Hey Everyone!

What an absolutely wonderful day! I feel I can sum up today's experience in 3 words...fabulous and fantastic!

The day went off without a hitch. Our accountant was very complimentary today. She loved my shoes, simple black pumps with a 2" heel, and she thought that I had "very nice legs." She's so cute and understanding!

Went to work tasteful dressed...gray colored skirt that comes about mid knee, a white colored v-neck sweater and hosiery.

Went to lunch with her to a local sit down restaurant. Walked in and the host looked at us and asked "May I seat you ladies?" I responded with a "yes" in my best female voice and were immediately seated at a very nice window booth. Didn't even get "clocked" too many times. The "clocking" thing I'm used to. If they're that ignorant to stare...let them. I hope I can at least provide some entertainment value in their lives!

What a liberating experience today was!

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Sat Sep 16, 2006 2:26 pm I can't even begin to put into words the feeling

of truly being one with one's self.

Working in a small office we have 2 unisex restrooms. Every time I used the restroom today and washed my hands I couldn't help but look at my reflection in the mirror. For so many years I longed to see the "real me" in that mirror and today I saw her for the very first time, in that very mirror, in the office at work. WOW! Don't ever say that dreams don't come true for today it happened to me.

I felt it was a very fitting way to celebrate my first anniversary of starting FHRT.

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Fri Dec 29, 2006 9:22 pm Hey Everyone!

What an absolutely wonderful day! I feel I can sum up today's experience in 3 words...fabulous and fantastic!

The day went off without a hitch. Our accountant was very complimentary today. She loved my shoes, simple black pumps with a 2" heel, and she thought that I had "very nice legs." She's so cute and understanding!

Went to work tasteful dressed...gray colored skirt that comes about mid knee, a white colored v-neck sweater and hosiery.

Went to lunch with her to a local sit down restaurant. Walked in and the host looked at us and asked "May I seat you ladies?" I responded with a "yes" in my best female voice and were immediately seated at a very nice window booth. Didn't even get "clocked" too many times. The "clocking" thing I'm used to. If they're that ignorant to stare...let them. I hope I can at least provide some entertainment value in their lives!

What a liberating experience today was!

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Sat Sep 16, 2006 2:26 pm I

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Fri Dec 29, 2006 9:22 pm can't even begin to put into words the feeling

of truly being one with one's self.

Working in a small office we have 2 unisex restrooms. Every time I used the restroom today and washed my hands I couldn't help but look at my reflection in the mirror. For so many years I longed to see the "real me" in that mirror and today I saw her for the very first time, in that very mirror, in the office at work. WOW! Don't ever say that dreams don't come true for today it happened to me.

I felt it was a very fitting

way to celebrate my first anniversary of starting FHRT.

Ain't much to say, 'cept AMEN Sister! You go, G-u-u-u-rl!

WoW!!! I am so happy and proud of you Erica. Gosh, I can only imagine the feeling you are going through. I know when Christina and I go out to eat or shopping, I think she gets a few stares,but I think some of that might have to do with her height. I only see her as a woman and I think she passes very well. But yanno, if anyone ever said anything nasty to her, I might only be 4'10 but as she says to me when we play yahoo pool, "you have a mouth like a sailor" which I agree at times. *giggles* I wouldn't hesitate to take up for her in a heartbeat. Keep up your dreams Erica and be happy in your life.

big hugss, Lilac

Hi Everyone,

Well day two was as much of a success as the first day. Went to work dressed "very professional" yesterday wearing a black two piece suit with a white blouse and black pumps.

Went to lunch with Joann, the accountant, and the spouse and had a great time. Made a run to the local Staples office supply store in the morning. I had a gentlemen open the door for me and got "Mame'd" three time in a 30 minute time period. I left the store with the biggest smile on my face!

I even stopped at the gas station on the way home to fill the car and went inside to pay instead of paying at the pump.

My spouse has always told me that I have enough confidence for 4 people. That confidence level has now grown to a level of about 8 people.

Three more days to go in this "little experiment" and the feeling is beyond words.

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Sun Dec 31, 2006 8:28 am Hi Everyone,

Well day two was as much of a success as the first day. Went to work dressed "very professional" yesterday wearing a black two piece suit with a white blouse and black pumps.

........

My spouse has always told me that I have enough confidence for 4 people. That confidence level has now grown to a level of about 8 people.

Three more days to go in this "little experiment" and the feeling is beyond words.

Congratulations Erica!

Sounds like you are doing great. How did the people at work react toward you and what will happen when you go back as that other person? You are very fortunate to have such an accepting spouse.

Mac (imported) wrote: Sun Dec 31, 2006 10:06 am Congratulations Erica!

Sounds like you are doing great. How did the people at work react toward you and what will happen when you go back as that other person? You are very fortunate to have such an accepting spouse.

Dear Mac,

Since there were only two of us in the office this week, the other being the company accountant who already knows about me, I was accepted very well.

I did inform her of my intentions on Wednesday afternoon, just to be certain that she didn't have any problems with it. It never has nor will it ever be my intension to embarrass or to make anyone ill at ease with my presence around them.

She was very receptive of me. She complimented me on my shoes, which she just loved, and she thought that I had great legs. She's very kind.

