...
I was thinking the same thing, and it really strikes a nerve with me.
Waka Gashira (imported) wrote: Sat Jan 09, 2010 2:48 am
Is "child neglect" worse than a loving relationship with "child abuse"? Without a moments thought my knee-jerk reaction is a resounding "NO!" but this series does raise this question from an interesting perspective.
Even if you're talking about abuse not on the same scale as this fictional piece, you still have to take into account what A-1 mentioned on another thread and hasn't moved here yet: Stockholm Syndrome, as in captives or abuse-ees bonding with their captors/tormentors.
To be brief, my stepdad wasn't the best parent in the world. But when he showed up, despite his outbursts and actions, I did everything a young boy could think to do to make him love me. I didn't have to go and spend time with them, as they didn't have custody of me. But I did, every single time it was offered.
Why?
Because those that did have custody of me pretty much ignored me. Not to the scale, again, of this story, but they ignored me.
Waka Gashira (imported) wrote: Sat Jan 09, 2010 2:48 am
Despite the abuse and humiliation Benny has had to endure, there are clear signs (eg the craving for mr poore's affection) that benny might prefer Canyon's strange life to his own, where his mother doesn't look after him or provide the love he needs.
The sad truth is, even after having a gun held to my head or being knocked around by a drunk for the first time, I wanted to stay there. Some attention is better than none? Despite it being abuse?
Waka Gashira (imported) wrote: Sat Jan 09, 2010 2:48 am
Benny's conflicting feelings between hating the position he's in, and craving love from mr poore, I suggest, may foreshadow him choosing voluntarily to remain in this strange lifestyle, as do the implied existence of many other such boys who are all content and happy.
Will Benny ever want to go home? If he stays with mr poore, what will become of him? When will Canyon take his fathers place? What will benny do then?
Like I said, I wanted to stay in the abusive home, rather than the boring one. Does that make sense? As adults, can we sit back and think that we comprehend what's in an 11-year-old's mind?
Add to that the fact when the kid knows that he isn't the only one getting abused. If others are, then it's normal, right?
's? He's already said this once in the story. Something like "I control him like my dad controlled me."
Raising the question: Do the abused grow up to be abusers?
Do I do the things my stepdad did? No. Have I ever considered it? No.
Simply put, I know what 'my' youngest, #5, now 12, expects of me. He knows what behavior I expect of him. He knows the consequences if he screws up, and they do not include spanking him until he's red and screaming. The very threat of having his pants pulled down and hand-swatted once is plenty.
The last time I administered even a 3-swat spanking was over 5 years ago on #4, and he was warned. Repeatedly. OK, he was a little "light pink" for a few minutes. Heck, I got worse from the principal in the 8th grade. Still, I did NOT enjoy doing it. It tore me up, and the boy saw that. I think that made more of an impact than anything.
Sadly, though, it is a statistical fact that there is a cycle of abuse. Abused kids are likely to abuse their own in later life. You can Google that, it's all over the place.
Perhaps Jesus had stats readily at hand? Keep in mind, the last time I studied this was in SCED404 or something in college.
I like to think, in my case, though, that I didn't fall into that cycle.
However, there seems to be a cycle of this "abusive lifestyle" in the story. Mr. Poore is well connected, and all of his friends have boys in similar situations. And they all seem content with it.
It gets me to thinking about the Stockholm Syndrome issue, and makes me realize, that to some degree, I had it back then.
It would be interesting to see some other comments on Waka's points here.
Just now, she was mad that I was reading chapter 9 without letting her know that it was posted! 
