I have nothing to add to this thread anymore so....................eh.

Hey Phil!! Please keep posting, even if it's just to let us know how you're feeling or any thoughts you have.

I think this 'diary' idea is truely wonderful; both for the diarist - being able to express feelings and thoughts which can often make a person feel better, and also to help others come to terms with the feelings and emotions.

It also helps people see traits that are common to people with whatever "this thing" is. Carefully re-reading your first entry (after starting my own diary) I noticed a few things which were almost identical (though worded differently!)

philip1 (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 03, 2004 10:26 pm Every night I prayed to God that I would wake up the next morning without my boy parts.

Originally Posted by thefraj

I would often pray I could go to sleep and wake up with them gone. No pain, no suffering

philip1 (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 03, 2004 10:26 pm Eighth grade I began to tuck my genitals between my legs I really loved looking down to see... nothing.

Originally Posted by thefraj

I often would telescope my penis, and - when a little older - would push my testicles into the canal.

philip1 (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 03, 2004 10:26 pm After high school I started to find ways to damage my genitals. At first it was a simple rubber band or two and wait till I could no longer stand the pain.

Originally Posted by thefraj

I'm not sure where the self-harm started ... At 16 and 17 it had developed into a sort of compulsion...And it became a secret ritual that would occur with no-one else around. Sometimes eroticised, sometimes not. I would try to find ways of removing my testicles, or pray that - somehow - it would work.

Anyway, please keep posting! Even if I don't write anything, I'm always reading carefully!

Last friday I had another fight with my mom she tried to tell me what a good man was and that I was not any of that.....I kind of stomped on her hard and told her I was greatly offended by her comments. she apologised and I have established boundries with her as to where she can and can't go in conversations.

Personally I don't care if people think I'm not a "man".

philip1 (imported) wrote: Tue Mar 07, 2006 2:22 pm Last friday I had another fight with my mom she tried to tell me what a good man was and that I was not any of that.....I kind of stomped on her hard and told her I was greatly offended by her comments. she apologised and I have established boundries with her as to where she can and can't go in conversations.

Hi Philip:

I've been thinking a lot about this statement heard often at work. "Be a man!" What exactly does your Mom think being a man "is" that your not doing? I'm curious. What defines "being a man?"

I have a theory that too much Testosterone (for example) does not make a "man" a better, bigger man. It makes them gigantic jerks. *With exceptions? I dunno. For me, too little testosterone had similar mental effects.

BTW I got upset when a kid asked if our dog was a girl or a boy. My wife insisted our dog was an "it" which I thought was incorrect and very degrading.

<<

philip1 (imported) wrote: Sat Feb 18, 2006 1:13 pm Depression is caused by many things and amplified by the huge drop in hormone levels. Depression is often (in my experience) the feeling of being worthless and that the world would not miss you. Everyone who has been castrated will tell you that depresion is a fact not a myth the sevarity differs but the fact that it happens is

thefraj (imported) wrote: Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:55 pm set in stone.

>>

-----> 'TheFraj' wrote: << Hey Phil!! Please keep posting, even if it's just to let us know how you're feeling or any thoughts you have. I think this 'diary' idea is truely wonderful; both for the diarist - being able to express feelings and thoughts which can often make a person feel better, and also to hel

p others come to terms with the feelings and emotions. >>

- and I 100% agree with him(her?), cause you seem to be experiencing heavy depression, so keeping your writing, put you thoughts down and communicate, having people take interest in you, all this definitively has to be of great help to you, your sanity, your self-image and your self-worth (as you mentioned the feeling of being worthless)

Everyone is unique (but not eunuch -I had to do the pun, sorry and not everyone respond the same way to castration apparently... Your own way to respond, what your body does to you, your mind, your neurones... is entirely based on your own genetics and physiological potential.

This said, I think it is imperative that you would keep in touch, so not to fall too low in your feelings of depression. I think we all agree on that...

So, keep it up Phil, YOU are as important as anyone else, here and anywhere: cause our worth isn't based on what we accomplish, but on what we are inside. If you keep your heart from falling into disgrace, chances are you model grace and humility, which are the two qualities God Himself is searching in us all.

alf

.

I am posting again but I have little to say. I will say that I do not view myself as male I never did I do view myself as a person who needs to get their fat butt in shape I am a eunuch I have always been one inside so to demand that I "Be a man" I find insulting. I expressed that to my mom, she may not like it but I am not a little boy that can be told what to do, I am an adult and I take the responsibility for myself. I will continue to post although it may be eradically. I will not go off and die on ya'll. I will continue to document how castration has affected me and continues to change me.

I still to this day have Zero regrets for going through with my castration

Glad to see that your still kicking. I hope you are doing well.

_g

I am planning a trip to see my family over the Easter weekend I hope things go well.

Glad you are doing well phil. Good that you are kicking it and so much help to us. Thanks! I am still trying to debate on this. It is a big decision to make. Take Care!