So it's more than two weeks since I stopped the medication, but I still feel some effects, actually more than a while ago. After a small increase, my sexdrive decreased severely again along with the ability to get hard. For a week I have had no morning wood and no spontaneous erections, physical manipulation leads only to semi hard erections which quickly go down when I stop touching myself. Other physical things I noticed: after getting some intense acne a few days after stopping the meds, my skin then became dryer with every day and is actually much cleaner now than before.

I feel a bit weird because I know I used to jerk off multiple times a day, but I'm not really in the mood now and this makes me kind of sad. I had sex with my boyfriend aswell and could get barely hard then, which also made me feel bad and like I'm a shitty partner. So yeah, I feel much less mentally stable at the moment, it's incredibly hard to get motivated to get out of the house right now and while I don't waste time jerking off (or only very little if I force myself to do it, btw the cum amount is very much reduced) I find lots of new ways to waste my time and not be productive, mostly gaming and pondering over my life/sexuality/whatever. The ambiguity of not knowing when and if my body and mind return to normal drives me crazy at times and makes me feel very insecure.

An interesting (and potentially good) thing is that my sexual fetishes are much less annoying right now, most seem actually very silly and dumb to get horny over. The same applies to my favourite fantasy, which is castration... so yeah, I am more and more under the impression that for me castration is really just a jerk of fetish, a fantasy and I am not so sure whether it is something for me to actually do it, but right now my brain is pretty messy and I can't think straight, so I bet when my libido is full back on, I will happily jerk off to the thought of getting castrated and might want to try it again. The human mind really is the silly thing here...

tobi24876 (imported) wrote: Fri Aug 02, 2019 10:26 pm So it's more than two weeks since I stopped the medication, but I still feel some effects, actually more than a while ago. After a small increase, my sexdrive decreased severely again along with the ability to get hard. For a week I have had no morning wood and no spontaneous erections, physical manipulation leads only to semi hard erections which quickly go down when I stop touching myself. Other physical things I noticed: after getting some intense acne a few days after stopping the meds, my skin then became dryer with every day and is actually much cleaner now than before.

I feel a bit weird because I know I used to jerk off multiple times a day, but I'm not really in the mood now and this makes me kind of sad. I had sex with my boyfriend aswell and could get barely hard then, which also made me feel bad and like I'm a shitty partner. So yeah, I feel much less mentally stable at the moment, it's incredibly hard to get motivated to get out of the house right now and while I don't waste time jerking off (or only very little if I force myself to do it, btw the cum amount is very much reduced) I find lots of new ways to waste my time and not be productive, mostly gaming and pondering over my life/sexuality/whatever. The ambiguity of not knowing when and if my body and mind return to normal drives me crazy at times and makes me feel very insecure.

An interesting (and potentially good) thing is that my sexual fetishes are much less annoying right now, most seem actually very silly and dumb to get horny over. The same applies to my favourite fantasy, which is castration... so yeah, I am more and more under the impression that for me castration is really just a jerk of fetish, a fantasy and I am not so sure whether it is something for me to actually do it, but right now my brain is pretty messy and I can't think straight, so I bet when my libido is full back on, I will happily jerk off to the thought of getting castrated and might want to try it again. The human mind really is the silly thing here...

your T levels might fluctuate for a while until they stabilize at some level. It is also known, that they stabilize at lower level each time after androcur use. Also, there is at least one case I know where T levels remained low after first Androcur use. Generally this side effect is rarely known. It is only barely mentioned in one study of intermittent T supression therapy for prostate cancer.

It varies from person to person. Most do not notice much difference after short period (few months) of Androcur use.

Thanks erikboy! Useful input as always

In your trial thread you mention feeling much safer doing this experiment knowing what to expect and the same was more or less true for me, but the general answer to "how long does it take to go back to normal" seems to be: it varies a lot - so not much safety here. I still appreciate your effort and feel better now. Will try to relax a bit this weekend and don't think so much about gender identity and sexuality, then start to motivate myself next week and get some stuff done.

Keep in mind it is quite a shock to the system when you T suddenly crashes. Next time, maybe you should ease into lowering your T so your body and mind can get used to it. Also, shoot for castrate level of 50ng/dl rather than driving T to almost nothing. You may want to add in some estrogen for energy and mood but take tamoxafin with it if you want to avoid any breast growth. Tamoxifen acts like an anti-estrogen in breast cells and acts like an estrogen in other tissues like bones.

JessicaH (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 05, 2019 2:44 am Keep in mind it is quite a shock to the system when you T suddenly crashes. Next time, maybe you should ease into lowering your T so your body and mind can get used to it. Also, shoot for castrate level of 50ng/dl rather than driving T to almost nothing. You may want to add in some estrogen for energy and mood but take tamoxafin with it if you want to avoid any breast growth. Tamoxifen acts like an anti-estrogen in breast cells and acts like an estrogen in other tissues like bones.

I actually wanted the T to drop really fast, so I could directly feel the difference rather than undergo a slow gradual change.

I can't be sure since I didn't check my T levels, but I think I didn't reach lower than castrate levels, because I stopped the treatment rather quickly. I do believe that my body is somewhere between castrate and normal at the moment.

Yesterday I had an orgasm for the first time in a week and it was very satisfying. So much that I think it might last for a while (similar to the feeling I had immedeately after stopping the meds), I'm feeling quite content now, although still a bit troubled by the lack of my accustomed morning erections...

