mrt (imported) wrote: Wed Jul 16, 2008 5:45 pm When you write that paper about including GID surgery coverage I think one point that has to be made is that its "medical" not some kind of optional "fun" and I think if you approach it that way you will change their minds.

Hey MrT,

This is exactly what I told human resources yesterday. GID (SRS, GRS - your preference) procedures are medical issues. I forwarded them four articles on the medical justification of coverage for GID-related expenses and an actuarial type analysis of the costs involved. Those turn out to be relatively low. A friend in HR told me weeks ago that childbirth expenses were much higher than those for MtF SRS.

I found the information on company time , but I figure this is an important company policy decision. I am assisting management in making wise choices.

Hugs,

Danya

mrt (imported) wrote: Wed Jul 16, 2008 5:45 pm Is "sex" really needed? ie if you had a person who had prostate surgery and was impotent. How important would it be to have surgery to allow that person to have his sexual health "repaired"?

I know this quote isn't directly related to your earlier 'what's it feel like to be transsexual' type questions. I do want you to know that I have not forgotten to answer

What I have lacked is the time to respond. I will do that soon.

Danya (imported) wrote: Wed Jul 16, 2008 6:07 pm Hey MrT,

This is exactly what I told human resources yesterday. GID (SRS, GRS - your preference) procedures are medical issues. I forwarded them four articles on the medical justification of coverage for GID-related expenses and an actuarial type analysis of the costs involved. Those turn out to be relatively low. A friend in HR told me weeks ago that childbirth expenses were much higher than those for MtF SRS.

I found the information on company time , but I figure this is an important company policy decision. I am assisting management in making wise choices.

Hugs,

Danya

Ahh you hit on one question I did want to ask. Is it proper to call it SRS anymore? I know this was at one time the common way to describe the surgery but? GRS seems more general. I mean when I had my Orchiectomy and they put in the new bits if you might well call that surgery GRS? Minor point but want to keep on track with the current MO.

When I posted that message about sexual health it dawned on me that our Govmt types have a large group that wish to deny coverage of "Lifestyle" drugs such as Viagra, Levitra etc. Which both angers me AND makes me laugh. Are they saying the majority of Americans feel that sex is an optional lifestyle? And would they please prove it by going without for 5 or 6 years!?

Anyway, money is probably what they want to see and your correct. Coverage is low and part of the reason is that the condition is rare vs things like BP, Cholesterol, Heart, Pregnancy etc. In the long run their costs will be zilch so why make a big fuss and invite lawsuits for discrimination? Its a no brainer in my opinion. Cite the Medica suit if you can find info on it.

- T

mrt (imported) wrote: Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:38 am Ahh you hit on one question I did want to ask. Is it proper to call it SRS anymore? I know this was at one time the common way to describe the surgery but? GRS seems more general. I mean when I had my Orchiectomy and they put in the new bits if you might well call that surgery GRS? Minor point but want to keep on track with the current MO.

I cannot see that there is general agreement, for MtF transsexuals (who are, after all, transgender) anyway, whether to refer to this surgery as SRS or GRS. Surgeon Marci Bowers uses both terms on her web site. Toby Meltzer, another top surgeon, uses SRS. GRS (gender reassignment surgery) conceivably could also describe procedures that do not involve the genitals but modify other parts of the body to produce a more gender congruent appearance. An example would be mastectomy in trans men.

mrt (imported) wrote: Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:38 am Anyway, money is probably what they want to see and your correct. Coverage is low and part of the reason is that the condition is rare vs things like BP, Cholesterol, Heart, Pregnancy etc. In the long run their costs will be zilch so why make a big fuss and invite lawsuits for discrimination? Its a no brainer in my opinion. Cite the Medica suit if you can find info on it.

I suspect my company is at this point well aware of the Medica lawsuit. I already forwarded to HR the individual Medica policy coverage for GID, along with all the other documentation I described earlier. I do not think it would be wise for me to bring up 'lawsuit' in a discussion with upper management over this. They have been wonderfully supportive. I do not want to risk the good rapport I have by bringing up legal angles. We have several attorneys on staff and I have no doubt whatsoever that if they have not already been consulted on this, they will be.

I believe management is making a genuine effort to include GID coverage in the upcoming plan year. That does not mean that coverage is a foregone conclusion given today's economy. It seems there must be a justification for every penny spent. There are certainly corporate political issues as well.

Upper management may have a number of reasons for including trans health benefits. One may be the desire to avoid a potential lawsuit. I also feel certain that they have a business interest in presenting a public image that demonstrates an openess to diversity. Finally, I think there are those in management who genuinely want to be helpful by providing GID coverage.

