Good luck! Do you have an ice-pack ready for if the pain afterwards is too much?

Yes folks, this is what us MtF transpeople go through voluntarily.

Wow, I'm shocked at how little it ended up hurting. People say that it feels like a rubber band snapping on your face, but honestly I think even that is really overdoing it. It barely hurt at all. Maybe it's just because I've never had that much facial hair to start with, but to me all that I really felt was a sharp little tingle as the laser went over most of my face. The only part that hurt was the upper lip. OW!!! That area actually feels like you're being zapped by a powerful laser. There were a couple of pulses in that area that made me jump a bit. The rest, though, really wasn't a big deal. The discomfort was extremely mild, and the laser place that I'm going to uses a cooling spray that hits you immediately once the laser has pulsed, so honestly I barely felt a thing. If you need a pain comparison, I'd say that tweezing is at least twice as painful as this.

So, yeah, anyone else thinking of this, don't be scared. It really is no big deal whatsoever. This could just be because I have relatively light skin and not a lot of facial hair, but yeah, the pain was extremely minimal. And while it was going on, I could smell burning hair, and I can see that a lot of the darkness from the hair follicles has indeed been zapped, and my face is MUCH smoother than when I went in, so I'd say that it's off to a good start. My next session is on April 9th, and probably after about 5-6 sessions is when I'll really be able to start noticing significant reduction. I'm now actually looking forward to it. This really was pretty much a complete non-event. These laser technicians really knew what they were doing. There was a slight feeling of heat on my face for about 90 minutes or so after the treatment, but now it's already gone away, and all that's left is some slight redness. Didn't need an ice pack or anything. So, yeah, this was pretty awesome!

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Fri Jan 25, 2013 9:58 pm OFFICIAL HORMONE REPLACEMENT LOG...

MONTH THREE, DAY THREE:

Wow... two months. It has now officially been a full two months and two days since I started on testosterone-blockers back on January 8th of this year. And a mere 7 days from now, it will officially be two full months on estrogen as well.

Wow... it's hard to believe that it's only been two months. It's hard to believe that, for FIFTEEN years before this, I was putting up with an endocrine system that felt wrong in every single way, putting up with testosterone masculinizing me against my will, putting up with emotions that weren't mine, and a body that wasn't mine, and that was my daily reality for so long. It already feels like it was a whole lifetime ago. When I look at the videos that I made on week one of this trial, it's reached a point where I seriously do not even recognize myself. I can't believe that that was me, and I especially can't believe that that was the me that I was seeing and listening to for my entire adult life. I honestly can hardly even remember what it was like to be that person, nor do I want to. And you know what? Two months ago, I never expected that this simple little "trial" that I decided to do with hormones would change my life so much. And yet it has. In every single way imaginable.

Yeah. It's been two months now. Two months of estrogen, two months since I've had testosterone controlling my life, and two months since my female self was finally freed from her mental prison after being trapped there for fourteen years. And after two months of physical changes, I am starting to feel like I really am now getting to the point of no return. The things that are happening to me now, they are starting to feel very much permanent. Everything has been minor up until now... a little nipple growth here, a little "feeling" different up there, some softer skin here, but as a whole it still just felt like changes that were being tacked on to a core body that was very much the same. Well... that is now starting to change. And that is the reason why I decided to do this entry today. Because I've started to be able to feel something absolutely amazing happening.

Right now, for the first time ever, it feels like my ENTIRE body is suddenly starting to change. The very way that it "feels" on a minute-to-minute basis is starting to change. And it's the absolute most amazing feeling that you can possibly imagine. I can literally feel my own body beginning to change genders. And it's not just a few external changes anymore, it feels like

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Sat Jan 19, 2013 11:55 pm it really is starting to change

on a core level, from the inside out, as though every single cell in my entire body is now

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Thu Jan 10, 2013 8:08 am starting to feel the effects of the

estrogen. Now when I put on my work uniform every day, I really do feel like it's a completely different body that is slipping into them. Every single thing that I do is starting to feel different. My skin feels completely different from head to toe. My cheeks feel different. (SO SMOOTH!) My arms and legs feel different. Somehow, the very core of my inner being is starting to feel female. And physically, for the first time ever, I'm starting to feel like a girl. There's just something about the way that I feel that has suddenly completely changed. Everything about me is starting to feel more pleasant and soft, more clean, more calm, more nice, more shapely. And that is just how every part of my body is starting to feel, from head to toe. It really is like I can feel my body's physical gender changing right there under my consciousness.

