Just remember some will have non-reversible effects with a very few pills, but others will never see any major effects for a year unless they take anti-androgen's

_g

I was on a hrt trial in march. Started with 2x25mg Sprio and worked myself up to 2x100mg Spiro and 2x4mg Progynova a day. I experienced lower libido, weaker erections, reduced semen quality and quantity and felt a bit calmer overall.

I stopped around the 27. of march and started in late february.

But I'm not feeling like before. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning although I go to bed earlier than usual. Also I have a slight headache almost all the time although I rarely get some before or at least I have a weird feeling in my head. Also libido, semen and erections are also still somewhat reduced.

Could it be that I already damaged sometihng irreversibly? I took a test before the trial and I had normal/healthy levels of everything but I don't know if I can take one now or if it's too early.

How long whould I wait and how big are the chances that I never get were I was? I felt an odd pain sometimes through the trial in my testicles but can't tell if they got smaller. Just softer but they are normal now after I stopped.

whyohwhy, I think it still might be too early to tell as to whether the effects are irreversible, but as has been stated, playing with hormones is dangerous. I hope the dangers were explained to you during the trial, you might want to try some HCG injections. HCG is used by Body Builders when they're testicles shrink, it'll plump up your testicles and set things back in order, if that's what you want.

http://testosteronewisdom.blogspot.com/ ... -size.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_chor ... nadotropin

http://forums.steroid.com/anabolic-ster ... rophy.html

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3214853/

_g (imported) wrote: Fri Jun 01, 2012 10:37 am The point of no return is when

you wake up after gender reassignment surgery.

Hash (imported) wrote: Fri Apr 26, 2013 2:36 am whyohwhy, I think it still might be too early to tell as to whether the effects are irreversible, but as has been stated, playing with hormones is dangerous. I hope the dangers were explained to you during the trial, you might want to try some HCG injections. HCG is used by Body Builders when they're testicles shrink, it'll plump up your testicles and set things back in order, if that's what you want.

http://testosteronewisdom.blogspot.com/ ... -size.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_chor ... nadotropin

http://forums.steroid.com/anabolic-ster ... rophy.html

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3214853/

Thank you! I'll look into it after a month if nothing changes. I don't know what I want. I long for a feminine body but it feels like it's libido-driven and it got weaker with hrt but it was still there. I have mild signs of gender disphoria too and developed a major depression but idk if it's linked to the gid but it's plausible that this is the case. When I write everything down I think that I am indeed transgednered but I feel like people experience various degerees of gender dysphoria and mine isn't that strong. M y greatest wish is to be a girl and I would instantly push buttons/take pills if they would make me into a pretty girl but I think transition will only make me into a impersonator of a woman with much effort and luck and I will always feel unhappy comparing me to cisgirls while I don't really hate life as a guy or my male body. It's just that I feel nothing about it and I fell like I would be better as a girl.

You sound somewhat like me, to be honest.

How did you feel while you were on HRT? You're only mentioning the physical aspects, but how about mental? A lot of transwomen report that estrogen feels really right. When I first tried it I instantly got addicted to its way of making me euphoric beyond belief (even annoyingly so). Also, at higher dosages, I start to have a sexual orientation (which is really scary, since I never really had any). This week I realised that spironolactone has alleviated a years-old though unacknowledged depression.

Have you ever dressed in female clothing? How does that make you feel? For me personally, when I manage to ignore the fact that I have a male body while I'm dressed, it tends to make me really happy, but when it clicks and I see that guy again I immediately go in a funk.

How do you feel about your body? You mentioned you don't hate it, but is it yours? Do you perhaps not hate it because it's not so very male? Through dressing I realised that I have trouble identifying with my body; I usually don't really occupy my body, though I do somewhat when dressed.

How about if you could just be you, instead of "a woman"? Note that the one does not preclude the other! Only here it's about finding yourself; not necessarily being male or female, just being you, and going wherever your feelings lead you. This could include transition in some way or another, but if you're happy being castrated and growing your hair out then that's fine too!

Also, please know that if you're not right with yourself then you have every right to change what you don't like, and only you can really say what that needs to be. You don't really have to compare yourself to other people; they're not you, and it's always possible that they're exaggerating their feelings while you're downplaying them.

*hugs* good luck finding yourself!

You pretty much sound

Hildy_ (imported) wrote: Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:14 am like me, to be honest.

How did you feel while you were on HRT? You're only mentioning the physical aspects, but how about mental? A lot of transwomen report that estrogen feels really right. When I first tried it I instantly got addicted to its way of making me euphoric beyond belief (even annoyingly so). Also, at higher dosages, I start to have a sexual orientation (which is really scary, since I never really had any). This week I realised that spironolactone has alleviated a years-old though unacknowledged depression.

