How are those poor abused balls of yours now SplitDick?

Riven (imported) wrote: Wed Sep 07, 2011 2:00 pm How are those poor abused balls of yours now SplitDick?

I have to say they are amazingly resilient. Here is the list of things I've done to them:

- injections of saline, acid, alcohol, hand cleanser, toothpaste, diaper rash cream, and now depo-Provera (all directly into the testicles). It is really amusing when I get scrotal ultrasounds as the technicians (always female in Canada, they don't care about the same sex thing) will start looking puzzled and then call over their senior sonographer and both of them will be working extra hard to capture all the lumps inside.

- crushing in woodworking vices, etc. I used to crush them in the door jam with the bathroom door every day for over 15 years. I paid dominatrixes to crank down the vices as much as their strength would allow ...

- lots of banding, including using real elastrators, but also things like hose clamps, plastic ties, duct tape, hair elastics.

- heating and cooling, submerging in ice or hot tea

- one attempt at microwaving them which was aborted after a few seconds as the microwave latch broke due to the pressure of me trying to close the door with my balls inside (it was tough explaining to the wife how it happened)

- lots of full-weight trampling and busting by dominatrixes. (I used to have a lot of money and bad habit of frequenting dominatrix prostitutes, almost daily for a while.)

- convinced a lot of girlfriends into biting them and squeezing/twisting them.

- hung myself by my balls on multiple occasions. This eventually caused a rip between my scrotum and abdomen internally so that my scrotum filled up with abdominal fluid to the side of grapefruit (no exaggeration I couldn't put on pants) which is called hydoceles. I had to get them operated on.

- have had lots of skewering and piercing sessions with dominatrixes.

- recently had a vasectomy

- did lots of vacuum pumping

And after all that, I was able to still have two children impregnating my wife within two tries in each case, still really horny, and while on close inspection they are pretty scarred and kind of lumpy, they still look pretty normal.

But I really wish I didn't have such compulsions to hurt myself. It really is a sort of paraphilia at this point. Even though I've come a long way in normalizing my sexuality, I find that if I want to orgasm faster I usually have to imagine my balls being hurt by a woman. But I guess we all have our challenges -- the rest of my life is amazing.

Oh my, that is quite a list--you must have high pain tolerance. I can barely stand thumping them. I have to ask if you dont mind...why toothpaste?

Lasander (imported) wrote: Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:56 pm Oh my, that is quite a list--you must have high pain tolerance. I can barely stand thumping them. I have to ask if you dont mind...why toothpaste?

Why not?

Well, when I get the urge to hurt myself it is a compulsion and pretty much anything at hand becomes an implement of self-harm. Since many times these urges plague me at home, especially when hanging around naked, anything in the bathroom seems like a good idea to my addled brain at the time. I guess I figured that toothpaste would really sting, and in the moment pain is what I'm seeking.

It really is a compulsion -- when I'm in the compulsive mode hurting myself seems like a really good idea and I'll actually obsess with doing something all day, even going through the trouble to go buy some new vice or something at Home Depot, and progress to hurting myself. But as soon as I do the act, the compulsion immediately dissipates and I regret it immediately and can't understand why I would be even interested in hurting myself.

It is a tough mental illness to deal with. Especially since my life is so perfect -- I literally have never had a bad thing happen to me in my life, except things I've done to myself. I've had all the breaks. I skipped several grades in school and started university at age 16 with advance placement meaning I didn't have to take any first year courses, and on full scholarship (tuition, housing, food, everything covered). I was captain of every sports team I was on, I was high-school student council president, etc. I was getting sex from girls by the time I was 14. I got a great job in high-tech and made $14M by the time I was 28. I married a really hot Asian woman who has been totally devoted to me, is a total nympho even to this day, and put up with all my wierdness, and gave me two wonderful kids (who are also exhibiting extreme intelligence -- my seven year old daughter just beat a co-worker of mine in chess, and my son today who is 10 called me to say that he'd memorized the periodic table and he recited it to me perfectly). I'm tall, handsome, healthy, very strong and athletic, have a really easy job that is really rewarding, etc. I live in California where every day is beautiful.