And you know what? This feeling is SO COOL!!! And I just can't describe in words how happy I'm feeling all of a sudden. As this new feminine feeling is starting to wash all over me, and I'm now for the first time starting to physically feel like a girl, there is just this tingly happiness that comes over me. I really can't find a good way to describe it, other than to say that it feels so "right." In every single way, it just feels like my body is finally becoming the way that it was meant to be in the first place. And it's almost like, as the estrogen is permeating every single cell, those very same cells are saying "Thank you!" It's starting to be that whenever I think about the way that my body feels, it just feels like there's this immense happy bubble that rises up from the pit of my stomach until it just fills my whole body with beautiful clean air, and there's this immense feeling of pleasure all over, a pleasure that says "YES! This is what your body was always meant to be!"

So yeah... I have officially reached the point of no return. Because the deeper I'm getting into this, the more I'm realizing just how transsexual I truly am. The more and more that things feminize, the happier with myself I get. And the physical changes are finally reaching the point where I can look in the mirror when I have my wig on, and I don't even see a guy in a wig anymore. All I see is a girl. And it actually makes me come close to crying sometimes when I have to take that wig back off, because it feels like I'm going back to being a self that's not the real me anymore.

And also, last time I mentioned that I was really starting to feel like a girl in my head as well... well, now that has pretty much also reached a critical point. You know how there are a lot of reports of HRT making trans-girls' emotions go completely haywire? They constantly feel like crying for the stupidest reasons? Well, although my emotional responses to things have been getting stronger for some time now, until this week I had never really experienced that hyper-sensitivity. That is, until now. Again, I don't know what triggered it, but as of this week suddenly I've started having those exact same "crying for no reason" incidents. There's a lot of times at work where I have to REALLY make an effort to stop myself from breaking out crying right in the middle of a poker table for no reason whatsoever. Oh, yeah, and when I watched "The Lion King" a few nights ago, it absolutely DESTROYED me emotionally. I have watched this movie literally a HUNDRED times. I've watched it so many times that I can still recite the ENTIRE script from memory. (I was a very obsessive kid.) And yet, in all of those hundred viewings, this was the very first time that Mufasa's death actually hit me on a deep level. It was BRUTAL! I almost had to turn the movie off because I was crying so hard, (real, genuine sobbing with actual tears coming ou

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Thu Feb 21, 2013 9:19 pm t,) and I just could hardly make

myself watch any more because seeing those scenes of Simba crying and Scar telling him that it was his fault... oh, God, I just could barely watch that. So yeah... that's pretty much where I've been emotionally now. If I was just starting to feel more like a girl in my head last week, now I completely do.

Needless to say, my mind also feels like it has completely changed. It now feels completely female as well. And honestly, I am having a bit of a tough time getting used to it. Because while I got a taste of "female stress" and female emotions a while ago, now they've completely taken over. And I'll admit that I am NOT used to it. As a guy, you are your own best friend when it comes to stress. All you need to do is get away from it all, give yourself some nice "me" time where you can just sit and chill and play some video games in a nice enclosed sanctuary, and the stress just goes away all on its own. And because I am so used to that response to stress, I'm still just naturally trying to use it. But that is not how my mind works any more. Guys may be their own best friends, but girls are their own worst enemies. So every time that I've naturally tried to deal with my stress in a male way like I always did, isolating myself has only made it worse and worse. Multiple times over the last few weeks, I've been stuck in depressive bouts, decided to just chill for a while to try and make it go away, but when I get into my own room, it does not leave me alone. It keeps bothering me and bothering me, and one thing starts making me stressed out about some new thing, and it just spirals completely out of control until all I want to do it lay in bed crying all day. That has happened before. I actually had to call off from work one night because I felt so crappy. And then the most amazing thing happened. I randomly did the exact opposite of what I usually do. Instead of shutting myself inside of my room and trying to ignore the stress, Jenny asked me what was wrong. And so I sat down and had a good talk about it. And suddenly, out of the blue, I started feeling better. And then I went outside, and then I watched some videos of cute kittens, and it was like the stress had never existed in the first place. And again, I have talked about this before, but I'm still having a bit of a hard time getting used to it. I have to remind myself "No. Your mind is female now. Isolating yourself will only make it worse. Get outside. Talk to people. Watch the neighborhood kids playing for a while. Play with the kitties. Do something that makes you feel socially connected, or activates your cuteness receptors. THAT is what makes stress go away now."

