There is a lot of underhanded punching and hitting in your post and justification. I've offered you the opportunity to tell your story. No more excuses - tell us the truth or stop telling us tales and making snide comments.

2001

I visited Vietnam the first time in 2001, just as a tourist. A little the brutal way, only a flight ticket...having to find out everything at the spot.

I traveled from Ho Chi Minh to Hanoi and back, by bus and by rented motorbikes. I found out that this country has very different people. I liked the people from the South. I am Dutch, origin from near the German border, and even my generation (born after the world war 2) still likes to remember the Germans by asking about our missing bicycles. Those people were so different, not revengeful like I was used to.

Near the end of 2001, something happened in the world, and this event somehow woke me up, taught me a lesson about myself. But that one is for later.

I needed an escape, and beginning 2002 I toke my flight to Vietnam again, and having almost no money with me was no accident. I placed myself at one of the poor districts of Saigon (Ho Chi Minh). I learned a lot about the poor life. I have been working for about 2 dollars a day to get something to eat. But there was one thing that made me feel happy, safe and comfortable.....

Being poor and not having a hotel room means, not having any privacy at all.

I guess this is not easy to understand if you not share my feelings, but resting somewhere outside, having a little girl falling asleep on your lap an arresting you to that spot for over two hours, people making fun, and showing respect..........and no way to do things nobody should know. As I said, the comfort of having no privacy at all. My first guide cheated a lot, so I just used him to get introduced to that part of the city. I found a new one, Ph****. It was him who I went out with for this poor work, and if I needed to go somewhere, he was my guide, even if many times I had no money.

This moment, I cannot call him my guide anymore, if needed I show him Saigon. Most of the time I introduce him as "James, the butler" He learned his english in a few years, by having a lot of practice to understand me.

I was feeling free and happy, I could have fun with the kids, and nothing could happen. I learned to understand their style of living;..... having no privacy, they created privacy by a shield, just ignoring that the world around them exists. I think one really needs to live this way with them to understand how this works.

The Netherlands government introduced an integration exam. The girls (and boys) who wanted to get married at NL needed to learn something about my country and a few first words Dutch. I guess I am not a bad teacher, over 60% of my students scored A2 level at their exams and they only needed

A 1minus. A2 is the level that the professional teacher cannot teach people in my country in about three years, funny....

Students started to come from all out of Vietnam. Even a girl from Cambodia, who didn't speak any english, nor Vietnamese passed the exam after three months lessons. I could borrow a big house (in fact two together) and I offered an all in (Study, room, lesson materials, food, drinks) for the same 350euro my country dares to ask for two times 15 minutes of exam. I had my cards with this information on the consulate, as a nice blame for my country

Ph**** is married and has two sons. The youngest, now 12, so I know him from when he was 4. I didn't understand what was going on, this little fellow hated me. His look was telling me so clearly that I was an intruder in his life.

I didn't do him anything. Children do like me.

I started to learn more about Ph**** and his family. Ph**** had a girlfriend as he was young, but for her family, he wasn't good enough. Now she is divorced, and they are seeing each other again. But Ph**** is married and he loves his children.

Little more then two years ago, I was sitting at the other side of the street, in front of Ph****'s house, having coffee at the shop of his mother.

The little boy was at home, trying to do his homework. I will call him by his home name Em (the little brother) Em is good at school, and he likes to learn.Within 20 minutes his mother ordered him three times, to get something from his grandma's shop, not lifting her own ass. She was terrorizing him, so he couldn't do his homework. After the third time, he exploded (as so many times) and he got himself beaten up in a terrible way. Vietnam can be hard!!

I started to understand, she wa making a hell to the kids every time Ph**** went out, this way forcing him to stay. Em was crying, and looking angry at me. He must have seen something he had never expect. ( my tears)

He went inside, had a handful of water through his face, and came back, now looking at me in a complete different way.

The next morning, I got waked up by a small hand at my shoulder. The little "devil" had borrowed the key of my home, and came to invite my for coffee. Means he wanted me to be at his grandma's place again.

I change their living place, having them use a part of my home. This way, if some-one is going to get kicked out, that is up to me. Only a few months more, there was a fight (shouting) again, and suddenly Em came in to my room with a pillow and his (always) baby blanket. They are used to sleep on the floor, but he was looking, and as I moved a little, he jumped in to my bed.

This didn't change any more for any period I stay there. The next day, Ahn (the older brother) moved his mattress next to our bed... The door is never locked, it is a pity that I have to close them for the airco.

That same week, I started Androcur, you should have noticed on this board

There is no problem with my control over my..how should I call it, needs, urges, but I had never like them. I just have had it with those feelings, I don't want to be in control, I want to be free

I love this little fellow, I love him with all my heart, and I want him to have a chance to fight himself a way out of district 8. He deserves it. I once like to show some priggish girl students that they studied the wrong way. Me and Ph**** had Em two lessons Dutch and he was ready for the level of the integration exam. Nice student I guess (and a special teacher)

About two weeks ago, I got the message that Em had decided that I was right and that he should learn English. He had found himself a international school at district 1 The little "devil" is going for quality. I didn't want to force him, he is young and has his friends at the school at district 8. But I made him an offer... The money has ben send, and as soon as they get it, Em will start a two month private study at a international school, so they can test him and have an advice for his future study. He is so happy. Ph**** told my that Em now really starts to understand what he means to me.

