Hello It has been much too long since we last chatted. I am definitely glad to hear you have a job now, even if it is not permanent. Any sort of employment in this economy is a good thing!

I certainly would not feel comfortable telling you whether you should have GRS, but I can say that it seems like a logical decision if you have lived as a woman for a long period and anticipate doing so for the rest of your life.

I think things are definitely improving for you, especially given that you are working now, and that was a major obstacle for you for quite some time. You have definitely come so far since I first met you, so that is something to be very happy about

plix (imported) wrote: Sun Aug 08, 2010 6:10 pm Hello It has been much too long since we last chatted. I am definitely glad to hear you have a job now, even if it is not permanent. Any sort of employment in this economy is a good thing!

I certainly would not feel comfortable telling you whether you should have GRS, but I can say that it seems like a logical decision if you have lived as a woman for a long period and anticipate doing so for the rest of your life.

I think things are definitely improving for you, especially given that you are working now, and that was a major obstacle for you for quite some time. You have definitely come so far since I first met you, so that is something to be very happy about

Hello young man ,

Danya (imported) wrote: Tue Jun 09, 2009 8:57 pm It's good to hear from you and

I am glad to read that your are doing well, too.

My life is definitely improving and I am very thankful for that.

After my 'surprise' appearance at the Midwest MoM yesterday and this morning, I think several other people here would agree with you. I have come a long way since you and I first met, and since I first met them.

Best wishes,

Danya

During my relatively short visit at the Midwest MoM, I mentioned that I am seriously considering ending this thread. I have felt this way before, but always returned to writing here.

My current concerns are that:

1. I am not writing anything truly new, so

2. I've basically told my story or perhaps as much of it as I care to share.

The most important factors are:

3. My new job is draining. I'm worn out at the end of the day yet I frequently stay up too late writing here.

4. I want to spend less time thinking, and writing, about my life and more time living it.

Several members assured me that what I write is valuble and that it will help others in similar situations. They told me my story is not finished because I haven't had GRS. By extension, perhaps, I haven't met someone to love. I thought about this, a lot, on the drive home today and I'm not so sure anything else I add will be useful.

These friends also made an observation I whole heartedly agree with. The Archive is an extremely supportive environment for all kinds of people. It has been for me.

There are, unlike for my eunuch friends, a number of excellent books and web sites available to transsexual people. There are others here who have written about their experiences transitioning genders.

I'm not making any decision on this tonight. I'm too tired from driving. I'm also not looking for reassurances that what I write is helpful.

On the drive home, I spent a fair amount of time thinking about possible topics for future posts. Some of these I would never actually commit to paper, or computer server. They are too personal. Part of what I am weighing now is that, to continue this thread in a useful way, I may need to more open than I have ever been here. When I started writing on the Archive, I was told I was revealing too many personal details by more than one individual. I have been fine revealing so much. I'm not sure, though, that I want to go futher.

Some tongue in cheek examples of future topics:

1. The sudden change in driver behavior on leaving Wisconsin and entering Illinois - The Land of Suggested Speed Limits. A sociological study of the relationship between unmonitored driving behavior and the release of aggression. Implications for the long-term stability

Danya (imported) wrote: Wed Jul 21, 2010 8:02 pm of the Chicago metropolitan area.

2. My fascination with very large cities explained, including references to the only popular song I remember from my childhood and another from my long ago summer stint

Danya (imported) wrote: Wed Apr 14, 2010 6:24 pm at Argonne National Laboratory in

suburban Chicago. Both relate to 'downtowns.'

3. The overexamined life is a life not fully lived, with apologies to Socrates.

4. Atonal music and its influence on the development of transsexual identities.

5. Email - its surprising role in perturbations to the space time continuum

One of the great advantages in leaving Minnesota for the Chicago area is that, here, absolutely no one has any memories of me before I transitioned. In most ways, I am living in 'stealth' mode. This has a downside, in that I have no long standing connections. I have some desire to go into stealth mode on the Archive, too.

I have mixed feelings about not continuing to post. If I decide to end this thread I will let you know.

Danya I look forward to hearing how you are progressing. Please continue the thread.

Mac (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 09, 2010 8:57 pm Danya I look forward to hearing how you are progressing. Please continue the thread.

Hi Mac,

I decided earlier today that I will stop writing here, on this thread. If I start writing regularly on the Archive again, at some point down the road, I will start a new thread.

