My Penectomy story from the hospital

[YodaNell (imported)]

YodaNell,

Help me to understand.

Based on your paradigm, and on the fact that God made man in his likeness, and that he gave humans sex organs, when is it a sin, and when is it not a sin for us to use them?

Hi, I hope that I CAN help you understand.

If YOU believe that God man man and that He made man in His likeness then you'll also know (by studying his will in the Bible) that he made sex organs to be used only in marriage. It's not a sin to marry and to have sex inside marriage.

It IS a sin to be sexual immoral (Christian speaking).

eg. 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV) - "Flee from sexual immorality...". The are LOTS more similar teachings in God's Word (the Bible).

This is only true to a Christian (and perhaps some other religion).

Just like desiring to become an eunuch is strange and unacceptable to the general public, so is the teachings that a Christian should be sexually pure strange to those who do not believe it.

Hope this helps. As I said, people differ in opinions, perceptions and deeds.

Peace...

[YodaNell (imported)]

Hey Yoda, sorry for bringing up all the religious aspect into this thread. Since you have often stated your reasons as being religious, I think it is really interesting to see how you navigate all this.

I won't comment any more on the philosophical stufff, but am interested in how you respond to some of the other questions coming up.

Also, again the reporting of your journey is really important so please keep it going.

Hi SD, good to hear from you again.

As stated in my 1st post, this is a personal matter between myself and my God.

I don't expect others to understand and I don't expect people to believe my beliefs.

I'll gladly answers questions for those who are interested but I don't want to fight with the board admins again about religion. They were quite adamant about it.

We all become eunuchs for our own reasons. MY desire is to endeavor to obtain a body, spirit & mind (soul) totally free from sexuality. I want to see if it is at all possible. There are those who posted that it is not possible (for many reasons), but I want to find out for myself.

Just think about it; if it would be possible to overcome sexual lust, one CAN obtain sinlessness in all other areas as well - contrary to accepted theological criticism.

Keep well...

[nullorchis (imported)]

This picture (

http://people.

tribe.net/f9e9a815-3213-4f66-a7a7-eb512b55642b

/photos/47e93055-af6f-473a-89de-dda4b571c

09c) is made of pure win. (Not for the squemish though).

If someone did not know what they were looking at it might be confused for a lamb chop or pork chop.

Sorry that he had to go through the banding. How much better and safer it would have been to just get a surgical procedure (and the photos would be not so grisly). I was never that desperate. Not religious or that philosophical either. Glad I chose alcohol injections to destroy my leydig cells. Not as good as surgical, but turned out find.

[YodaNell (imported)]

...

Sorry that he had to go through the banding. How much better and safer it would have been to just get a surgical procedure (and the photos would be not so grisly)..... Not as good as surgical, but turned out find.

Hi, those pieces in those photos WAS the result of professional surgical procedure. It was removed from me by an Urologist.

[Hash (imported)]

Hi Yoda,

You asked some questions and now I've got some time to answer them. When I removed my left testicle back in 1997 (with a little help) I think I regretted it for several reasons, one, it didn't reduce my sex drive, well initially it did, but then my remaining testicle just produced more. Second, I don't think I was ready for the trauma I had to endure. However, my castration desire returned in full force and several times I attempted to do it myself. In 2002 the right testicle began to slowly fail as a result of abuse, even still I couldn't stop trying to cut it off. I almost succeeded in 2004, but after cutting into it I started bleeding really bad, had to go to the ER, the testicle never was the same after that, I messed it pretty good. Dr. Kimmel finally removed it in the spring of 2006, he said it was good I had it removed because it didn't look good to him, it looked very unhealthy.

As for my orgasms, they're a lot less powerful as a result of castration and really low testosterone, I'm on a low dose regimen of testosterone. My "t" levels are usually around 120-130 ml's and I can't get the levels higher any more, seems my body just turns the extra "t" into estrogen and drops my testosterone levels overall. So because of that, I don't orgasm very often because I just don't have the desire. It takes a lot to get aroused and I often just give up. That's what castration does. I'm not very interested in sex at all anymore. Maybe it's my age, I'll be 54 next month, but I think castration is the real reason. As for removing my penis, that's really the only thing that's left for me. I'm sure I'll remove it or have it removed one day, but unlike my castration desire which was so overwhelming I couldn't stop thinking about it, my penectomy desire is weak most days. Once in a while I'll have a day when I seem especially motivated to have it removed, but not very often. If you don't have the desire or motivation, then you hesitate to act. That's where I'm at.