Other than that, my skin is awesome at the moment, very dry, no acne at all, but at the same time really soft and smooth, I love that a lot. Too bad one can't pick and choose effects of such a treatment, my list would be like:

reduced sexdrive, no constant urge (maybe between once a week to once a month wanting sex or masturbation for relaxation)

ability to sexually perform WHEN NEEDED (like when boyfriend suddenly is very horny for his secret eunuch boy)

nice skin

being less aggressive and calmer in general, but at the same time motivated and have no lack of energy

So yeah, I know this isn't possible as a whole. But I may try Tamoxifen next time or even a bit estrogen for more energy and less bone problems in the long run.

JessicaH (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 05, 2019 2:44 am Tamoxifen acts like an anti-estrogen in breast cells and acts like an estrogen in other tissues like bones.

Don't you mix Tamoxifen with Raloxifen? To my knowledge Tamoxifen blocks estrogen completely. Raloxifen acts like you describe. I am currently using Raloxifen, and I can tell that I do not muscle pains nor do I have joint pains, which I tended to have without Raloxifen.

JessicaH (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 05, 2019 2:44 am Keep in mind it is quite a shock to the system when you T suddenly crashes. Next time, maybe you should ease into lowering your T so your body and mind can get used to it. Also, shoot for castrate level of 50ng/dl rather than driving T to almost nothing. You may want to add in some estrogen for energy and mood but take tamoxafin with it if you want to avoid any breast growth. Tamoxifen acts like an anti-estrogen in breast cells and acts like an estrogen in other tissues like bones.

I agree. I've lowered my testosterone in stages until it was the clear path for me. Doing CaCl2 injections brought T down low enough to almost totally eliminate sex drive. I also strongly recommend estradiol for general health as well as mental sharpness. I also take progesterone but I don't know how much that has contributed. The female hormones have further reduced my libido. Regardless, I have none of the loss of interest in life, people, etc. I actually feel much sharper mentally and have enthusiasm for life like being 20 years younger. The main thing that has changed is total loss of libido. But keep in mind that everyone is different, so you have to find what combination of drugs works best for you.

Update - 1 Month after stopping my super short Androcur test

It's been a month since I took my last pill of Androcur, and omg the recovery is ever so slowly! I honestly never thought that it would take so long for things to return to normal after such a small time taking the drug. Let me go into detail:

Libido was only completely gone for a week or so (I think a week or two after stopping the treatment), then gradually started to return. Since last week it's almost back to normal, I have the urge to masturbate daily and often want it again a second time even if I jerked off

Erections during masturbation are still not as hard as they used to be, but enough to make it pleasurable, maybe 80% stiffness. However, erections still can't be maintained for very long without physical stimulation. I didn't have sex for two weeks, I'm curious how that will work out. Cum consistency is also more as it used to be, thick and sticky

Still no morning wood! Where are they? I kinda miss them

Yesterday I had my first spontaneous erection since a month. It occured in a stressful and tense situation, namely during one of my exams. Nothing sexual going on there, but I think the male body sometimes reacts in that way, I remember that it happened in similar circumstances before. It wasn't a real hard boner though, I just felt a bit blood rushing into it, slightly enlarging it and giving me some good feelings along with a bit of confusion and surprise

Skin is still good all in all, but one or two spots have returned

For a few days I have some mild testicular pain in one of my balls. Nothing severe, just like a bit pressure as if I was pinching it slightly, not sure if it has something to do with chemical castration recovery

Emotionally, I had one "moment" a week ago, where I was quite desperate and about to cry due to an extremely difficult problem I had to solve. It may or may not have been due to the hormones that this situation escalated in such a way. It took me some hours to calm down and I eventually managed to overcome the problem with sheer tenacity. Yes, I'm just THAT awesome^^

Motivation to do things seems to be normal. That is, for me, I'm a bit lazy and like to postpone things, but I get them done eventually

So I'm feeling reasonably good at the moment, despite having lots of exams this week, which on the other hand provide a good distraction to keep me from jerking off for hours. Looking forward to the next weeks and possibly full recovery

Hi Tobi,

You are doing fine.

Wish you good luck with the exams. This has priority now.

Meanwhile you have a very interesting personal experience.

I also remember myself recovering very, very slowly.

Take care.

Vesal.

Final Update

Everything is back to normal! The last few missing things of maleness have returned. That is, morning erections and oily skin (I really loved my clear skin during the last weeks ). The rest (libido, emotionial stability and sexual ability) is more or less as it used to be for a few days now.

I therefore consider this (pseudo) trial finished. I know I did not experience the full extent of castration due to the shortness of my Androcur intake, but I think I got a pretty nice glimpse on some of the effects.

What have I learned? The peace of not having the urge to constantly masturbate is good, but was in my case overshadowed by a feeling of being not myself, which basically made me feel sad for the loss of libido and sexual function. I know I wanted this, but in this very moment, I felt bad about it and had lots of doubts whether this was the right decision. I think I've read it somewhere in this forum, where someone stated that the male sexuality has the habit of trying to survive at all costs, even if you are determined to put it to sleep for some time, it fights with all it has to change your mind and make you stop. Actually that made me feel even less in control than without the medication, where I often feel compelled (forced?) to masturbate. So yeah, I think I might have just been before a certain point where the sexuality is well oppressed and the doubts fade away, but I can't be sure. It certainly calls for another trial to sort that out and see whether those same doubts return, just before the sexuality is shut down and if they remain even with continued treatment (in that case there is no way I would go on with castration, because this feeling was not pleasant at all).

Thanks to all for your meaningful input and support, I will keep you updated once I decide to give it another try. Any last tips from you? Things I should do differently next time, change in medication (maybe add Tamoxifen to help with bones etc. OR maybe add a low dose of estrogen...)? I probably will do another thread to that topic at some time, but if anyone has an easy solution on how to get my partner on board of this project, I'm happy to hear it