And I'm not kidding about this either. I used to be able to deal with stress almost instantly by just chilling. Where now, I've done nothing but chill for three days straight and yet the depressive bout STILL never left me alone. So when I say that my mind feels female, I am 100% serious. I feel like a girl now. My stress response has become stereotypically female, and the very way that I think has become female as well. I'm much better at multi-tasking, feeling like it's much easier to keep track of a bunch of things that are happening at once, and yet at the same time I feel a bit more scatter-brained, less able to focus on one task at a time. (For some reason, I just can't keep track of the pot size in Pot Limit Omaha as well as I used to, and I'm constantly forgetting which table I'm supposed to go to next after break.) Also, I have REALLY suddenly become a social creature. I'm quicker to talk to others, I enjoy talking more, I've actually gotten even more chatty than before, talking longer and longer and longer and knowing when to shut up even less than before. (If you can believe that... so hold on, guys, my entries are likely to get even LONGER and more detailed than they were even before. I know... Lord have mercy on all of your souls. :p) And for some reason, I just seem to have a natural desire to want to talk to people now, and share my experiences, and feel that feeling of kinship and friendship. I just seem to want it more now for some reason, and it feels more natural rather than being a chore like it always was. (I NEVER talked to people a guy. I just immediately slunk over into the corner and tried not to make eye contact with anyone.)

So yeah... pretty much, at about the two-month mark, I'm now starting to feel pretty much completely female, especially in the mind, but now in the body too. And every single day, my "girl mode" is starting to feel more natural, feel like that is the true me, while my "boy mode" is starting to feel more and more wrong. And since I'm definitely starting to pick up some butt fat, definitely have boobs now (They had a SERIOUS growth spurt yesterday, and are really getting sore now,) plus my cheeks have really starting to get smooth and round, and my cheekbones are really starting to become prominent, making me look better and better in my wigs with every single day, my confidence has really started to go up. I'm once again genuinely thinking of pushing my transition time frame up. I have the next two days off, and I've finally decided that I'm going to bite the bullet and dive in head-first, officially buying Dermablend to cover my beard shadow and shopping for some women's shirts, and I'm going to start part-timing. I really do feel like it's time. And I really do feel like it's reached the point where my face is feminine enough that I'd feel comfortable.

My childhood best friend Jennifer (yes, the same Jennifer from my "Me & My Best Friend" story,) as well as some very positive reinforcement from Susan's transgender forums, have been a huge inspiration physically in regards to finally convincing me that I can really do it. Because Jennifer is an ex-basketball player, who played Division-I NCAA basketball for Kent State. As such, she is even taller than me, by a whopping 2 inches. (I'm 6'1", she's 6'3".) And because of all of the weight training and athleticism that she did, she actually has arms that are as big as mine are. (Hell, she actually has wider shoulders.) And when I was looking at some recent pictures of her, I actually have a BETTER figure than her. She really doesn't have any curves, and is very blocky, while I actually have a very defined curve to my waist and hips. And yet, there is NO doubt whatsoever that Jennifer is a girl in her pictures. So if she can do it, so can I. And I need to realize that it's okay, it's no big deal. With the right hair/makeup combo, and the right presentation, I really do believe that I'll be able to go out in public as a girl. And not in some distant fa

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cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Thu Feb 07, 2013 6:54 pm te]
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r-off future where I've feminized more. NOW. I'm getti
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ng serious about this. I feel like a girl completely in my head, and my body's beginning to match, so why not? It's just me being myself, for the first time in my entire adult life. I genuinely am starting to feel like I'm ready. And again, as things are feminizing more and more, my happiness and my confidence are just constantly going up. My new life is waiting!

