioned in a previous post I was ready for a change in professions. There were days she would pick at me and I could not wait until I was no longer needed. She was one of my first clients that I considered leaving while there was still a need. She was the type of client who confused paying you with buying you. A friend stopped by and she mentioned to her friend that I would make her lunch. I smiled and said I am B's caregiver and not her butler. Butlers make more money and do not have to supply personal care. The woman was someone I worked with in the hospital and my mother went to school with and neither of us liked her. I was not making her lunch.
Now I have to pull my funeral suit out of the closet and see if a trip to the dry cleaners is needed.
Wednesday learned that a friend and former boss's 22 month grandson snuck out of the house and drowned in a pond.
Thursday found out a friend of 20 years and my age was in the hospital suffering from kidney failure.
Thursday stopped in a convenience store and who should come in but my rapist/abuser. He went to the other register and I tried to be unseen. He left without saying a word.
Friday back to a funeral home to pay my respects to the family of the little boy.
Friday was the anniversary of my young friends death 38 years ago.
Saturday, this morning, I woke up after one strange dream. The dream must have been inspired by that show where people come back from the dead. In the dream my young friend returned from the dead. He looked good. Of course he was still 19 and I was no longer 20. He was a youth of 19 and I was me at 58 and that seemed sad in many ways. All my fantasies of growing old together were gone with only one of us being old. In the dream he seemed more ethereal than physical. We never hugged, kissed or touched in any way. I was glad to be able to speak with him again and be in his company. What a strange and emotional dream.
After seeing my rapist I was thinking how many years you can go in this small city without seeing someone. Then I began to do the math which is something strange I do. I was last abused by him prior to my castration in December of 1997. Since the abuse lasted for 17.5 years I am almost to the point where I have been away from him almost as long as I was a victim. June of 2015 I will celebrate equal amount of time free. I have felt free for many years but that milestone is a good one for me. Sadly I was hoping the earth would have swallowed him up by now but seeing him did not create the panic it once did.
Tomorrow is Easter which has little significance for me. My friend actually died on Easter Sunday all those years ago. Now I get through tomorrow and can put all these thoughts of loss and sorrow behind me.
Do I really need to sleep tonight? I have been having romantic dreams of my investment banker. We were in bed and he discovered my testicles were missing. I told him I would explain later and I was completely comfortable with him. The other dream I had was me satisfying men of my past and a number of others. Both scenarios would make me uncomfortable in the daylight hours. I am so free in my dreams but so restrained in my waking hours.
I have started a new job that is so multi faceted that I am anxious about learning it. Everyone is complimentary about how I am doing. My night shift trainer told me that I have not cried or stormed out from frustration. I guess many have quit after the first night. This job is more mentally taxing than physically taxing. I am glad my brain is up to the task. I fear that as a no T eunuch I would have trouble learning but I seem to be grasping the duties. I will be pleased with myself when I master the job. I also am standing for eight hours a shift and do enjoy it.
I have befriended an elderly woman here in the apartment complex. I met her when I was walking my dog. She was coming home and was having trouble climbing above the snow drift. I saw her struggles and offered her an arm to hold onto. My dog Corky was very gentle and kind to her. Another time we were walking by and she was slipping on the snow and ice trying to take her trash to the dumpster. Corky and I stopped her and we helped her back to the building ad threw the trash in the dumpster. Since then we talk and I have helped her with other things and she decided she wanted to take me out for lunch. We went to the Olive Garden and had a nice lunch. She said something that surprised me that she was afraid she might embarrass me. I told her she could not embarrass me but I could embarrass myself. I wonder who made her think she could be an embarrassment?
Dreaming of a trip to Quebec City. Mother and I visited Quebec City from 1999 to 2005 except for one year we went to Philadelphia. I have never been to a city where I have felt more alive. Paris was incredible but Quebec City feels like home. I must have lived there in a past life. I need to walk the streets of the City.
I am glad to hear that you have found a new job. It sounds like this job may be a better fit for you than the last one. I definitely love to stand and move about when I am working. Keep us posted on how it is going!