Well the trail didn't do much for me. I hoped for enlightment but I guess one month isn't enough and tihs "right feeling" seems to have something to do with the intensity of gender dysphoria. The mental changes were mostly that I felt a bit calmer I think. Not unpleasant. In the beginning I also felt happiness but maybe that was caused becasue I started hrt and was a bit euphoric about that. But the most noticeable effect was the spiro with the constant running to the bathroom and the decreasing libido.

I might be able to tell if developing breasts are ok for me but then it would already be to late and even if I like them (which I think I might) I wouldn't go through with it because I hink too negative about transition.

Hildy_ (imported) wrote: Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:14 am Have you ever dressed in female clothing? How does that make you feel? For me personally, when I manage to ignore the fact that I have a male body while I'm dressed, it tends to make me really happy, but when it clicks and I see that guy again I immediately go in a funk.

Yes I have occassionally since I hit puberty. I dressed mostly to see how I would look like a girl. There was sexual tension but not because of the clothes. And it did make me happy when I saw that I woould look ok/pretty, sometimes I get this rush of joy and excitement in my chest when I see myself like that or think about the reality of transitioning which is rare. I mostly feel numb because of the depression. I also dress for camwhoring but lately when I see that my body gets more masculine I don't want to dress anymore because I feel stupid seeing a guy in girl-cloth

Hildy_ (imported) wrote: Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:14 am How do you feel about your body? You mentioned you don't hate it, but is it yours? Do you perhaps not hate it because it's not so very male? Through dressing I realised that I have trouble identifying with my body; I usually don't really occupy my body, though I do somewhat when dressed.

As a kid I always felt insecure about being skinny but as I got older and my body more masculine I was unhappy that it became unfeminine. But in public or for social reasons I want to have a male physique because that's what I get approval for from society. But my beard always annoyed me and I fantasize about a feminine body but it feels like a fetish sometimes. At least it's most intense when I'm aroused. When I look in the mirror I just feel ugly and depressed because of it. But I don't hate my dick. Wouldn't trade it for a fake vagin

Hildy_ (imported) wrote: Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:14 am How about if you could just be you, instead of "a woman"? Note that the one does not preclude the other! Only here it's about finding yourself; not necessarily being male or female, just being you, and going wherever your feelings lead you. This could include transition in some way or another, but if you're happy being castrated and growing your hair out then that's fine too!

The problem is that male socialication and my fear of stigma and ridicule from family and friends (albeit without much reason) hinders me from expressing who I truyl am I think. I wish I could act more feminine but I can't because I fear that my family would be bewildered. Also I think feminine behaviour and looks go hand in hand. If I look and talk like a guy acting girly would feel weird and wrong. Sometimes I feel like I would be a better person as a girl because I have many feminine qualites like being compassionate, caring, sensible etc.

Hildy_ (imported) wrote: Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:14 am Also, please know that if you're not right with yourself then you have every right to change what you don't like, and only you can really say what that needs to be. You don't really have to compare yourself to other people; they're not you, and it's always possible that they're exaggerating their feelings while you're downplaying them.

*hugs* good luck finding yourself!

I just can't decide if I make a better guy or girl. I need to try it without hrt (living as a girl) or at least get some experience in public/With friends but I fear it might hurt my reputation as a guy.

whyohwhy (imported) wrote: Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:44 am I don't hate my dick. Wouldn't trade it for a fake vagin

And why should you!

For myself I disagree with you though, I would trade it for a vagina, fake or not. I'd also trade it for being a nullo, though I'd prefer a vagina because at least I can use that. Anyway, everybody's different.

whyohwhy (imported) wrote: Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:44 am The problem is that male socialication and my fear of stigma and ridicule from family and friends (albeit without much reason) hinders me from expressing who I truyl am I think. I wish I could act more feminine but I can't because I fear that my family would be bewildered. Also I think feminine behaviour and looks go hand in hand. If I look and talk like a guy acting girly would feel weird and wrong. Sometimes I feel like I would be a better person as a girl because I have many feminine qualites like being compassionate, caring, sensible etc.

Yeah, that sucks. I gotta admit, I'm looking quite seriously into transitioning at the moment, and I'm scared shitless (to put it in an unfeminine way). And here I am pushing you... aren't I little miss hypocrite...