I'm also getting VERY serious about my diet as of now. I've been cheating a lot for the last 2 weeks, and my weight loss has kind of plateaued as a result. It's only gone down by like 2 pounds since my last update. And I went through a HUGE frustration bout this morning where I was getting really depressed about my weight, so I really feel like it's time to get serious. No more carbs. At all. No more cheese, no more onion rings, no more broccoli cheese soup, no more mayonnaise on my eggs, no more sugary salad dressings, and no more fruit. (Yes, that can cause certain people's weight loss to stall, especially girls. And since I have a female metabolism now, well... it's worth a chance.)

Also, in order to make sure that I'm giving my body the absolute best chance that it has to feminize fully, and build all of the new tissues that it needs to build, and go through all of the changes that it needs to change, I have added some dietary suppliments to my daily routine. These three things are:

1. A multivitamin. (Definitely need it since I'm going on a VERY restrictive diet for the sake of losing weight fast.)

2. Fish Oil (Omega-3's are absolutely essential to brain growth and function, plus help with inflammation [awesome at helping me with my work-related muscle fatigue.] And Lord knows I need both of those with all of the achy muscular changes going on, and how roller-coastery my emotions have been of late.)

3. Biotin [this is the big one.] (A seriously important nutrient that is necessary for all cell growth, the production of fatty acids, and has been shown to aid in the growth of healthy hair, nails, and fatty tissues of all sorts. Someone on Susan's has been taking it, and her results are absolutely AMAZING, so I decided to give it a go myself. Maybe this is why I suddenly started feeling so different physically so quickly? With all of the cellular changes I'm going through, this is DEFINITELY something that is likely helping.)

Anyway, I've gone on long enough now. That's what's been going through my head for the last week and a half. (Man, has it really been that long since my last entry?)

I look forward with eager anticipation to every single feminizing change that is going on, I am embracing my new identity with open arms, and I only hope that the time required before I can officially transition will be a short one. I love every single thing about my new female self. THIS is me! And I love it!

This really is what estrogen does. It really is like clicking a switch over from "male" to "female," and every single part of the body seems to respond to it, and it really does change the gender of your entire body, really making you feel like you're a girl from head to toe, even if you don't quite look like one yet. And again, I LOVE IT!!!

Lots of love,

-Carrie

(Side note: THREE THOUSAND WORDS... officially my longest entry ever, by nearly 700 words. Sheesh... like I said, I really am becoming more talkative. And again, may God have mercy on all of your souls... :p)

I can't believe I read the WHOLE thing! hehehe.Sounds great, Carrie...I look forward to some updated photos...smooches Jackie

Well, thank you SO MUCH for continuing to read, despite how much I rambled in that entry. I really do appreciate it.

Also, just as an add-on, I think that soon I'm finally going to be ready to actually upload some of these videos that I've been talking about. I've been waiting until there was significant enough progress that it would be obvious, and well, I think it's finally time. I'll get them up within the next few days. That way you guys can see just how much my very presentation of myself has changed over the last 2 months.

cheetaking243 (imported) wrote: Fri Jan 25, 2013 9:58 pm OFFICIAL HORMONE REPLACEMENT LOG...

MONTH THREE, DAY SEVEN:

Well, I had a bit of a scare yesterday night and today. I officially switched from Climara patches over to Estrofem 2 days ago, and I was feeling amazing, but then last night at about midnight out of the blue I suddenly developed a splitting headache, and it was accompanied by feelings of disorientation and slight nausea. I was freaking out. (OMG, it's the Estrofem, I'm getting a side effect, OMG, what do I do?) I also figured that it might be due to diet, because I got VERY strict with my low-carb regiment this week, pretty much eating nothing at all except meat because I wanted to lose weight FAST, and I had just eaten a pack of Johnsonville bratwursts earlier in the day, so I figured maybe it was a "preservative" headache, or maybe a caffeine headache from drinking Diet Pepsi that night, or any number of things. Or maybe it was just one of my normal headaches which come around every so often (I had them about every 2 weeks as a guy without fail, but I haven't had one of them in the entire last 2 months since starting HRT.) I figured that I should sleep on it before getting worried... after all, all of these headaches always go away overnight.

