It is a brave thing you are doing I wish I could do the same there are just too many downsides to coming out fully for me. Maybe after my children are grown and out on their own

I wish you the best of luck and happiness!

Kayleigh

kayleigh (imported) wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:20 pm It is a brave thing you are doing I wish I could do the same there are just too many downsides to coming out fully for me. Maybe after my children are grown and out on their own

I wish you the best of luck and happiness!

Kayleigh

Thanks for the good wishes, Kayleigh. I don't feel brave at all, although I appreciate and understand your comment. It all comes down to finally doing what makes me truly happy. Remember, I am 56 so it took me a long time to get to this place. Those were not wasted years, either, but all part of the process that got me to where I am today.

I wish you the very best now and in the future.

Hugs,

Danya

drew28 (imported) wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2008 12:11 pm Yes good luck, peace, happiness, and success with transitioning at work and in general. I would love to go down the road of transition, I just don't have the money.

Hi Drew,

Your good wishes mean a lot to me. It is true that transitioning is expensive. I am fortunate in that, given my age and other factors, it does not need to be as expensive as it is for some.

I wish you the best!

Hugs,

Danya

Soon it will be two months since my May 19 transition at work. Today turned out to be an emotional high point nearly on a par with the days immediately leading up to and following that day. I'm not exactly sure why this should be particularly true today as overall I have been doing really well.

My boss and I had a long, personal talk for the first time since transition week. He told me that coworkers are still commenting to him about how happy, energetic, confident and engaged in life I am. They tell him what a good thing this is. The last time he got this feedback on me was only yesterday.

There were some other good things that happened today so I suppose everything combined simply made it a very good day. There are stresses for me, like a lot of debt and a very heavy work load at the office. There have also been layoffs at my company and those are continuing. Despite the problems in my life I cannot imagine anything that would make it any better than it is right now.

It may be that I don't post to this thread for a time because I am not sure what else to add. I'm certain there will be new things to report as time goes by. Tomorrow night or in a few weeks, I will have something new to report.

Ah...I just remembered MrT's questions about what it feels like to be transsexual. It is a happy feeling for me but I what he really wants to know, I think, is the why behind this happiness. I will give more thought to his post and respond to that sometime.

"

Danya (imported) wrote: Fri Jul 11, 2008 8:03 pm coworkers are still commenting to him about how happy, energetic, confident and engaged in life I am

"

This makes me incredibly happy. XD It's so great things are going so well for you! Kickass!

"

Danya (imported) wrote: Fri Jul 11, 2008 8:03 pm coworkers are still commenting to him about how happy, en

twaddler (imported) wrote: Fri Jul 11, 2008 10:09 pm ergetic, confident and engaged in life I am

"

This makes me incredibly happy. XD It'

s so great things are going so well for you! Kickass!

I always enjoy hearing from you, tanglog. Thanks for the great comments!

I am finding it unlikely, at least for the near future, that I will be able to resist writing here for long. I am still not sure I have much new to say although I am certain that will change as time goes on.

As a close friend on the Archive says, it is therapeutic for me to write. Writing helps me sort through my feelings. I am also clearly stating who I am here for all to read and it is has become critical for me to feel that I am known for who I really am. The Archive is the first place where I have felt comfortable doing that.

I had a minor revelation this evening that now seems such an obvious thing that I could not have possibly missed it. I have overlooked one of the key components of my newly found happiness as a woman. Until now, I have viewed my happiness as being entirely based on my finally coming home to my true self and my total acceptance of who I am. I have no doubts that I am a woman. This is the first time in my life I have felt completely comfortable in my own skin. All this is based on my internal view of who I am.

A major contributor to my current happiness, though, comes from others' total acceptance of me. This is what I have not fully recognized until this evening. I never counted on people for validation earlier in life. I could not do that because I always knew, on some level, that positive responses to me were based on an identity that was not mine. They were inherently suspect and I could not trust them. The only thing I could fully count on was my own internal voice.