Where do you see yourself in 10 years or so though? From your profile I see that I'm 5 years older than you, and I hate to break it to you, but feelings like this don't really go away. They're part of who you are. Not the you that the world sees, the you that you are for yourself; what psychologists call core identity.

whyohwhy (imported) wrote: Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:44 am I just can't decide if I make a better guy or girl. I need to try it without hrt (living as a girl) or at least get some experience in public/With friends but I fear it might hurt my reputation as a guy.

Which is why I put it to you: what if you can just be you? Don't worry about meeting some arbitrary standard for either guy- or girlness. You don't really need to be "better" as a girl, only more comfortable, more you. And if you turn out to be this really butch woman that guzzles beer and belches and farts, then so be it! As long as you're happy being who you are (or drunk, but now I'm repeating myself).

Lastly, maybe there's a transgender support-group where you live? Please know that you're not alone; there are way more people dealing with this than you'd think. And they could be your friends!

*hugs* take care!

PS: it's bedtime here, so I'm off. Take care, and maybe TTYL.

Hildy_ (imported) wrote: Fri Apr 26, 2013 12:30 pm And why should you!

For myself I disagree with you though, I would trade it for a vagina, fake or not. I'd also trade it for being a nullo, though I'd prefer a vagina because at least I can use that. Anyway, everybody's different.

I would trade it for a real vagina with the possibility of giving birth but I hate the idea of operations and I feel fine with my dick as it isn't too big and I don't plan on using it to penetrate anyone with it. In my sexual fantasies I'm always the girl getting manhandled.

Hildy_ (imported) wrote: Fri Apr 26, 2013 12:30 pm Yeah, that sucks. I gotta admit, I'm looking quite seriously into transitioning at the moment, and I'm scared shitless (to put it in an unfeminine way). And here I am pushing you... aren't I little miss hypocrite...

Where do you see yourself in 10 years or so though? From your profile I see that I'm 5 years older than you, and I hate to break it to you, but feelings like this don't really go away. They're part of who you are. Not the you that the world sees, the you that you are for yourself; what psychologists call core identity.

I don't know. Either broke, dead or maybe living as a somewhat successful transgirl but for that I probably need to leave much behind and I don't know if it's worth the risk.

Hildy_ (imported) wrote: Fri Apr 26, 2013 12:30 pm Which is why I put it to you: what if you can just be you? Don't worry about meeting some arbitrary standard for either guy- or girlness. You don't really need to be "better" as a girl, only more comfortable, more you. And if you turn out to be this really butch woman that guzzles beer and belches and farts, then so be it! As long as you're happy being who you are (or drunk, but now I'm repeating myself).

Lastly, maybe there's a transgender support-group where you live? Please know that you're not alone; there are way more people dealing with this than you'd think. And they could be your friends!

*hugs* take care!

PS: it's bedtime here, so I'm off. Take care, and maybe TTYL.

Thanks for the kind words! I get the idea what you mean by being me but I think that lives or dies with a supporting environment. There is a support group in my area but it's hard to get there for me without a car.

whyohwhy (imported) wrote: Sat Apr 27, 2013 11:19 am I would trade it for a real vagina with the possibility of giving birth but I hate the idea of operations and I feel fine with my dick as it isn't too big and I don't plan on using it to penetrate anyone with it. In my sexual fantasies I'm always the girl getting manhandled.

Yeah, same here. I'm a programmer, and I once gave serious thought to going into bio-informatics to advance nanotechnology enough to give me a fully female body.

It's just that I can't wait anymore...

whyohwhy (imported) wrote: Sat Apr 27, 2013 11:19 am I don't know. Either broke, dead or maybe living as a somewhat successful transgirl but for that I probably need to leave much behind and I don't know if it's worth the risk.

Please don't do that; killing yourself. I figure if something is worth killing yourself over, it's also worth putting all your energy into to fix it.

*hugs* .. seriously, your right to live your way and be yourself is inborn.

whyohwhy (imported) wrote: Sat Apr 27, 2013 11:19 am I get the idea what you mean by being me but I think that lives or dies with a supporting environment. There is a support group in my area but it's hard to get there for me without a car.

But this is important enough for you that you're so depressed about it! Maybe hitchhike there, or ask a friend to bring you (just lie and say you're going to meet a girl or something)?

I know this is hard, seriously, I do. It was very hard for me to even open up to the first therapist I told it all too. I thought I was just weird, that the whole idea was just bizarre. That I was way too much of a guy for this to even be an OK idea for me, let alone wanting to do something about it.

So I just take small steps, slowly moving onwards, and it's getting better, it's getting easier to deal with. Someday, it won't all be so weird anymore, it'll be normal. And then it'll get boring.

I can't wait.