What will happen when I return to the office on Tuesday in "male mode"? Probably nothing, being that we are the only two that witnessed "my little experiment" in RLE. She's known about me for 6 months or so now and so far she has kept my true identity to herself. She did say to me on Friday "I don't know why you bother to keep dressing as a guy when you look so good and so happy as yourself."

It'll be hard for me to go back to work in "male mode", but I knew going into this small try at full transition, that it was going to be a limited experiment or experience. I guess it was more to see if I could be successful at transition, which in itself is a bold and difficult task to accomplish.

My spouse did admit to me that it was very hard for her to see me walk out the door on Thursday and Friday morning as "me". She told me that it was basically out of concern for me, but down deep inside of me, I can't help but feel it was out of concern for herself. I can't help but get the feeling that she truly wanted me to fail at my attempt.

I think that she feels comfortable with my current level of transition, that being full time on the weekends, but she is afraid that if I was successful at this try, that it would provide the motivation to go full time.

I have learned some unexpected lessons from this experiment or should I say confirmations. I had a long talk with my oldest son over dinner last night. Just him and I and while I thought that he had some small amount of acceptance for me, I found out quite differently. Once again, about the only thing he can offer is conditional love. "Dad I love you just not when you dress this way."

I'm really beginning to wonder if all of the pain and hurt that I have brought to so many others over this GID issue is worth it. I'm I being selfish in my pursuit to be myself? Is it really worth the alienation and the rejection that I have brought to my family and to others?

My youngest son keeps telling me that this is my cross to bear in life and to just suck it up and be "the man" that the Lord made me.

I currently have a call into my therapist to make an appointment with her to discuss this whole issue with her. I'm really feeling the need to talk to someone over this, especially in light of how hard this past Christmas was.

Erica Ann,

Congrats on the success of your RLT. I know it must feel wonderful for you to be the person you've always wanted to be finally.

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Mon Jan 01, 2007 10:48 am I'm really beginning to wonder if all of the pain and hurt that I have brought to so many others over this GID issue is worth it. I

t's a tough decision for anyone to commit to, especially with family involved. On the one hand I'm sure you are thinking that you don't want to hurt anyone, but on the other you'd be denying something that has plagued you and will keep you from being truely happy.

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Mon Jan 01, 2007 10:48 am I'm I being selfish in my pursuit to be myself?

I think not. You are doing this because of the need to do it, not out of any selfishness or any need to draw attention to yourself.

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Mon Jan 01, 2007 10:48 am Is it really worth the alienation and the rejection that I have brought to my family and to others?

This is a question we have all ask ourselves. Ultimately you are the only one who can answer it.

Having a good therapist with an unbias opinion can do much in guiding you to the answers you seek. Above all keep everyone that matters most to you in your life in the loop.

Hi Everyone,

Well the great experiment in RLE has come to an end. It's now Tuesday and I'm back in the office in "male mode". Upon reflecting on the events of the past 5 days, I would have to consider this try as a great success. I've learned a great deal, both good and bad, from this experience.

I have come to find that I can pass as female, most of the time. I just have to keep my baritone voice in check.

I have found that there is not as much acceptance for me and this GID situation as I had thought, at least within my own family.

There is no greater feeling in the world than being yourself, for the first time in my life.

With that being said, I'm looking forward to my next attempt, whenever the opportunity may present itself again.

I also heard back from my therapist this morning and have an appointment with her tomorrow night to discuss the feelings I mentioned in my earlier post.

Hi Everyone,

I went to see my therapist the other night and got a few things straightened out in my head and my heart. She was kind enough to explain the difference between self interest and selfishness.

Self interest is proceeding on one's desires while trying to keep other's feelings in mind and I feel that's what I'm trying to do. I just want to be me without hurting anyone in the process. The problem being...that's not an easy thing to accomplish.

The spouse and I have been having a bit of rough time as of late, especially over our youngest son, whom she feels the need to protect from me. But come on...how much protection does a 21 year old male need? He is a man now. Her feelings over this matter are starting to take their toll on our marriage and something has to change. She's going to have to come down on one side or the other. She just keeps "riding the fence" so to speak.

My son's girl friend is coming into town to see him tonight and while she knows about me, there are people in my household that feel the need to protect her from me...from an appearance standpoint.

I'm feeling a bit put off by the whole matter considering I've pretty much fully transitioned on the weekends.

It's hard. I have to be in "male mode" all week and I live for the weekends, if you know what I mean? So I may have to disappear for the day tomorrow if I want to be myself.

But after a long talk last night, I believe I may have made a break though with my youngest son. I think he is finally beginning to realize that his incessant beating of me with his Bible and his religious views is backfiring on him. I think he is beginning to see that GID is a real thing and not something that I've come up with in my own mind. In other words...maybe Dad's not crazy after all.

I've never asked for his acceptance, approval or encouragement...just a little bit of understanding. I don't think I'm asking for too much considering I still support him.

You and your spouse both have my sympathy and understanding with regards to your youngest son. The youngest seems to be the one that a person wants to protect, even when the youngest seldom needs protection. The youngest is also the one that we need to be closest to. The conflict in your life must be difficult for all three of you. With a little luck a commonality of affection will help to get you past this rough spot. My best wishes to you all. --FLO--