Hello Raj,
Sorry I haven't replied earlier. As I've said, I'm no expert or professional. I have had some issues recently that left me in a bit of a black hole for a while. It's just dentistry, but it always leaves me feeling very depressed for a few days.
Anyway, What I've been trying to allude to is this:
I think you need to seriously think about building your own scaffold of a support network for you. Unfortunately this is going to take some time and effort from you (again.) I'm sorry, but this is how I'm reading your situation.
You and I are, along with everybody else on here, on the first wave of a brave new world. We're sailing into the face of "received wisdom" and saying our bodies are our own and we'd like our bodies to be like 'this', whatever 'this' might be.
So, you will need some medical people on side. Those who have knowledge and understand are still thin on the ground compared with the ground-swell of people who want to their bodies to be, as I would say, modified to match their minds. This is the biggest problem I see in the present. The lack of supply of medicos with the knowledge.
Firstly, you will need a general practitioner to oversee and coordinate your pathway. A good knowledgeable GP will already have connections to the people you should be seeing next. I recommended contacting the Monash clinic, because even though they have a long waiting list, they will also know of other general practices where you may get support.
I have to be honest here. I believe that by chance, I had established a good support network for myself without realising how significant what I was doing would be. I am extremely fortunate to have fallen on my feet in this matter.
I do wish it could be as quick and easy as I've found things. But, the ground work needs to be done. Confucius said the march of a thousand miles starts with a single step. I think your first step should be to step back, to take a deep breath and count to ten, so as to speak. It's too easy to whip oneself into a bit of a frantic state.
Then, find your new GP. Go shopping. Ask questions. This is about your long term mental state. This is very much about you finding someone who suits you, not someone who will dictate to you.
Now, a 30 second search with the terms- doctor gender melbourne - get these results on the first page.
https://zbgc.org.au/resources/for-trans ... providers/
https://www.doctorsofsouthmelbourne.com ... sitioning/
https://www.austin.org.au/gender-clinic/
https://equinox.org.au/
https://www.transhub.org.au/find-a-doctor
https://northsideclinic.net.au/health-s ... ry-health/
As I've said before. Ignore the transitioning word. It's there as a legacy from the fact that people who need to change from one gender to another got here first and claimed all the words. We too are transitioning, but to another place entirely.
Make this your first goal. Finding the GP of best fit. You absolutely need to start here. Slow it down, step back from the frantic, and build what you need for yourself.
What follows is only my opinion, so take it as you will.
The difference between surgical and chemical castration, from a practical point of view, is tiny. When your testosterone supply is cut off, it's cut off, regardless of whether your balls are or not. I was fully expecting a 'trial' of three to six months duration myself, and was resigned to having to wait.
As others have said, this is so you and your healthcare providers can gauge how well you respond to a lack of testosterone. If you read through this site, you'll find that the lack of this hormone can have many significant effects beyond those you feel you want. One is a pit of depression that is horrific. Having someone to hold your hand and prescribe the right treatments to help you through that difficult time is worth the effort in itself, if you ask me.
I do understand how you feel. That constant yearning and churning inside. How what started as a little seed of an idea has grown into what is verging on obsession. Be kind to yourself Raj, the world is barely up to speed with you. You're riding on the edge of human consciousness now.
Sadly, the other thing I'm trying to say as gently as I can, is that I think the psychiatrists you've been seeing are out of their depth from what you've been saying, and so your time has been largely wasted. You really need to start from the beginning. Get that GP, and the rest will follow.
Do keep the overseas option just that, as support for you during and after your surgery will be very important indeed.
Billy.
The psychiatrist you have been seeing fills a need, but it's not yours. Time to move on and try another. Finding good counsel is like buying clothes. If they don't fit you, they're no good for you.