Hell, I've been chasing keys, cell phones, and the like for ten years!

To this day, I still don't know where that other set of keys to my 2002 Dakota is, and I dumped it in 2006.

Back in 2001, I woke up at Talula's house one night and thought "Where the hell am I and how did I get here?"

If I was not worried about my blood losing red and white cells along with platelets this incident would not have been so upsetting. I also started on folic acid prescribed by my Oncologist. A side effect is confusion. I have also had verbal issues since my last concussion. Also if my blood sugar was too high or too low that could have caused it.

Of course hypochondria runs in the family. I had an aunt die from hypochondria. She went to so many doctors and took so many pills. She went to the hospital for every test. She was probed more than a small Southwest town during a space alien invasion. (One must be alien specific.) She eventually succumbed to all the good care she received.

Last night I decided to calm myself down. Things happen and I do not need to read anything into it. If it becomes a routine event I will worry. For now I am not looking for trouble. My dog and I walked through that field last night without problems. Oh I did have a little anxiety but not as much fear as I had when lost in a very familiar and open field.

Paolo wrote: Fri Nov 30, 2012 1:58 am Back in 2001, I woke up at Talula's house one night and thought "Where the hell am I and how did I get here?"

A surprisingly common question when waking up at Talula's house. --FLO--

Tugon, I know others who have had similar experiences without any other evident problems. I agree with you that it is too soon to worry about it or to be anxious. --FLO--

I have now been a no T eunuch for 15 years. I am sure I started puberty earlier but I did not achieve orgasm through masturbation until 15 years of age. I could not figure out all the interest in sex until I began to wonder why the penis sliding in and out of an opening would bring such pleasure. One day I decided to recreate what that might feel like and all of a sudden toes curled. Fifteen seems to be a good number for me.

As a eunuch I did have sex with one man. My eunuch self found it to be a lot of effort for his satisfaction. Since he knew me during the days of my sexual addiction/compulsion he found the eunuch me calm, boring and needing touch with emotional support. He knew what I had been through but chose to remember the other me, the long since gone me.

From Eunuch Calm to Eunuch Boredom

A spark, a drive is missing from life. The eunuch calm takes over until the eunuch boredom overwhelms. Yes I feel too much calm leads to boredom. That lack of desire to be intimate, for touch to excite, for contact with another body to matter. Interests become more ethereal and less physical.

Is humanity lost when the need for touch is over? I am no longer comfortable with touch or touching and to avoid it I avoid people. Of course is this part of being eunuch or a victim of what I have endured. I find I am not good at talking about being eunuch, which is my gender, because the abuse is also a component of who I am. I do not dwell on having been abused but I am pleased by the eunuch I am today.

Yes I am happy with who I am today. I have great fun with my dog. I love how I have decorated my apartment. I enjoy both the art and the music I have collected. This will be as exciting as it can be.

after being lurking around since mid nineties gathering tons of first hand experience descriptions only after having gone through real chem castration trial everything you tell about eunuchdom makes sense. Otherwise it would have been just a dry collection of facts. For me at least.

I reread my post and I did not want it to sound bleak. I am happy to be a eunuch and will be celebrating tonight. What I was trying to say is that eunuch calm is a good thing but after being calm for so long it begins to feel like boredom. Of course the first 41 years were very chaotic so the calm 15 seem very calm.

It has been awhile since that huge surge of emotions that happened when my T levels dropped. Years since a hot flash. After all the initial changes I stabilized and I am now just eunuch me.

I wanted to thank everyone who has read and those that have commented on my ramblings through the years.

I am sitting in my chair in front of my stereo and listening to Messiaen's "Eclairs Sur L'Au-Dela". As I am listening to the music and enjoying a little wine I am thinking about some recent emotions. We have a local weatherman that I enjoy watching as he predicts the weather. He has a happy gentleness about him. I checked him out on facebook and he is gay in a committed relationship and has two adopted children. I am happy for him but sad for me. Why are all the good ones gay and married?

In actuality this was just a reminder that I never found the love of my life. Well I did but an auto accident took him away from me. I know now I am too emotionally damaged to have a relationship. Due to my abuse at an early age I still respond to situations with all the emotional maturity of a 7 year old. A pouting 7 year old can be a detriment to an adult relationship.

I am 56 and I have a hard time feeling my age. A really strange feeling comes from my being 23 when I entered into an abusive situation. It ended when I was castrated at 41. I should say it physically ended but there were 5 more years of phone harassment until I was 46. I think my mind wants to go back to an earlier age to reclaim those lost years. Again I think I froze in time. I would like to bring all aspects of myself to my current age. I do not physically feel my age but I would like my mind to settle on one age.

In some ways I have never grown up. If I could fly I would be Peter Pan. I am 7 years old, I am 23 years old and all in the body of a 56 year old.

Never say never... Just the moment you think that is never going to be someone for you. Puff, someone falls into your life. It can happen!

OneBallBoi (imported) wrote: Sun Dec 23, 2012 12:18 pm Never say never... Just the moment you think that is never going to be someone for you. Puff, someone falls into your life. It can happen!

I concur. Wasn't even looking but a bit more than two years ago I found the person for me. The feeling was mutual, and we have planned and are executing a merging of our two lives. Things are really going wonderfully -- for both of us. So much goodness and happiness. It can happen to anyone at anytime.