This was posted by Joanne-f on another thread of mine, but I want to make my response part of this transition thread. Joanne is referring here to May 19, my first day at work as Danya.
"I hope it all goes well. It will be a big day for you so I hope everything runs smoothly. Do you know what you're hoping for? Will it be good if it's just everyone carrying on as normal at your work, or do you expect/hope that people might ask you questions for their clarification?"
I suspect it will go well after I get over the initial hurdle of walking into work in front of lots of employees who know me.
I haven't had any problems going out in public as Danya and even my very first experience was in the crowded mall where I spent over 2 1/2 hours. I had a tremendous sense of freedom and happiness in that first excursion. I still feel this way when I go out dressed.
I'm finding there are other emotional issues coming up as transition day approaches. Like 'this is really it, can I handle it?' From what I read this is a common reaction. There's much more involved than simply appearing at work as Danya. There's the real issue of giving up 'male privilege'. I'm not certain I ever took much advantage of this but I'm fairly certain I'll notice it's absence.
In addition, and I've been working on this one for a while already, there's gradually giving up my male identity. Even though it's an identity I don't want, I spent years perfecting it to fit in. It's been an uncomfortable and very confining identity emotionally, and ultimately not at all fulfilling, but I'm used to it. The new happiness I've found helps me deal with releasing this male identity. OTOH, I by no means want to entirely let go of my past and the good parts.
I just read online somewhere that no matter how well prepared you are, it's not easy crossing the gender divide. As transition day approaches, I have some anxiety about this very major life change. In a way, I feel like I'm approaching a cliff and at some point I won't be able to turn back. It will be either sink or swim (maybe that should be fall to earth or fly
) - I will swim but it's still a bit scary. I'm confident that I can keep my anxiety from getting the better of me through support from people here on the Archive, from local friends and from my gender therapist.
All the 30 people I'm 'out' to at work have been very supportive, as has management up to the highest levels of the corporation. I'm hoping that on my first day at work as Maren, people will feel comfortable saying hello and smiling at me. I don't think I'll have any problem greeting other employees with a friendly smile. I've read in a few places that co-workers may have a bouquet waiting on the transitioning employee's desk. That would make be really happy. I'd probably start to cry but I'll need to manage that reaction at work. A few tears are fine, but outright sobbing probably isn't good for my professional reputation.
The thing is, management is doing a whole lot to prepare folks for my transition. This Friday, I'll meet with upper management to start planning for this day. It sounds like we'll bring in an outside expert for a meeting with interested/concerned employees. We'll have books and informational pamphlets available in Human Resources that employees can borrow. There's talk of a FAQ section on transgenderism and transsexualism on the company intranet.
A week before the big day, I expect upper management will send an email to everyone in the corporation announcing what will happen, that they fully back me, that I'm a valuable employee, that co-workers can continue to expect quality results from me, that I should be treated with respect, what my name will be and pronouns to use (and that I won't get at all upset if someone messes up here).
I've spoken to my boss about working from home the week before the big day. This will give employees a break from seeing me and perhaps make my arrival as Danya a little less surprising. On transition day, I will dress in slacks and somewhat androgynously to make this even easier. Truth is, I'd love to go in my first day in a nice dress but that would be too jarring. Besides, I'd probably be one of the best dressed women in the building - seriously. This isn't good on the first day at all. Maybe in 4 - 6 months I can start wearing some dresses.
The Senior VP of my division asked if I'd be comfortable with people asking me questions. I'm totally comfortable with this and would welcome appropriate questions. There will be other employees with questions who will want to talk with a neutral party like someone in HR.
In short (too late for that, I know)
, I expect many folks will just continue on as if it's a normal day and that's a good thing. Most people never spend much time thinking about gender at all and relative to what's going on in their own lives, my transitioning is a very minor matter. The purpose of the transition team is to make the whole thing minimally disruptive while offering clear support for what I'm doing. I expect some initial interest that will gradually subside.
Best wishes for success on your big day!