[YodaNell (imported)]

Hi Yoda,

You asked some questions and now I've got some time to answer them. When I removed my left testicle back in 1997 (with a little help) I think I regretted it for several reasons, one, it didn't reduce my sex drive, well initially it did, but then my remaining testicle just produced more. Second, I don't think I was ready for the trauma I had to endure. However, my castration desire returned in full force and several times I attempted to do it myself. In 2002 the right testicle began to slowly fail as a result of abuse, even still I couldn't stop trying to cut it off. I almost succeeded in 2004, but after cutting into it I started bleeding really bad, had to go to the ER, the testicle never was the same after that, I messed it pretty good. Dr. Kimmel finally removed it in the spring of 2006, he said it was good I had it removed because it didn't look good to him, it looked very unhealthy.

As for my orgasms, they're a lot less powerful as a result of castration and really low testosterone, I'm on a low dose regimen of testosterone. My "t" levels are usually around 120-130 ml's and I can't get the levels higher any more, seems my body just turns the extra "t" into estrogen and drops my testosterone levels overall. So because of that, I don't orgasm very often because I just don't have the desire. It takes a lot to get aroused and I often just give up. That's what castration does. I'm not very interested in sex at all anymore. Maybe it's my age, I'll be 54 next month, but I think castration is the real reason. As for removing my penis, that's really the only thing that's left for me. I'm sure I'll remove it or have it removed one day, but unlike my castration desire which was so overwhelming I couldn't stop thinking about it, my penectomy desire is weak most days. Once in a while I'll have a day when I seem especially motivated to have it removed, but not very often. If you don't have the desire or motivation, then you hesitate to act. That's where I'm at.

Hi Hash, thanks for your answer. It means a lot to me. You said that with the low "t" levels you don't desire sex anymore. It proves that I still CAN reach my goal.

How much 't' do you use? Is it injected? Do you get hot flushes or other symptoms from the low 't' levels?

Later...

[SplitDik (imported)]

Hi, those pieces in those photos WAS the result of professional surgical procedure. It was removed from me by an Urologist.

I think he meant you had to go through banding first, rather than just straight removal by urologist. Of course damaging it is the only way to get a urologist to do it, so I guess he's just bemoaning the fact that a person can't get voluntary penectomy by a professional.

[YodaNell (imported)]

I think he meant you had to go through banding first, rather than just straight removal by urologist. Of course damaging it is the only way to get a urologist to do it, so I guess he's just bemoaning the fact that a person can't get voluntary penectomy by a professional.

I absolutely agree. Please forgive my misunderstanding.

Blessings...

[Hash (imported)]

Hi Yoda,

I use a compounded testosterone cream, the label says "Qty. 100 Testosterone 100MG/GM.

[Hash (imported)]

Hi Yoda,

I use about a 1/4 teaspoon amount of this cream and that keeps my testosterone level between 120/130. If I use more it doesn't raise it any higher, it actually seems to lower my "t" levels. I think that's because I used this low amount for so long, my body has adjusted to it and additional testosterone is now converted into estrogen. I'm not sure why this has happened, possibly the aromatase enzyme, my regular doctor thinks it's a contributor to my problem: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aromatase - Maybe if I used an aromatase inhibitor it would help raise my testosterone levels or maybe if I switched to an injectable testosterone I could get back to normal male levels, but for what purpose? I don't want to increase my sex drive and have all the compulsive sexual desires driving me to do things that messed me up for so long.

Just this morning, I'm watching the news and what's the big story of the day? Dominique Strauss-Kahn, 62, was arrested on charges of a criminal sex act, attempted rape and unlawful imprisonment. If it's true that he raped her, and possibly it's not, though I tend to side with the women because I know how men are being a man, but if it's true it just proves my point. The sex drive can destroy you, your relationship with others, and your relationship with God. It's just so hard to control. Now sure, most men are not rapists, but most men struggle with their sexual compulsions. Most men fantasize about sex, most men have affairs or long to have an affair and a majority of men (way more than women) spend hours looking at internet porn. The sex drive controls us, that's why castration is so beneficial, at least it's been for me.