punkypink (imported) wrote: Tue Dec 06, 2011 9:24 am
Actually no I don't. The gift of feminity is not gender-specific. Masculinity is not the sole preserve of men, and if you're going to build someone's identity up on physical traits instead of who they are inside, that's actually the cruellest thing you can do. There is nothing cruel about being trans, other than the rest of society, you included, not understanding what makes a woman a woman. The mind does not need to be molded. The mind needs to understand the trappings of womanhood do not a woman make.
Frankly I don't think you know what you want, gender-wise at least. What you do want, is an object to fulfill your own desires and fetishes.
If someone who wanted to date me wanted me as a "boyfriend" to turn me into her "girlfriend" I would be very offended indeed. Since my gender was something I was born with, transition or not, I'm already a girl. I would not date someone ignorant and selfish like that.
This isn't the first time you've made this point Punky, but I've always declined to participate and give my two cents. For some reason I decided I'll throw in with you and give my opinion, for what it is worth.
I've only dated women, but I've had plenty of crushes on both sexes. For me it doesn't come down to how you look, what gender you are, or how you present yourself gender-wise. What usually triggers a crush from me is an idea that person expresses, or comment that person says. Something that strikes a chord deep within me, that I want this person to be a part of my life. They have a quality that I admire, and I want more of.
There was a guy I knew, years ago. He was a big hairy guy that towered over me. He was always cracking rude jokes, and was quite boisterous. There were moments though, when he was quiet, and introspective that a look would come over him, and he'd play with an edge of his long hair while he thought. In those moments I just wanted to hug him, and be more than friends with him. He is of course strictly Hetero, and wouldn't have gone for anything like that.
There was a woman I felt very protective of. She was another dear friend, and when she stopped pretending to be this crazy party-girl, and just acted like a human being, I felt the same for her that I did for my big hairy friend.
Male or female, I've always been attracted to people who are being just genuine, and real. It might be I am attracted to vulnerability, but I think it has more to do with someone being honest. Living honestly, if only for a few moments.
For me, of course, that attraction is not sexual. But I need that attraction to get me to the point where sexual feelings become possible.
I know I'm not the type of person you are speaking about when you talk about people being dishonest. I'm an asexual-bisexual. You are focusing those comments on people who are sexual, and judge based on gender mechanics over gender identity. I'm not sure those people can accept what you are asking.
You are female, and present yourself to the world as female, but people still get bogged down by the parts you were born with, rather than the being you are. It is tragic, but it is human nature.
There are those of us who don't think like that, and can and would accept you for what you are, because of WHO you are. For me it wouldn't matter about the mechanics. It would only matter if we were attracted to each other.
I certainly wouldn't try to mold someone into a feminized boy, or a butch woman. That wouldn't be genuine, and wouldn't attract me. I'm with you on this. It is the height of ignorance and selfishness.
Just because I have a low sex drive, and low testosterone, does not make me female. Nor does having a penis and testicles make me exclusively male. I'm somewhere in-between emotionally. Not one thing or the other.
In my self exploration I'm coming to understand myself a lot better. Trying to put myself into one box or the other has been very damaging to me. You can only be what you are. I would only ask any life partner I might come to have, that they do the same, and live comfortably in their own skin.
Could I have a eunuch boyfriend? Yes. If we had that spark of attraction I could love a eunuch easily.
Could I have a genetic female girlfriend? Yes. If we had that spark...
Could I have a transgendered female or transgendered male life mate? Yes. It wouldn't matter to me.
Male, female, eunuch, trans, makes no difference. I love people for their thoughts and how they live their life, not what is physical about them.
Will I ever find that person to share my life with? No. Probably not. I've stopped looking long ago.
I discover myself in a minority of people in the world. And in that minority of people, I'm in another sub-set of a minority. I recognize now I am a part of the LBGT community, and in the subset of the eunuch mentality, with an asexual disposition. My list of available mates that could understand and accept all that is so incredibly small, as to most likely be non-existent. It bothers me a bit, but that concern is getting less and less over time.
Could I ever find someone who would love and accept me for being who and what I am? It's a lot less likely than my finding someone I could love and accept for being who they are. I'm fine with that. If I weren't I'd start on the Testosterone treatments my doctor offered me. If I did though, I wouldn't be who I am.
Being who I am is much more important than finding a life mate. For me, it is simple math. Either I change who I am to become attractive to someone who might not exist, or do I stay how I am and live alone? Well... I already have to live with myself 100% of the time, so the decision is easy.
I continue to live as something of a eunuch, something somewhat female, and something somewhat male. It is who I am, and I have to be comfortable with that before I can be comfortable with anyone else, whatever they have in their pants.
