ukeunuch (imported) wrote: Mon May 04, 2009 3:16 pm
I have to add to this, again, I dont see my self as victim of sexual abuse, I see myself as a suvivor of sexual abuse.
That's a very good point, and point of view.
In a way, abuse and cancer share a few similarities.
Nobody asks for or wants cancer.
And when you get it you either treat it or not.
And whether you treat it or not, you are forced to mentally deal with it.
You can try to ignore it, whether you are treating it or not, but you never can really ignore it as it is in your consciousness and memory.
You know it is there, so you mentally handle it in some way.
Either by being overwhelmed, devastated, and put yourself into a mental state that only further fuels your physical decline,
Or you put on a stiff upper lip and try to keep a hopeful positive attitude and use your moments here on earth to enjoy life.
And if the cancer is defeated, it really is never totally completed defeated (usually). You need to get check ups to see if it has returned.
You are a survivor of cancer free to live daily life without it being a daily threat.
Anyone who suffers mental, physical, or sexual abuse is basically being invaded by something they don't want. In this case it is another person (or persons) instead of a cancer, but they are your personal cancer.
You either seek treatment, or you don't.
And whether you do, or don't, while that cancer is imposing itself upon you you have to deal with it. You can try to ignore it, but it is still there so you have to divert your energy in some way; you can't just function as if it wasn't there.
And even when the abuse finally stops and you are rid of the cancer, even if you are never again abused, the effects of the cancerous period are in some way or another ingrained in your memory and those memories have to be dealt with somehow from time to time.
While the cancer/abuse is happening you are a victim.
Once the cancer/abuse stops you can be a survivor, but only if you are not a victim of yourself.
You can sit around hating cancer and despising it for how it affected you and how many days of your life were lost dealing with it. Or deal with it in more positive and productive ways.
What If we could treat recovery from and survivorship of abuse like cancer, and seek periodic checkups to make sure that our memories of that abuse were not resurfacing in some way to harm us.
If we could look upon those who abuse us not as people, but as a cancer, then there would be no reason for shame, or guilt, or inner demons. It was something that happened to us, not by choice, not by a disease but by someone who was diseased themselves.
We shouldn't hate cancer for invading us. ((Hate in any form towards anything is a dual pointed sword. Whether hate is expressed openly or held inside, we are always harming ourselves.))
We don't forgive cancer when we manage to suppress it. We may fear it and desire to be free of it. And when we are free of it there should only be relief, a new lease on life, a great appreciation for life without it.
And so it should be once abuse is gone. Be thankful, feel free, avoid guilt, avoid hate, no need to forgive, and attempts to forget will be futile. Deal with it as a survivor as EKRUNUCH is doing.
Certainly as we age we will not be the subject of sexual abuse as a child, dominated over by an adult. Unfortunately however abuse comes in many forms even as we age. Many abuse themselves in many ways. Many still permit others to abuse them in many ways. Sometimes we let religion or politics or business abuse us in some way. Sometimes we get so use to low levels of abuse we don't notice when it is increasing in intensity. (like the frog in the pot who enjoyed that the water was getting warmer and warmer, from the flames that were under the pot and the frog never noticed slipping into an overheated coma).
Unlike real cancer there are no chemical or biological cures to help us recover from and survive abuse. Nobody, no therapist, no amount of writing or reading, no number of words, no amount of hope is going to be a miracle potion to cure anyone who was a victim of abuse; but these things are all tools, like drugs are to cancer and it is the individual who must seek out those tools and use them and engage our own self, our own minds to help ourselves be not ongoing victims of abuse but survivors of abuse. Then perhaps by moving forward and trying to help other victims become survivors we can be assured of a long lasting survivorship ourselves.
It all sounds so obvious, so simple, so easy in print. But it isn't. We almost become addicted to our memories of abuse and no matter how hard we try we can't break free of that addiction. In some way memories of abuse are almost like an addictive drug that keep us from helping ourselves. If we can't free ourselves from that addiction then that is the point where we must seek out others to help us find a way to break the habit. A friend, a support group, a therapist. Recovery from abuse, surviving abuse. Over time the sharpness of the memories will dull somewhat and most of the time they will not even be within our awareness. It is when a memory re-enters our mind that we then need to draw upon our inner resources to snuff out that cancer so that we can return to living life, not dwelling upon old memories.
Cheers.