ukdesexed (imported) wrote: Mon May 13, 2013 12:52 am I can relate to your post , i to have and never quite understood hugging and kissing, in fact any outward signs of affection, here in Europe people enjoy kissing when they greet you, a quick peck on the cheek, i do my best to avoid it and cringe if i cant it is so completely unnatural to me and I try to keep away from such situations, my close friends all know this and don't put me through it, when I was young i went with girls because i was told it was what you do, then I went with boys because I was told if you didn't enjoy girls you must be gay, I ended up going to the extreme S&M side of things where physical signs of affection weren't required, the more brutal and distant from each other the better, I deliberately tried to find violent distant men who would rather give you a punch than a kiss, not as easy as it sounds but eventually had a long term relationship with such a man, he was as incapable of giving affection as i was of receiving it, but still felt I was trying to fit in with something that wasn't quite me. Now I am older i no longer go with either sex and i realise I am the happiest I have been, the last two occasions I had sex was to please the man i was with, not for myself so decided i had enough, now i am on my own for the last two years leading a complete nonsexual life, i enjoy peoples company and i have a very small group of friends i have known since my late teens which is enough for me, but i don't want or need physical contact, and have come to the understanding its OK to be like this, its other people who don't get this not me, so why try to fit in when I so obviously don't, we don't all need physical contact to be happy, it is society which makes us think we do..

tugon (imported) wrote: Tue May 28, 2013 9:50 am I had dinner with a young couple in my building and that is hours of my life ......

nullorchis (imported) wrote: Wed Jun 19, 2013 3:19 am I think occasionally of the message: The more people I know, The more I know people, The more I like my dog.

Being not judgemental of others, and not letting it affect you when others judge you helps to make one independent and free.

Some people seem to have no problem with one or both of the above.

For others, like me, it has taken a long time to not let the judgement of others affect me.

And, like losing weight, or not gaining weight, where I need to be always aware of what I am putting into my mouth,

To avoid judging others I always need to put myself in check and be careful what comes out of my mouth (or via pen, pencil, keyboard, etc.)

All any of us want is to be liked, perhaps loved, not ignored, and if attention is bestowed on us it is not judgemental.

And I find when you give all of that to others, many will respond in like kind.

Not everyone, but enough people to create a synergy that helps add some sweetness to life.

I don't do this as a sham. But when I actually meet someone who seems as if they are down, or who might help me get up, I figure it can't hurt to try and help, or be helped. This is not in a caregiver capacity. No matter how hard we try, no 'man' is an island. It almost becomes a hobby to see if / how other people will react when you show a genuine interest in them, their life, what they do for a living, their dreams, hopes, problems. Most of us center our focus on ourselves. And when someone else becomes interested in what most interests us (ourselves), they cease thinking about me. This is much more complex than words allow. At least I found when I start to interact with othes and show an interest in them, not for selfish interests, it becomes a travel trip of great exploration that has endless opportunities. However, it does seem to work best when I am carrying a camera and am a tourist somewhere, or appear to be a tourist. People seem to throw up barriers when someone they don't know starts a conversation. But as a tourist, with a camera, they at least open to "peep window' in the door to see if they want to let you in.