Yecchhh. Enough. I don't like much of this hear grammar stuff. I done had enough. How about spellin in stead.?

Paolo wrote: Sat May 24, 2008 5:21 am Peeves of mine. Save this page, and feel free to contribute:

Its & It's - first one, possessive of the pronoun 'it'. Next, contraction for "it is".

"He grabbed its tail." - possessive.

"It's a nice day out." - contraction for "it is".

Hi All,

Let me say how much I’m enjoying this thread. I am unable to resist joining in.

I had all those 'its - it’s' things drummed into me in my schooldays. I would say that I know them perfectly well but I am all too aware that I still get them wrong.

When engaged in the actual act of creative writing and things are going well it’s as if the words are queuing up in the mind and the bottleneck is the finger work involved in getting them into the computer. That’s when those ‘common writing mistakes’ happen. It seems to me that there is some conflict between assembling the words (the creative part) and the mechanical part of getting the grammar right.

The way round it is to get the story down, leave it for a couple of weeks or so, and then proof read it. I often cringe in embarrassment at the mistakes I pick up, and even then I still miss some.

On style, I’d say it comes with practice. One tip is to go through your work and eliminate unnecessary words. Usually you can delete every ‘very,’ ‘rather’ and ‘quite’ straight away. A critical re-read will always let you find other unnecessary words too. The effect of this is to make the story ‘sharper’ like a photograph which has been properly focussed.

Always remember to eschew obfuscation - keep it simple instead. Is the story easy to read or does the reader have to skip back to get your meaning?

Finally my own contribution to common errors: if something is okay it is ‘all right,’ not ‘alright.’ Remember ‘all right,’ like damnyankees, are two words.

Regards

Kortpeel

That's what it's here for, Kortpeel.

Thanks.

As we consider bad writing on the Archive, we must remember that sometimes there is a place for truly awful writing. When I was in high school, my “favorite” poet (designed to infuriate all English teachers) was William McGonagall.

McGonagall is frequently considered to be the single worst poet the English language has ever produced. One of his poems that I found excuses to recite in class on more than one occasion is

The Battle of Bannockburn

Then King Edward ordered his horsemen to charge,

Thirty thousand in number, it was very large;

They thought to o'erwhelm them ere they could rise from their knees,

But they met a different destiny, which did them displease;

For the horsemen fell into the spik'd pits in the way,

And, with broken ranks and confusion, they all fled away,

But few of them escap'd death from the spik'd pits,

For the Scots with their swords hack'd them to bits.

'Sir' William Topaz McGonagall (1825–1902) once walked 60 miles through the pouring rain to ask Queen Victoria to name him Poet Laureate of Great Britain. She refused. McGonagall's "knighthood" was an honorary one conferred on him by King Thibaw Min of Burma as "Knight of the White Elephant of Burmah".

The 1974 movie The Great McGonagall starred Spike Milligan in the role of William McGonagall and Peter Sellers in the role of Queen Victoria. McGonagall’s poem The Famous Tay Whale was set to music by Matyas Seiber for the second Hoffnung Music Festival in 1958. The arrangement called for a narrator, a full orchestra, a foghorn, and an espresso machine. J.K. Rowling chose the name Prof. Minerva McGonagall in honor of William McGonagall.

Probably the single worst of his poems (and a rather long one) is The Tay Bridge Disaster (http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Tay_Bridge_Disaster) (1880).

Despite being one of the worst poets of all of recorded history, his works have never been out of print!

Another thing that bothers me is when people use "then" instead of "than" or "than" instead of "then".

"Than" usually indicates a comparasion and "then" usually indicates a sequence in time.

I went to the library and then to the store because the store closes later than the library does.

Kortpeel (imported) wrote: Mon May 26, 2008 5:19 am The way round it is to get the story down, leave it for a couple of weeks or so, and then proof read it. ...

Horace, in his Art of Poetry [lines 388-89] recommended leaving the work aside for nine years. Few of us, alas, enjoy the support of a patron as wealthy as Maecenas.

None of us is perfect, and I recommend to all authors that they find some else to proof-read their stories. I’m available; and I charge no fee. (The term proof-read, by the way should be either hyphenated or all one word.)

