Question: What can't a duck do that a goose can, and a lawyer should?

Answer: stick his bill up his ass...

(hey, I found four pages of lawyer jokes, really cruel nasty lawyer jokes. My heart fills with glee...)

Question: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving together?

Answer: Skeet

And of course there's the really old one:

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the middle of the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?

Skid marks in front of the skunk.

Sandi

(Good joke... I didn't have that it on the list.)

q: What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

a: A tick falls off you when you die

q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

a: both have a one in three million chance of becoming human.

It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

Movie madness:

So I watched THE TOWERING INFERNO because ENCORE had it available.

All those Irwin Allen special effects holds up to scrutiny and the movie is better than lots of disaster films.

It's a long movie - about 2 hours, 45 minutes. The script was written by Stirling Silliphant and intellectual.

It's not a cliche ridden pile of dumb effects. This film works at being real.

Of course we have Paul Newman, Steve McQueen, William Holden, Faye Dunaway, Fred Astaire and a whole host to other excellent actors. Newman and McQueen always demanded good scripts

Another Disaster film that is available and I will watch one night when I don't want to yell at politics (when I Say things no human should say to anyone let alone politicians, it's time to watch and old movie) is EARTHQUAKE.

I saw it in theaters but not in the silliness of SENSE-SURROUND sound. The theater was right in downtown Pittsburgh and the building had neighboring buildings. The "earthquake bass" was so powerful that things shook off shelves in the buildings next store and the noise bothered the stores. So the theater disconnected the special bass speakers.

Do you know what an "ALTEC A-1" looks like -- I do. It's huge. (ask me)

I do remember walking out from the movie and being depressed because of all the death and destruction. After all, we all wait for the day when LA sinks into the sea during the "10.5" earthquake.

However, don't think that this is another VOLCANO ... I still hate parts of "The Coast is Toast" because at least one scene in VOLCANO sucks the hind end of a diarrhetic hippopotamus.

And here is where the HAYS Commission did it's hateful thing of "moral punishment" and that meant Charleton Heston dies in the end and doesn't get to rebuild LA with his mistress. (that's called a reach-around when they do it in the shower) ... Thankfully, Hollywood threw out the Hays Commission.

There actual was an earthquake on first day of filming of EARTHQUAKE the movie and on the last day. Mother Nature is a bitch, yanno

The Pittsburgh Symphony today was good but long -- Manfred Honeck conducted -- Schubert's Rosamund Overture and Ballet Music, --Beethoven's Piano Concerto #3 with Till Fellner soloist, -- Mozart Symphony #41 "Jupiter" ... ... ... Because it's Patron Appreciation Month, the orchestra played as encore of Strauss Jr's "Wine, Women and Song." (hint: those are all composers from Vienna) (It's the two week long Vienna festival.) (BTW - The NY Philharmonic holds a summer "Mostly Mozart" festival that people love...)

The bad part of the day was the traffic -- One of the bridges is shut down for repairs and there was a baseball game. -- traffic was hysterically bad to drive into town and where it normally takes me 55 minutes took 15 minutes longer. The drive home took 90 minutes. People were going nuts trying to create a new "short cut" around the closed bridge.

The Jeopardy contestant, who won again today (25 April 2017),

revealed that he has a stuffed Platypus collection.

That's not a typo.

Tomorrow, Sunday April 30th, begins AMERICAN GODS

Shadow Moon meets Mister Wednesday

All men should own a nose-hair trimmer.

I saw one this week that was just, simply, awful and disgusting. And it is considered impolite to point out that a man's nose looks like the hairy ass on a schnauzer. That would be inviting trouble.

That would be inviting trouble.

Not if you are speaking to a schnauzer. --FLO--

I had to watch limited TV last week for personal reasons and I discovered that on the TV show <b>"Dirty Jobs"</b>

When Mike Rowe worked at a "waxing" salon, he had his nose hairs hot-waxed.

Imagine hot wax, shoved up your nose, waiting, waiting, waiting, and then yanked out with force...

{my bowels quiver in pain}