mrt (imported) wrote: Wed Sep 10, 2008 11:51 am
I'll join the choir in singing our praises for you and your continued success. I think it all seems like the pieces are fitting so perfectly into place that its just amazing... And must be an 11 (on the 1 to 10 scale) for personal relief for you.
Hi MrT,
This is likely to be a long response as I am feeling VERY emotional, in a good way, this evening.
So many people on the Archive have been very supportive whether it has been encouraging words, compliments, requests for information (that make me feel I can offer something to someone else) or even an occasional boost to my self-confidence. In the several weeks before I transitioned, I needed critical, confidence-building support that was offered by a number of people here. Since transitioning, my self-confidence has remained high with only very minor perturbations.
In early May, I was like 'Oh My Gawd - what am I doing?'. It was the magnitude of the change that initially had me a little spooked. Many, although certainly not all, people about to embark on the adventure of transition have some last minute doubts. Several people here, including you MrT, Kristoff, Erica Ann and Jesus among others, were there for me during this time. Others have played a part in easing my way before I transitioned. I hesitate to list any because I will likely leave some out. So please forgive me if I have left someone out of this additional list: talula, River, tugon, plix, tanglog. I know there are others but I would have to search through so many wonderfully supportive posts to find them all. Sometime I want to do that.
That support made a huge difference. By the time my big day at work came around on May 19, I was totally calm.
The day I really transitioned to living full-time as a woman was several days before I appeared at work as myself. On Friday, May 16, I gently let go of my male self. I think that's how I phrased it in an earlier post
. Anyway, I had the day off from work and did a number of fun things as a woman for all the world to see. The feeling of freedom on that day, May 16, and relief was almost overwhelming. That is also when I first felt "at last, I know I fit in, I know who I am and life is so very good". This was one of the most profound moments of my life. To feel I belonged after a lifetime of feeling apart.
A week before that, on Friday May 9, a company-wide email was sent announcing what I would be doing. It also unambiguously stated the full backing and support of upper management. There were also resources provided, by me, included to educate people. The following week, mandatory training was held for people in my division. I doubt many at my company needed it. A repeat of the training session was held later, for others outside my division who wanted to attend. From what I hear, it was packed.
Early Friday afternoon, May 9, before the announcement was made I was in the office. My initial plan was to be at home when the announcement was made. In fact, the initial plan was not to make the announcement until Monday, May 11. It was only at the last minute I was told of the date switch. I could have insisted it be postponed but decided to let it fly on Friday.
Now I am overwhelmed with emotions over the next part - I am crying, I admit it!
- this is part of what estrogen does. I spoke with Jesus (our Jesus on the Archive) to get his advice on whether to leave the office or stay when the company-wide email went out
Danya (imported) wrote: Sat May 10, 2008 4:24 pm
to hundreds of employees in several states.
MANY of whom know me.
I rather lamely said to Jesus, 'but I've never done anything like this before'. His response was something like 'you're never likely to again either!'. To which I replied, 'yeah, for my next act I will change into an orangutan.'
He suggested I remain in the office and see how people would respond to the announcement. I could always duck out if things were uncomfortable.
So I stayed and I am glad I did. I got nearly 40 emails of support that day, after the late afternoon announcement. Of course, I was in tears again after reading and responding to every single one of those heartfelt messages. A few told stories of TG people in their own lives. One or two of those stories were heart-wrenching.
Nearly everything that has happened since I transitioned has been very positive. I am so fortunate and I am very thankful not only that I am doing well but that I have the continuing friendship of many here, on the Archive. As an added bonus, I am making terrific new friends on the Archive and in the non-virtual world. This place, the Archive, is a very supportive place for many. Others have said this, too. We can all thank the volunteers who keep this site going.
Just yesterday, two coworkers stopped me in the hall. I have known one, in passing and for short conversations, for years. I said 'hi' to him a number of times since May 19. It was only yesterday he recognized who I am!
He, the young woman with him and I had a great conversation of 10 - 15 minutes. Like others, they commented on how well I am doing. The woman recently had breast cancer and a mastectomy. She is fine but she has certainly had a lot on her mind. She recounted the story of the birth of her child. When she and her husband were lovingly holding their newborn, a nurse came up to them and asked what the child's gender was. This sweet woman wanted to point out to me that they didn't care what their child's gender was. They hadn't even considered that until the nurse asked. They were loving their child simply for being itself, whatever its gender. She told me she felt I was in a similar situation and I should be loved just for who I am. Their child was a girl, btw.
I can't write anymore on this now because, of course, I am in tears again. I am still blown away by the fact that I have arrived at my real life, the real me.
Hugs to everyone,
Danya