I have reported how coworkers and friends have treated me very well since I transitioned. That has been terrific but it is only now that I fully comprehend how significant it is. What has changed is that now I have honest, open interactions with people. For the first time in my life, people are interacting with me with full knowledge of who I truly am and they like what they see. Their reactions are very positive and for the first time this matters to me. People like me simply for being my real self. I don't have to do anything beyond that to be appreciated.

It is getting late and I still need to eat dinner. I needed to write tonight because a certain someone on this board is right. I do find it therapeutic and that is just what I need this evening.

I am feeling a little down because I have spent the entire day investigating ways to bring in more money. I haven't progressed far. While I was doing the investigating, I was falling behind on starting up my photography side business. That is a long-term effort to generate income. For the next several years it may not produce much at all.

One of the things I am investigating is teaching an online course in science or IT. Late this afternoon, I submitted an application for such a position with the state university.

Why the hell do I need to bring in more money? There are several reasons. One is so I can more rapidly pay off debt. Another is to save more for retirement. Yet a third is to have more money available for my transition from male to female. A fourth is to have money available for some occasional fun so I am not stuck at home.

My main concern is the transition part. [In a close second position is 'occasional fun'.] That is what is getting me down tonight. On a purely emotional level, my feelings leave me in no doubt that I am female. Intellectually I can tell myself that this is sufficient for my happiness. I have finally realized and accepted who I am. Even better, I am living the life of a woman. I am indeed happy.

But...the further through this adventure I travel, the more I want to be prepared for future choices. I want to be able to have the option of paying for SRS, for instance, should I decide I that is for me. I want to have the money to finish electrolysis, despite the fact that most of my remaining facial hair is gray and quite easily concealed with makeup.

I want to be loved. The latter does not require that I be a 'sugar momma' (if there is such a thing) but it may mean that I do have to go for SRS and complete electrolysis. I do not buy the argument that at my age, 56, sex is unimportant. Similarly, I do not listen to those who tell me I am too old to rollerblade, but that's off-topic.

BTW, I believe one way or another I will find a way to get all this accomplished. If that is my ultimate decision. I am persistent and I have never given up before.

I still believe that what I do has to be for me alone. Any future decisions I make on surgery and other things will be for my benefit. Not choices made for someone else's happiness.

Today, I would have preferred to spend my time taking photos of beautiful wild flowers and lake vistas. Instead, I was feeling uptight revising my resume for online teaching.

Something I did not get to but need to finish is providing information to my company to help convince them to end their exclusion of GID expenses (including SRS) from the company health insurance. The fact that I did not get to do this added some stress.

Such is life. Overall, I am doing extraordinarily well.

No one has asked me a thing here that has in any way offended me. I do not expect that to happen, either. There are questions from members, though, that I feel comfortable answering that I would not dream of discussing with most people I know outside the virtual world.

In preparation for my transition, I provided human resources with a nice little summary of 'OK' and 'Not OK' questions to ask a transgender person. It was short and would have been perfect for general information purposes here. Especially for visitors to this site.

After several hours of searching over the last week, I have been unable to locate this information. In its place, I am including, in another thread, text from Calpernia Addam's video "Bad Things to Ask a Transsexual".

Turns out, I still need to fine the text version. As a temporary fix, I have posted a link to the video here http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=13722

Danya (imported) wrote: Mon Jul 14, 2008 7:08 pm I still believe that what I do has to be for me alone. Any future decisions I make on surgery and other things will be for my benefit. Not choices made for someone else's happiness.

Thats the best advice I think anyone could give you. Never slide over to an operating table unless its for you!

When you write that paper about including GID surgery coverage I think one point that has to be made is that its "medical" not some kind of optional "fun" and I think if you approach it that way you will change their minds.

Is "sex" really needed? ie if you had a person who had prostate surgery and was impotent. How important would it be to have surgery to allow that person to have his sexual health "repaired"?