fhunter wrote: Mon Jun 22, 2009 1:23 pm Thanks for you concern.

Fhunter aka Nikolaj.

You make me happy to see that it worked out fine

Nikolaj, I send you a hug, a kiss and lots of good luck

loveUall

Jean

Thanks, erikboy.

This is helpful to hear. What I conclude from this is that being on it long enough to notice some effects is probably not so risky, but that one should be damn certain about one's willingness to accept the possibility of damage if one then decides to test these effects for a longer period of time. In other words, that even if it's not comparable to surgical castration, it's still something that isn't to be taken lightly.

The advice is well-taken!

(and I'll stop spamming this thread with this topic, now, since it's really about the experiences of someone else...! sorry...)

erikboy (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 22, 2009 12:50 am To my impression there is no certain point of no return. I have read many experiences with androcur. It seems that with time one is on androcur, testicles and penis start to shrink. Slowly. Shrinking rate is very variable and hard to predict. Also with every week the full recovery becomes less likely. That also depends on person and is very variable. It seem to me that one month with androcur is quite recoverable while a half year test period will certainly have some unrecoverable consequences and changes. Still, most probably sexual function would recover at least partially.

I am not sure about sperm quality and infertility. I know that fertility is much more sensitive to testicular damage than T-production.

2 years on androcur would mean almost always severe testicular atrophy with consequences.

The longer the time is on androcur the longer full recovery would take. To me it seems that the thumb of rule is that recovery time is almost equal to time on androcur.

Unfortunately there is no scientific proof.

Today I found out that I have problems with spatial tasks.

The task was simple enough - having hard drive, and vernier caliper - take sizes and draw a sketch for a drive bay (made from sheet metal) for 3 disks and a fan. Nothing exotic. Well, drawn 4 times, 3 times were with miscalculated sizes/placements. At 4-th I resigned and said that the one, that I had drawn was good enough. Took me much longer than I have expected. And all with comments of parents (who both had technical background).

I had excellent marks on engineering graphics in university, but haven't practiced this for some time. So I don't know if this is from lack of practice, or from lack of T.

fhunter wrote: Wed Jun 24, 2009 9:57 am Today I found out that I have problems with spatial tasks.

The task was simple enough - having hard drive, and vernier caliper - take sizes and draw a sketch for a drive bay (made from sheet metal) for 3 disks and a fan. Nothing exotic. Well, drawn 4 times, 3 times were with miscalculated sizes/placements. At 4-th I resigned and said that the one, that I had drawn was good enough. Took me much longer than I have expected. And all with comments of parents (who both had technical background).

I had excellent marks on engineering graphics in university, but haven't practiced this for some time. So I don't know if this is from lack of practice, or from lack of T.

I don't know for sure, but I guess a lack of T

The T from Trust

Your concerns are about your future, if you try to remember the university, I am sure that you started thinking about....long time ago. This is not just androcur, life is playing its tricks on you

Just take care that T is not telling you that you should like fish...........

Ooooops, your straight, sorry no problems with the fish.

I understood that you had some days of before,........................

and didn't really reload your batteries, that might be it

Never look for problems my friend, they will find you soon enough. Have a good night sleep and try that job again tomorrow

loveU&all

Jean

I forget to ask: Do your parents know??? I guess not (sorry if mistaken)

So you have placed yourself in a very vulnerable position for their comments.

Jean Op den Kamp (imported) wrote: Wed Jun 24, 2009 10:25 am I don't know for sure, but I guess a lack of T

The T from Trust

Your concerns are about your future, if you try to remember the university, I am sure that you started thinking about....long time ago. This is not just androcur, life is playing its tricks on you

Just take care that T is not telling you that you should like fish...........

Ooooops, your straight, sorry no problems with the fish.

I understood that you had some days of before,........................

and didn't really reload your batteries, that might be it

Never look for problems my friend, they will find you soon enough. Have a good night sleep and try that job again tomorrow

loveU&all

Jean

I forget to ask: Do your parents know??? I guess not (sorry if mistaken)

So you have placed yourself in a very vulnerable position for their comments.

Yes, I think about my future. But I am still at the university, as a postgraduate, so it's hard to forget about it. And work there as assistant teacher and part time sysadmin.

Should be writing my thesis, but instead I administer department's local network, help with labs and exams, build lab equipment, teach students with some programing tricks and do other things, which are not closely related to what I should do. And trying to do all this on a shoestring budget.

Fish? What's that? May be I don't understand english as well, as I thought.

On looking for problems... I try not to do this, but they somehow still find me

(Remembering, how after simply switching circuit breaker back on I got second degree burns on my left hand).

And yes, my parents do not know.

But as for teasing/comments from relatives - it is going on for some time, at least about my appearance. So I am used to this.