Today was a bit strange and most of the reason is because I am overly tired. A good night's sleep will get things back to normal for tomorrow. There were times through the day when I felt whiny. I do not like whiny in myself so I need to get over that Somehow, I don't think I can blame PMS for this!

There were good points, too. I was flabbergasted when someone in what I will call extreme upper management greeted me with a very friendly smile and a nice word or two. This person always knew who I was before I transitioned and we would pass and say 'hi'. Today, though, I was walking through the lobby looking out the window and didn't realize he was nearby. He called out to me which caught me off guard. He was warm and outgoing with me in a way that had not happened before.

Today, I had on a nice dress, black nylons to compliment the black in the pattern of the outfit, and black heels. Then there were the garnets in the jewelry to compliment the red in the dress. I though I looked quite fetching! Actually, several kind people took pity on me and complimented me on how nice I looked. Seriously, one woman said "You always look so attractive". I feel fortunate that I am able to pass well.

After work, I did not want to go straight home and I needed some exercise. Macy's is also having a sale and I was hoping to find another dress for $4.99. So, I headed off to the mall and spent 1 1/2 hours at what I came to realize was 'strutting my stuff', if females can be said to do that.

I did not buy anything at the mall but I thoroughly enjoyed looking at terrific clothing at Macy's, Bloomingdales and Nordstrom. Even Nordstrom had some tops on sale for something like $12. Nothing that I really liked, though.

What I did like was the sound of my heels on hard flooring as it echoed off close walls I would pass at various points in the department stores. I later noticed I was able to get the same effect in some small shops like, well, jewelry stores. It was very nice to be called 'ma'am' in those shops. Keep in mind, though, I did not buy anything. Jewelry has been a serious temptation for me before. This evening, I simply enjoyed looking at all the glittering gems under the perfect lighting.

I have been feeing a little sad over my lost youth. Well, I haven't really lost it because I never experienced youth. Ah well, such is life.

When I ran across what appeared to be two underage children at Macy's though, a 'boy' and a 'girl', I was getting some tears. The scene was not getting to me because these seeming children were likely at least in there low 20s , driving home how much older I am. Rather it was the way they interacted that really touched me.

The young woman was looking at bathing suits with her male partner who was quite attractive, by the way, but that's not really my point. What touched me was the tenderness they clearly shared. Then after I had circled back to observe them some more, purely for scientific purposes you understand, the young woman had found a swim suit she seemed to like. Her young beau asked if she wanted him to buy it for her. I felt like shouting "Yes!" because what I was feeling was I wanted someone like that to be in my life. More specifically, at that instant only, I wanted this young man to buy me a bathing suit. Not just any bathing suit, either, but THAT one. Never mind that I would hardly fit in the skimpy outfit his sweetheart was showing him.

I would like someone in my life who knows me well, as I would know him. Quite clearly, this young man was not available. Seriously, if there ever is a man in my life he would be much closer to my own age. That is the way I would want it. There is a lot to be said for sharing a similar degree of life experiences.

Danya (imported) wrote: Mon Jul 14, 2008 7:08 pm I want to be loved. The latter does not require that I be a 'sugar momma' (if there is such a thing) but it may mean that I do have to go for SRS and complete electrolysis. I do not buy the argument that at my age, 56, sex is unimportant. Similarly, I do not listen to those who tell me I am too old to rollerblade, but that's off-topic.

I still believe that what I do has to be for me alone. Any future decisions I make on surgery and other things will be for my benefit. Not choices made for someone else's happiness.

I'm just a few years behind you and I think at age 56 you need to be realistic about sex... It need not be done EVERY day... Well you can make exceptions of course...

I do have one question that is TMI... If you opt out of SRS err whats the plan then for physical intimacy? I mean I know there are alternatives and such but... Ahh ok, forget I asked....

Humm... I've been married so long I almost forgot what its like to be single and NOT want to be... Hang in there. Your going through a lot of changes to get to the place you want to be and to have the type of relationship you've wanted.

Anyway, for what its worth I'm saying a little prayer that you find a "Mr Right" who buys you a swim suit or whatever?! Frankly my wife prefers lingerie but she is not the swim suit type...

mrt (imported) wrote: Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:38 am I do have one question that is TMI... If you opt out of SRS err whats the plan then for physical intimacy? I mean I know there are alternatives and such but... Ahh ok, forget I asked....

Hi MrT,

At the office, I would consider this question off-limits to everyone except for two or three people who are close friends. Even with them, I would not discuss this at work. Here, though, I hope some of what I write will be informative. As usual, I will use too many words in my response. Even better, I will not fully answer your question. That is because I do not know the whole answer.