My life has changed a lot over the last year. The ways I view myself, my capabilities, my adaptabilities and my life goals have changed a lot. What initially seemed like a major life disaster - losing my job over a year ago - turned out to be a very good thing. While I successfully worked

Danya (imported) wrote: Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:47 pm through some very difficult situations before

I transitioned, I understand now that transitioning genders and being my true self made my time of unemployment easier. It was even fun, at times.

My short visit with friends at this year's Midwest MOM clarified just how much I have changed this last year. Changed for the better. I also got some interesting insights from the non-verbal cues of friends. I won't discuss those here.

I'm still adjusting to life in a new area of the country, having moved to Chicago barely five months ago. But I already feel totally at home here, at least as far as feeling I am a part of this place. This gives me confidence that, should I need or want to move again, I will be able to relatively easily.

Still, I'd prefer not to move to another area of the country, at least for a year or two. So I want to invest time to make local friends. I also need to devote to a lot of time to one very important thing I gave up when I left Minnesota. That is, being an active, professional (meaning paid) musician. I have always considered music to be part of the essence of who I am. When I am playing well, it is as if I exist in a 'higher' space mentally and emotionally. At these times, I am likely more completely myself than at any other time. I am more fully sharing who I am with others, too.

I have developed a greater sense of independence and self-reliance since those first very difficult months of unemployment. I have written here that I never needed a trans support group, but in an important way the Archive and its members provided similar support. I no longer feel the need for it, although I am very grateful for the many people who have helped me along the way.

Over the last six months or so, I have also more fully realized and accepted that I am, essentially, alone in this world. My immediate family does not speak with me and I have no spouse or children. I have needed to be a very independent person and today I am an even more independent woman.

When I was going through chemotherapy in upstate New York, a woman friend told me she had never met anyone who needed other people as little as me. She saw that I was going through debilitating chemo alone and still managing to enjoy life.

I did not entirely agree with her then and I still do not see myself that way. I very definitely need people and friends in my life. But gradually over the last half-year, at least, I have reached the point of having very few, if any, expectations of friends or anyone else. At the same time, I feel my capacity to be a very good friend has expanded. Just as my ability to love someone in a very intimate way has blossomed.

One of my issues with continuing this thread is clear in what I have already written tonight and that it has taken me over an hour to get this far. I'm taking a lot of time to write about how strong I am (not always, though, by a long shot) or the way I got through difficult life events. This is not the way I want to write about my life, if I ever come back to this. I would rather write i

Danya (imported) wrote: Sat May 15, 2010 4:46 pm n a way that lets others decide

on their own who I am and what is important to me.

So I will not post anything else on this thread. In a way, it no longer fits this person who is now far different from the one who wrote her first few timid posts on this site a few years ago. Sometime, I may start a new thread here. I suspect I will not. What I will try to do is post periodic updates in other areas of this board.

I am very thankful to those who keep the Archive going and to everyone who has been kind to me here, often reaching out in unexpected ways. This is a very supportive place and I will always be grateful for that.

Mac, I wish you the very best in life. I have always appreciated your interest and good wishes.

My best wishes to everyone here. OK, I'll admit that I am teary-eyed right now.

The End, at least of this part of my story

I have been meaning to write an appreciation, but the press of work has postponed it. My apologies. Over the last few years I have derived a great deal of pleasure from your posts on this thread. In a private message you once accused me of being knowledgeable about trans issues, which is probably true. I have a Google alert for "transsexual" and subscribe to several TS newsgroups, plus listening to hundreds of trans people in groups. I have spent too much time reading trans blogs. The vast majority of them have become political soapboxes for whiny trans people. As a group we have become the most whiny special interest group since the Feminist Political Lesbians of the early eighties, lecturing each other on which of us is more truly transsexual and protesting any depiction of a TS that doesn't meet our particular definition, and arguing about the origins and proper definitions of ourselves.

Your thread, by contrast, is like a breath of fresh air. I am constantly impressed by your simple humanity. Yes, you are trans, but you are human first. You have faced hard times, and instead of whining and complaining about how society abuses trans people, you simply dealt with the situation, kept plugging and eventually come out the other side. I am sure I am not the only one here who counts you a friend based on this thread. I know that life is to be lived and not analyzed and I respect your decision to stop the thread,(which must have been a huge amount of work to write), but I do hope you will at least post occasionally so we know you are doing all right.

Again thanks. I know it was a lot of work, I hope you know it was appreciated.

Transward

Hi Danya!

Sad news that you end the thread, but you have to do what you feel is best.

I have really enjoyed reading about your progress, and hope that you will get the lust back after your next major step.