Like this:

Mother: "you have hair, any woman would be proud of" (or something like this do not remember exactly the line).

Aunt: "do you curl your hair?"

Mother, looking at untanned spot on my back, from the ponytail: "You lack one thing." - "Which one?" - "Tan lines from the bra".

Sister: "On skates you look like a girl in heels".

And so on...

PS. Wanted to post about goals and a bit of update on results. But will do it tomorrow, it's late here.

fhunter wrote: Sat Jun 27, 2009 2:08 pm And yes, my parents do not know.

But as for teasing/comments from relatives - it is going on for some time, at least about my appearance. So I am used to this.

Like this:

Mother: "you have hair, any woman would be proud of" (or something like this do not remember exactly the line).

Aunt: "do you curl your hair?"

Mother, looking at untanned spot on my back, from the ponytail: "You lack one thing." - "Which one?" - "Tan lines from the bra".

Sister: "On skates you look like a girl in heels".

And so on...

PS. Wanted to post about goals and a bit of update on results. But will do it tomorrow, it's late here.

Are you sure, if they are teasing, making comments or "carefully asking" about your appearance....

Don't forget, little comments like this can hurt you only as hard as you take them. I am looking forward for your update

loveUall

Jean

Jean Op den Kamp (imported) wrote: Sun Jun 28, 2009 1:27 am Are you sure, if they are teasing, making comments or "carefully asking" about your appearance....

Don't forget, little comments like this can hurt you only as hard as you take them. I am looking forward for your update

I don't know, some were probably "careful questions".

They do not hurt me, only surprise. I don't think that I look or act feminine.

May be I am wrong.

Now to goals and some update.

I think it would be easier for me to quote my answer to one of members question (hope he doesn't mind).

I have not known anyone who has identified themself as androgenous and I am curious about this.

Is your androgeny mental, physical, or both.

my reply was:

As for identity - I can not say about mental - this cannot be checked "from inside", at least without external reference.

For physical - I wouldn't mind being feminized, to which point - I don't know yet, but I am going to try and look. For now I look like this <ommiting photo link> (as of may 2008).

Going back to mental - what I can say for sure - I am not mentally an alpha male and never was. At school I spent my time with girls or at least mostly, till the time they started to set distance. I didn't like physical aggression or rough games (hated PE, but that's another story).

I started androcur to drop testosterone levels, stop further masculinisation and may be gain some feminisation. Reduction of sex drive came as pleasant addition. I thought of adding some estrogen, but afraid of social consequences (not exactly afraid, just haven't looked into this and possible results).

Now for the update

During last week I was getting pain in my muscles from any physical activity which was more then my usual.

3 days ago noticed that I got some of my stamina back.

PS. How one can miss hot flash? But I missed one just today - have noticed that it became really hot, looked at thermometer, thought that I felt comfortable at this temperature before. After some time then I allready felt normal,it dawned on me that I had hot flash. Probably had some more, at least twice in recent week I woke up soaked in sweat. At least once woke up from feeling hot.

So glad to hear your progress. Every journey seems unique. I had to stop Androcur after about 3 months because of the physical decline and the mental stupor brought on by the medication. The decline in sexual desire and ambition was what I had sought and both have been slow to return over the last few weeks. Fortunately, both physical stamina and mental ability have returned. While having many side effects while on Androcur, I never had intense hot flashes. Some minor experiences at night feeling warm or cool, but no sweating episodes. I probably was using Androcur for too short a time to see any changes in genital size.

Hey Nikolaj,

loveU for being so honest. Maybe it is not that important who you are and how you are,....

Most important it is that you can be who you are:

be yourself.

I get the feeling that the board for you (same as for me) is a great outlet, a way to be yourself and to find out about yourself. Just kick me if I am wrong.

I just can't understand how different people react on that med (androcur)

It worked on my mind, had nearly no effect on to stamina of my little boy, and it increased my stamina. I never had that energy before. And then it dropped again...androcur lost. Having early morning erections again, but most awful...the changes in my mind started to make a return: please NO

I am out of my bed, tired, having a hot flash. All night having one after the other. I like to go back and sleep but my bed is like a swimming pool, I don't want to get in that mess. This is the first time I feel that hot, sweating is normal for me. It makes me happy, maybe the zoladex is coming to a result androcur couldn't reach for. And those hot flashes are far better then the fever attacks, (together with a terrible cold feeling) testosterone gave me many times

So my advice: Set up your mind to enjoy the side effect, then they are the most funny. If we need to pay the bill, pay it with a smile, it will do you good.

Oh, and I don't think you look or act feminine, the questions may be just a result of your lack of playing the macho type. Who the hell cares: be yourself

loveU&all

Jean

Just today I was mistaken for a girl by one of the neighbors.

Now don't know what to think it's a strange mix of emotions and thoughts.