I will not to get into the question of whether physical intimacy is required in a loving, intimate relationship. For me it is not and never has been. I am not saying it is unimportant, by any means.

Physical intimacy has rarely been a desire of mine without there first being an emotional connection. That has been the case from my first identity as straight married male, to gay male, to my current situation as 'something' female. I may address the 'something' in another post.

I have lived happily alone for the last 12 years. If I were to get into an intimate relationship of the kind you are describing, I would need to give up or at least spend a lot less time on some of the activities that now give me great pleasure. I am not talking about solo sex here, either, btw. but things like writing on the Archive at 1:15 AM as I am now, playing the piano, photography and reading.

The thought of physical intimacy is not enough for me to want a relationship. There has to be a significant emotional component. Without it, I will not be sufficiently motivated to give up some of what I consider valuable time to pursue my own interests. With the right person, I would gladly compromise and do just that.

If the emotional connection is strong, it would be very normal for me to want to express love physically. I do not think I would need to complete SRS to feel comfortable about that. I can understand the sense of wholeness that women who have SRS can experience, to the extent I read about it and hear personal stories. That is a very joyful experience for many but the essential piece behind all of that joy I already have. I know I am a woman and I am very content and happy about it.

SRS is often described as 'icing on the cake'. It can be a really good thing but it is not required to be a genuine woman. What matters is that I know who I am and totally accept it. This is the essential concept behind being transsexual, a cisgender person or someone else whose gender identity does not fit neatly into masculine or feminine.

So, I can already state I am a woman. What does physical intimacy require? The sharing of the physical pleasure of each others' bodies. I know with the right 'person' I would share physical pleasure now. There are many ways I could do that. I am certain I can discover others. I won't discuss any of those here tonight. As I said, I really do not know what they all might be, anyway.

Many trans women decide not to have SRS even if money is not a problem. Some straight, perhaps bi, men are attracted to trans women who have not had SRS. In all the psychological accounts I read about this, these men are not gay at all. A man may fall in love with a woman he later finds out is a pre (or non) op female. He is then able to reach the point of accepting that the plumbing is pretty much irrelevant. Others enjoy the difference but still very much consider their lover to be a woman. Again, these men are not considered to be gay. They somehow 'get' the idea that the gender of their lover is not dictated by the physical body.

One of my women friends has had SRS and is very happy with the results. She never had much electrolysis work on her facial hair because 'it hurt too much'. She is naturally blonde and opted to have only those hairs removed that are darker than average and thus more likely to be visible. I would never guess she had not finished electrolysis and in fact had only minimal facial hair removel. This was really encouraging to me. Recently, she met a man and they have been happily dating.

My first gender therapist had told me many woman transition without having started any electrolysis. This was similarly encouraging because for now, at least, I cannot afford to complete the electrolysis I started in March. Yes, I can get discouraged that I have not finished it but I get over that feeling quickly. It certainly helps that I can effectively cover what hair there is. As with having had SRS or not, what is important is who I know myself to be.

It is late (now 2 AM) and I am tired. I know this is not a well put together answer. There you have it, though, for now.

I have been feeling weak for the better part of the last month. Is this what they mean by 'the weaker sex'? As if that weren't enough, I am also tired much of the time. I was up very late last night but still got in eight hours of sleep.

I have read that transsexuals on estrogen need more sleep. If that is all that's going on, no big deal! Eventually, on can expect a loss of upper body strength but that takes much longer than the 6 - 7 weeks I have been on estrogen. We're talking years here from what I read.

It is likely I need to do some upper body exercises. I've been avoiding that because I want my male muscle definition to disappear. The sooner the better! Right now I do not wear sleeveless dresses. I do not want to be emphasizing male characteristics like obvious triceps.

Nonetheless, I will probably use some light weights to regain some upper body strength. I need to do more exercising anyway not only to feel good but because it helps recovery from osteoporosis.

I have noticed physical changes since I started estrogen so I would not be surprised if some of what I am feeling is indeed related to HRT. That is an OK thing!

mrt (imported) wrote: Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:44 am Humm... I've been married so long I almost forgot what its like to be single and NOT want to be... Hang in there. Your going through a lot of changes to get to the place you want to be and to have the type of relationship you've wanted.

Anyway, for what its worth I'm saying a little prayer that you find a "Mr Right" who buys you a swim suit or whatever?! Frankly my wife prefers lingerie but she is not the swim suit type...

MrT,

I appreciate your good thoughts, wishes and prayers. A relationship would be terrific. We'll see what happens!

Hugs,

Danya