I REALLY started freaking out when I woke up, and the headache was STILL there just as strongly as the previous night. And I was like "OMG, high blood pressure, the Estrofem, I'm DOOMED!" And I was freaking out. I narrowed it down to the only two things that I believed could possibly be causing it. It was either the Estrofem, as headaches with disorientation are listed under the warning label as one of the "stop taking Estrofem immediately if any of the following occurs." Or it could be because my body was entering ketogenesis, and was giving me a headache because it was so used to running on carbs that it didn't know how to handle running on nothing but fat and protein.

I IMMEDIATELY decided to test both possibilities as quickly as I could, because this is not something that you want to mess around with. So I immediately went out to the nearest Rite-Aid and took advantage of their blood-pressure machine to make sure that nothing serious was going on. And I was VERY relieved when it registered at 125/83, which is pretty much exactly the same as the last time that I had it checked 2 years ago. (It was 121/80 then.) So that was a big relief, assuring me that nothing severe like a blood clot or destructive pill-induced hypertension was going on. So I did feel safe enough to continue taking my normal dose of Estrofem. And then I decided that it was time to have my weekly "junk day," and I figured that if the headache went away, it would prove that it was because of ketogenesis, and not because of the Estrofem. And thank God, after eating a plate full of sushi and pork dumplings and meat smothered in sugary sauces, and then went back home and took an afternoon nap, the headache was completely gone by the time I woke up.

So, thank God, it ended up not being the Estrofem, and I'm still not in any danger of having to stop HRT due to medical reasons, as my blood pressure is still perfectly fine, I'm not having any negative symptoms, and in fact I have been feeling AMAZING ever since switching from Climara to Estrofem. But still, that was freaking scary. And I think I'm going to have to change my diet around a bit, to include at least some carbs, like lentils or carrots or cottage cheese or something. Because I do NOT want to go through a panicked headache episode like that again.

On the plus side, the ketogenesis was EXCELLENT in the weight department. I've now clocked in at 243 lbs for the last two days in a row, which means that I've now lost 27 lbs since starting the diet in January, and I am also now officially below the lowest weight that I have ever been since graduating high school in 2004, which was 245 lbs. And my body shape has been feminizing more and more. It's still too bulky in most areas, but the shape is getting better and better with every week. So aside from that one headache episode, things are still going great!

Also, I've now come out to my aunt, and she also was extremely supportive, and really "got" the emotions that I was going through, just like my mom did. So that was another big relief, as she was one of the ones that I was worried about. So, yeah, now there's one less person that's going to be surprised when I show up at White Thorn for the Memorial Day "Fun Bowl" event with boobs. So that's always good.

I have been feeling AMAZING for pretty much the entire last 2 weeks straight, as my body has started to feel more and more female. My body hair has now reduced to the point that there's not a single dark hair left anywhere on my hands, almost my entire upper legs, and probably a good 70% of my arms. In fact, I purposefully did not shave my body hair for an entire 2 weeks recently, just to see how much of it would grow back, and even after those 2 weeks of growth I could barely see ANY of it. I had to look really close before I could see the chest hairs, and the stomach hairs. All of those have grown much less dense, and thinner, and have lightened in color. And probably 50% or more of the hair that was on my body has now turned back into those little blond vellous hairs. And even without the shaving, I could feel the softness of my skin though them. So I'm really shocked at how quickly all of the hair is disappearing. I haven't been this hairless since I was like 14, while just two months ago I was in full on covered-in-ugly-adult-male-hair mode. Talk about awesome!

Also, my first laser hair removal was AMAZINGLY effective. It took about a week before I could notice anything, and I was getting a bit worried there after still shaving as if nothing had happened, but then all of a sudden around Monday of this week, the hair just stopped growing. Completely. It took 4 days for it to reach the normal length that it is after 2. And then, suddenly, the hairs just started falling out. I could actually pick them out with my fingers. And when I finally did shave, it was SO smooth! And even 2 days after that shave, it still felt smoother than it usually does even right after shaving it. So the laser hair removal was EXTREMELY effective. There's already a huge difference, and that's after only one treatment. So I'm really starting to believe that it's going to do absolute wonders for me, and that I'll be nearly hair-free by the time summer rolls around. (YAY!!! I've been wishing for that for SO LONG!!!)