But I have to spend most of my time trying to prevent myself from seriously hurting myself. For example, just about five minutes ago I just ordered some Spiro online. I don't want to take it, but probably will when I receive it. It is a compulsion.

I just need to hurt myself also. I have ordered all the supplies to castrate myself and hope that will end it. Really I think I will need to cut off my penis as well. Why do I do this? I just know I must.

feedback (imported) wrote: Fri Sep 09, 2011 7:39 pm I just need to hurt myself also. I have ordered all the supplies to castrate myself and hope that will end it. Really I think I will need to cut off my penis as well. Why do I do this? I just know I must.

It's difficult to know why, but you should be able to get to the bottom of it if you work it through with a good psychologist, psychiatrist, or psychotherapist. I do think you should do just that before you do something you might regret. When you find the answer to the question "Why do I do this?" you may feel differently, but if you still feel compelled to castrate yourself, I'd urge you to take the general advice of this forum and try chemical castration first, because the effects of castration are a little different for each man and it's very useful to know how you'll get on.

Riven (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 20, 2011 1:05 pm It's difficult to know why, but you should be able to get to the bottom of it if you work it through with a good psychologist, psychiatrist, or psychotherapist. I do think you should do just that before you do something you might regret. When you find the answer to the question "Why do I do this?" you may feel differently, but if you still feel compelled to castrate yourself, I'd urge you to take the general advice of this forum and try chemical castration first, because the effects of castration are a little different for each man and it's very useful to know how you'll get on.

I know you're responding to feedback's post, but in comparison I've seen a lot of psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists. They've been very good, worked really hard and all come to the same conclusion: The problem is that it is simply a fetish or paraphilia as they would call it. I'm a sexual masochist. There is no other reason for it. I was never abused, have no gender identity issues, etc. It is just as inexplicable as someone that gets sexually aroused by feet.

In my case, I don't want to be castrated. At all. So I don't want to try chemical castration. In fact this thread was about me trying to chemically castrate myself, and then regretting that and trying to reverse it. I know for sure that I'd hate to be castrated. But it is a huge turn on to have as much pain as I can get, which involves hurting my testicles. That's it -- simple explanation, but difficult to handle.

Maybe feedback's case is different though, and certainly all options should be explored.

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SplitDik (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:51 pm Maybe feedback's case is different though, and certainly all options should be explored.

That's what I was driving at SplitDik.

SplitDik (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:51 pm I know you're responding to feedback's post, but in comparison I've seen a lot of psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists. They've been very good, worked really hard and all come to the same conclusion: The problem is that it is simply a fetish or paraphilia as they would call it. I'm a sexual masochist. There is no other reason for it. I was never abused, have no gender identity issues, etc. It is just as inexplicable as someone that gets sexually aroused by feet.

Interesting you should use that example. I have always been sexually aroused by (beautiful female) feet

SplitDik (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:51 pm In my case, I don't want to be castrated. At all. So I don't want to try chemical castration. In fact this thread was about me trying to chemically castrate myself, and then regretting that and trying to reverse it. I know for sure that I'd hate to be castrated. But it is a huge turn on to have as much pain as I can get, which involves hurting my testicles. That's it -- simple explanation, but difficult to handle.

I'm pretty sure my drive towards castration is at least partly a paraphilia like yours: An extension of my drive towards body piercing, cock splitting etc. but not quite the same as yours, in that I'm not into the pain. You say (above) that you don't want to try chemical castration. Have you made the decision to put the pepo-provira 'beyond use' and try to stop hurting your balls? I'm interested because I sold the Burdizzo so that I'd stop playing with it, and I've considered throwing away my cyproterone tablets, but I haven't. Very interested to know how you're dealing with your compulsions.

I wish I saw this when it posted. I could have save you alot of heart ache. A dose of 450mg is a normal weekly shot for chemical castration. The normal range is 300-500mg with high dosages of 700mg reported. Just google "depo provera castration dosage"