I guess you don´t feel like answering questions here anymore but I put it here nevertheless:

I understood that your electro to get rid of facehair is in great progress and as one of the main things I hate as being a man is the daily need to shave I would be glad if you told me some way how it feels not to have to do it any longer.

Greetings

John

Almost four years ago, I wrote that I would start a new thread if I decided to write here again. I think that I started two more recent threads. Anyway, I feel some need to write again and this thread feels like the most appropriate place. The ongoing changes in my life are, at least in part, related to transitioning.

For now, a few points:

1. I remain close friends with 'X', my one-time Chicago boyfriend from a fine blue-collar background (and job history) who is now finishing his second year of pharmacy school.

2. Since November, I have been living with my wonderful boyfriend/partner 'D' in the Twin Cities.

3. I continue working at a good job I have held for over 1 1/2 years.

4. I still miss Chicago, although I try very hard not to I've been back in MN many, many months. I've been back to Chicago several times for short visits.

5. There's an ongoing pain issue I noted more than once in one of the later threads. It's a result of GRS (but I in no way regret the surgery and I'm generally pleased with the results). After investigating multiple treatment options, and the latest neuroscience research, I am hopeful I will be able to substantially reduce the pain and, perhaps, eliminate it altogether.

6. The Minnesota Orchestra lock-out of roughly 16 months ended a few months ago, thank God! 'D' and I attended several of their concerts self-produced by the musicians during the lock-out that were wonderful.

7. At the suggestion of an office mentor, I am investigating alternate career options that would better utilizing my current skills and education. I'm excited about the possibilities.

8. I'm just getting back into practicing the piano and before too long, I hope, I will have a place to practice the pipe organ, too. I miss performing music!

9. Life is good! It's even better now that spring has arrived after a long, long difficult winter. On another site, a friend posted a photo of an isolated house and its surroundings buried beneath a frozen layer of ice and snow. The caption was something like "You can always count on Minnesota to remind you (those living elsewhere) that things could always be worse). Minnesota is beautiful in spring (when it finally arrives), summer and early fall. Parts of winter can be gorgeous, too. This last winter was brutal.

It is wonderful to hear from you again! I am not so sure that desire to write ever leaves entirely. I have noticed the same thing with my own thread. Sometimes I go for long periods without posting anything, but I currently am in the midst of a time when I feel the need to post relatively frequently.

Having someone special in your life is certainly desirable. I am glad you have found someone who makes you happy.

I imagine that Chicago would be an enthralling place to live. It would probably be hard to leave once you have had a taste of it. Perhaps you will find your way back there someday.

In today's society it is hard to believe that there won't eventually be some way to take care of the pain issue with all these advances in technology.

With all of the career options that are available, I find it nearly impossible to choose just one. I wish you the best in your search.

I am very happy to hear that things are (mostly) going so well for you!

Hi plix!

It is always wonderful to hear from you!

When I met up with 'D', I never expected things to work out. In part, that's because he knew me for years when we both worked for the same company. He knew me when I was not Danya, at least not at the office! We were also work colleagues when I transitioned. It's been nearly a year since we 'met' and I'm very happy we're together.

Ah, Chicago. One reason I love it is that it reminds me of the East Coast, where I grew up. There is so much to do and see. In downtown, you see a terrific mix of ethnicities. Even at the suburban Chicago Botanic Garden, one of my favorite haunts, there was a wide variety of people and languages. Perhaps I (we, with 'D'!) will move there one day. 'D' likes it, too. I would probably prefer moving to northern California, Portland or Seattle. If a get a better job here, I will be glad to stay.

It's some of the advances in technology that have helped establish some of the principles of more recent understandings of pain and how to treat it. Like functional magnetic resonance imaging. I may write more about this at another time because it is fascinating.

Your response means a lot to me!

Earlier this evening, I attended a fabulous concert of the Minnesota Orchestra. 'D' was ill, so I invited Kristoff along. It was great to see him and have some time to chat on the trip to the concert hall. The second half of the program was a 'compilation' of music from Wagner's Ring cycle. I enjoy Wagner, although I have never heard any of his music live. Tonight's performance blew me away, so much so that at several points I felt shivers run through me. During my time in Chicago, I wrote about sitting in my car listening to Wagner. I was waiting for the end of the a Wagner's

Danya (imported) wrote: Fri May 14, 2010 8:08 pm Prelude to Act I of Die Meistersinger von Nurnb

erg. A part of that often leaves me feeling like waves are washing over my naked body (even though I am fully clothed). Tonight's music had the same effect, only more so.

'X' will be visiting over the long Memorial Day weekend and will stay with us.