As one final note, my official visit with the informed-consent clinic will be next Tuesday, March 19, at 1:30 in the afternoon. So my days of doing this DIY HRT regiment are numbered, and I'll be going official. (I am a bit worried that my cholesterol levels will be a bit off the charts on the blood test, though, because of my extremely high-fat diet, so hopefully that won't impede my ability to get on "official" HRT. I don't know. Whatever. I always seem to worry too much nowadays. It's just one of those "girl things.")

Anyway, I've got to get to work, I'm working 8-4 tonight, so that's it for today.

Till next time!

-Carrie

(ღ˘⌣˘ღ) ♫･*:.｡. .｡.:*･

be careful with ketogenesis. There's 2 ways of doing it.

Low carb or no carb at all.

You have to have carbs. the problem is how to keep this ratio Fats> protein > carbs.

do you have an email cheetaking. I could show you pics of some easy to make foods to prep that are healthy.

Dont cut the bratwurst. You may want to drain that excess saturated fat from it (poke holes through sausage and drain that extra crap from it while boiling the meat. Boil and drain repeat or slow grill it on the BBQ with poked holes through it)

Carbs like quinoia and flaxseed have excellent protein in it and digests slowly. (low GI)

sweet potatoes are like pennies a pop. 50-65 cents and all I do is simply cut and boil them.

The skin is extra nutritional and has xtra fiber.

Just be careful with the proteins and fats. You want lean meats and mono saurated fats like coconut oil, virgin olive oil and flaxseed oil. fish oil too.

Many folk follow the atkins standards.( I call it Fatkins diet)

This way of inducing ketogenesis is very dangerous. Well the creator of such diet had a heart attack so go figure.

Keto diet that is more leafy and healthy fat is the way to go

NB: Plus side im officially fitting in 28x32 pants. My highschool denim .

Im soo happy there. Could use some more tweaking with high intensity stretches. For now it's 100 squats. 50-60 crunches, and rest are normalized bombshell body workouts. the cardio on tredmill remains same.

The maximum ive managed is a 8 on the 12 scale setting on my "norditreck" tredmill .

That is the max overdrive mode i go for running and the most important. between 2-3 min there then i stop. (i wouldnt want to get a heart attack)

Plz drink water + pinch of salt before doing this and also very dangerous to run at this setting

from the start. you have to build your way up to it

I screwed it up, then. I pretty much got sick of the plateau that I was at, being stuck in the upper 240's for like 2 weeks straight. I asked Jenny about how I could drop weight faster, since she's the one who got me on this diet in the first place, and she suggested that it might be the fruit or the cheese that I was eating, because fructose and lactose can both stall weight loss. So I cut both of those out. And as such, I've been eating pretty much nothing but meat for the last week straight, relying on a multivitamin for all of my nutrition. Apparently this didn't work out too well. The weight did come off, but I felt MISERABLE yesterday and this morning, and I'm still not completely over it tonight... my stomach still hurts, and I still feel a bit "ugh" rather than my usual bright peppiness.

So yeah... that was a bad idea. I'm going to add back in some slow-carb-approved carbs into my diet, things like lentils and carrots and tomatoes and leafy greens at least. Blegh... what a terrible 2 days. I'm never making that mistake again.

And if you want to e-mail me, (or anyone else for that matter,) feel free. It's cheetaking@gmail.com

carrots are high GI but low glycemic load when not cooked.

Popcorn is a high GI but its glycemic load is low. lots of websites and nutritional organizations post the LOW GI index and LOW glycemic load in statistical charts for all to see.

How you prepare carbs definetly will alter the index stats aswell

(I stick with the good old crock pot , tends to have the least effect on altering glycemic load levels)

Knw the difference between glycemic load and index. Having low index and load is the best case scenario for carb consumption.

I email you tommorow after my semiconductor tutor session.

Well, i'll see if I can rescue it at least

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10137521/

Heres a sample of what I have for brunch(link above)

Plz report feedback if link is working

More foods will come in time.I ain't a cook per say but I can whip up

some things prety quickly that are in compliance to my dietary code.

My mom however is amazing at cooking. I'm learning from her gradually.

It's a ambiotic relationship (semi evil squinting or snarl.)

We do share one thing in common, we are both health freaks