I reckon that to check spelling, syntax, grammar, and the like, is basic politeness to the reader. I realise that many writers have such outstanding thoughts that others should try to decipher at their own leisure what the eximious writer hastily committed to screen or paper; but such incivility is to be deplored by anyone who believes in treating others with courtesy.

“My ideas flow so rapidly that I have not time to express them—by which means my letters sometimes convey no ideas at all to my correspondents.''

“Your humility, Mr. Bingley,” said Elizabeth, “must disarm reproof.”

“Nothing is more deceitful,'”said Darcy, “than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast.”

“And which of the two do you call my little recent piece of modesty?'”

“The indirect boast;—for you are really proud of your defects in writing, because you consider them as proceeding from a rapidity of thought and carelessness of execution, which if not estimable, you think at least highly interesting. The power of doing any thing with quickness is always much prized by the possessor, and often without any attention to the imperfection of the performance. When you told Mrs. Bennet this morning that if you ever resolved on quitting Netherfield you should be gone in five minutes, you meant it to be a sort of panegyric, of compliment to yourself—and yet what is there so very laudable in a precipitance which must leave very necessary business undone, and can be of no real advantage to yourself or any one else?'”

Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, Ch. 10.

if something is okay it is ‘all right,’ not ‘alright.’ Remember ‘all right,’

Kortpeel (imported) wrote: Mon May 26, 2008 5:19 am like damnyankees, are two words.

Similarly, people often write altogether instead of all together. At my sons’ school, all last year, there was a large sign on the wall wherein was printed “altogether now.....”. I explained to the teacher (to no avail) that there is huge difference between altogether (meaning totally or completely) and all together (which means all at once). I also explained (again in vain) that an ellipsis requires only three dots. I wish more authors here would realise that an ellipsis should always consist of only three dots unless more than a sentence has been omitted—in which case no more than four dots are required, being the ellipsis and a period.

Recently, here in Tasmania, large shops were finally allowed to trade all week, and for many months a local supermarket had huge signs declaring: “now open everyday.” I explained to various supermarket staff (to no avail) that this should have been “now open every day.” There is a distinct difference between everyday (an adjective which means mundane or common) and every day (an adverbial phrase meaning daily). I explained that one may as well consider that one could use always and all ways interchangeably and that the signs were nonsensical.

I can stop the clock from blinking on my VCR and DVR.

I am at an intermediate/advanced level of using Photoshop.

I am very fluent in computerese, and love to write.

HOWEVER, The rules of grammar to me is just like straight sex!

I just do not get it!

It also should be mentioned that when people are talking, what they say should be surrounded by quotation marks. See Frederclei's post above.

I just do not get it!

If you (or anyone else here) ever wish to learn grammar, one easy way is to write to me. I can correct poor English and explain what is wrong or ill-written as I go.

The word glamour, by the way, derives from grammar. Grammar has the enchantment of spells, and (like coitus) is magical withal!

Recently, here in Tasmania...

Hi All,

One thing that emerges from all this is that the sun never sets on the English language. It actually makes me proud that in the far flung Antipodes there is someone as enthusiastic about our language as fredericlei.

English is fraught with pitfalls. Its spelling is hopelessly unjustifiable. Sam Johnson and Noah Webster have a lot to answer for. I stand corrected myself with 'proof read,' 'proof-read' and 'proofread.'

I remember one teacher telling me that English is merely a communication tool, 'So learn how to use it properly, boy.' I've often thought about that and he was partly right. English, or any other language, is of no use at all until someone wants to say something or learn something. Then language is essential.

I try to have respect for English and use it properly. It is after all more than a mere tool. True, it is fine for telling a person how to mend a puncture but it is more than that. The words 'We shall fight on the beaches and on the landing grounds... We shall never surrender.'* inspired a nation to fight on against impossible odds and eventually to prevail (with a little help from friends of course). Probably too, the Gettysburg Address is entrenched in the American psyche and can inspire people today. MLK's 'I have a dream' speech changed a nation and killed an ignoble tradition .

So merely by being an English speaker you have at your disposal one of humanity's great communication tools. Use it well and you too can change the world. All you need is something worthwhile to say that will strike a chord in with your readers.

Regards

Kortpeel

* Quoting from imperfect memory, I'm afraid