And about me.... I am a Vietnamese who has to work abroad, to make the money for my family, having them a future. My biggest health problem: I am homesick. Loving a young boy at Vietnam for me means that I can not be there with him. I miss him, his family, all my friends and Vietnam every day, getting up at 2.45am working seven days a week......

The little fellow is protected very well. He wears a necklace, a ring at his finger and one at his toe. Every-one except for his father thinks he has bought this silverplated shit at the supermarket. The massive white gold will not be recognized easy at the neck of a poor young boy, and he is clever enough to understand this trick I told him. He is playing with it, doesn't take it of if he goes swimming. For around my living place, he is wearing about two annual incomes, so even if something happens, and I get problems.....

He can replace a lost motorbike for his family, he can pay for his study if I can't send money, he can send any relative to a hospital if urgent.....

And if by accident it gets lost, he owns a second necklace and a ring. They are copies from the ones he is wearing. I am wearing them, he "allows" me, but if needed they are his.

He likes a little friend of mine I told about a while ago. A clever boy with malformed feet. That one is going to school next month ( normal Vietnamese school) and I have the feeling Em is getting himself a new brother as the parents of this boy might have to come back to their home in Mekong

And me????? I like to hear every day what people think about other people who dare to love children, who dare to take them in their arms, have them a hug and a kiss, and care about them. Me, I am just one of the wounded animals in this zoo.

And it is my choice, this is the person I want to be.....

loveUall

Jean

kristoff wrote: Mon Jun 15, 2009 6:12 am There is a lot of underhanded punching and hitting in your post and justification. I've offered you the opportunity to tell your story. No more excuses - tell us the truth or stop telling us tales and making snide comments.

Sorry, it seems that we crossposted.

And I think that you have to admit that this time my "snide comment" as you like to call it wasn't hidden, it wasn't sneaky.

That was the truth about how I was feeling. And I wanted to say that in to your face. I can promise you that I had a hell of a time as you kicked out that posting. I sure don't like to hurt people. And I told you I love you, no matter what you do to me. But did you really need to hurt me like that????

still love you, don't worry

loveUall

Jean

Jean Op den Kamp (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 15, 2009 7:59 am Sorry, it seems that we crossposted.

And I think that you have to admit that this time my "snide comment" as you like to call it wasn't hidden, it wasn't sneaky.

That was the truth about how I was feeling. And I wanted to say that in to your face. I can promise you that I had a hell of a time as you kicked out that posting. I sure don't like to hurt people. And I told you I love you, no matter what you do to me. But did you really need to hurt me like that????

still love you, don't worry

loveUall

Jean

No, we did not cross post - they are an hour apart. You've succeeded in glad handing yourself in your post, and have also succeeded in telling us nothing.

kristoff wrote: Mon Jun 15, 2009 8:09 am No, we did not cross post - they are an hour apart. You've succeeded in glad handing yourself in your post, and have also succeeded in telling us nothing.

What the hell do you think how long it toke me to write and send that posting. And I realy don't understand how you dare to call this telling nothing.

I am very sure we have a different way of feeling. But this little fellow is my life and everything, and the way I need to live to offer him a future.....

Yeah better forget it, you are never going to understand

loveUall

Jean

Is this lead apron really necessary ?:

Did you read this:

Jean Op den Kamp (imported) wrote: Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:09 pm I guess today I will find time to tell a first part, but I like to start with the present, as this is most important to me.

Yeah, for me the fact that this small boy starts to grab his chances, that he is starting this way of a study, I liked to tell that. For me it was necessary

But what about your posting my friend, I guess I am going to need to say some prayers for your soul don't you think so.

loveUall

Jean

Jean Op den Kamp (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 15, 2009 8:28 am I am very sure we have a different way of feeling. But this little fellow is my life and everything, and the way I need to live to offer him a future.....

I can tell he means a great deal to you.

Others... keep in mind that something that seems trivial to you can be hugely important to someone else.

TeraNata (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 15, 2009 9:44 am I can tell he means a great deal to you.

Others... keep in mind that something that seems trivial to you can be hugely important to someone else.

Thanks,

I must be a lucky devil to have a secret power supply, so I can take a lot.

Even if they don't understand, I do love them

loveUall

Jean

ps I guess what they really need (and want) to see is that I am a child molester. So maybe I can make them "happy" They will get that bow from me even twice, a small and a big one. It will sure be the wrong choice again, but I will start with the small one. Maybe I find time tomorrow, as this is also the shortest story

Kristoff and all,

I run out of time today, and reviewing the postings, I think it is not fair to post just a small mistake. After posting #22, I guess we need the opposite.

I should show what "piece of shit" really means, so our members can copy that in to their dictionary. You'll get it, don't worry

loveUall

Jean