Danya (imported) wrote: Tue May 20, 2008 5:21 pm Hi Mac,

Things went very well. I woke up well rested and calm. The only anxiety I had was just a momentary twinge on pulling into the office parking garage.

.....................

Danya (imported) wrote: Tue May 20, 2008 5:21 pm Tomorrow, we're having a lunch for GLBT employees and one of the women is baking a cake to celebrate my transition. Really cool! Someone on the group's mailing list also suggested a pot luck in my honor. Not that there's any reason for them to honor me, but it just shows what great people I work with.

Tomorrow evening I'll go out for dinner and drinks with a number of women from work. Life is very good!

-Danya

What a great way to begin that chapter in your life. You are well on your way to experiencing a beautiful life. I am happy for you (and envious).

Dear Danya,

I'm so happy that everything went so well for you yesterday, but don't be surprised by the reaction of a lot of people that treated you just the same as before. Many people don't quite know how to react in these types of situations and besides...that's the way it should be. A professional relationship.

Good luck today. It sounds like everything is going to be just fine.

Knowing both you and your employer, I would have expected nothing less than a fantastic day the first. Day two and onward is where the telling times occur. Again, I suspect things will be fine. In and out of work there will always be good and bad times. that is life. You are on an odyssey of discovery and are making up for past times. Enjoy them. Congratulations!

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Wed May 21, 2008 8:04 am Dear Danya,

I'm so happy that everything went so well for you yesterday, but don't be surprised by the reaction of a lot of people that treated you just the same as before. Many people don't quite know how to react in these types of situations and besides...that's the way it should be. A professional relationship.

Good luck today. It sounds like everything is going to be just fine.

Dear Erica Ann,

Thanks again for your good wishes and support. I'm finding that I can handle anyone's reaction well. I was waiting in line with a gay friend today at Subway when someone behind me said "excuse me sir". I was dressed in a black top and black slacks and certainly from the back, at least, could have been mistaken for a man. This didn't bother me in the slightest. I moved out of the way and as the woman passed in front of me she apologized and said something like 'miss'.

At Caribou Coffee, which is one of my favorite morning haunts, one of the workers recognized the old me behind everything. Her only comment was "I see you're ordering something different today". I didn't mind at all.

OTOH, last week I stopped to say hello to the jeweler I have done business with. He has always recognized me. I was still in male clothing then and he remembered that May 19 was my big day. I stopped to say 'hi' today and it was clear he didn't have a clue who I was until I gave him some hints.

Then there was one of the cleaning people who stops by my desk every day around five to empty the waste basket. I normally greet him and we exchange a few words. Today was his first time seeing me as Danya and he had not been notified of the change. I'm not sure he quite got what was going on at first but we still chatted a bit. As I left the building, he asked me the correct pronunciation of my new name.

All of this shows me that most people are willing to be open-minded when they are confronted by someone they know in a new and unexpected, perhaps even startling, fashion. It helps that I am comfortable in who I am.

Hugs,

Danya

kristoff wrote: Wed May 21, 2008 1:39 pm Knowing both you and your employer, I would have expected nothing less than a fantastic day the first. Day two and onward is where the telling times occur. Again, I suspect things will be fine. In and out of work there will always be good and bad times. that is life. You are on an odyssey of discovery and are making up for past times. Enjoy them. Congratulations!

Hi Kristoff,

Today went very well. Several people came up to me with questions on transgender folks and what I am experiencing. When management announced my transition, it was made clear that I would welcome questions. I was very comfortable talking about my own situation.

Today was also the first ever GLBT lunch. One of my friends made

Danya (imported) wrote: Tue May 20, 2008 5:21 pm a cake to celebrate my transition.

I spoke of the need to have the decades-old employee manual updated to specifically mention transgender rights. I have no problem pursuing this on my own but I said it would be great if the group submitted a joint request to HR. This change probably requires Board approval. I don't anticipate a problem there.

I went out for dinner and drinks with several women from the office and had a wonderful time. I was openly questioned on TG-related topics and was glad to provide information. Most of our time together was spent talking about other interesting stuff!

Right now, I'm emotionally exhausted from the very good happenings of the last two days. On the one hand, I very much want things to get back to a more normal routine and today was more 'normal' than yesterday. For a while already, I've been feeling like I may want to become an advocate or spokesperson for GLBT rights and understanding. I feel even more that way now but I need to let my life return to a more normal routine before I make any decisions about that. Besides, it's not immediately clear to me what path I might want to take to accomplish this goal. Perhaps it's best for now to simply be in the moment and enjoy this time without adding extra activities.

I completely agree with you, there will be good days and bad days. You are right on, too, with your comment that this is an odyssey of discovery and I am making up for past times. This time is just the beginning of an adventure. Every adventure has rough moments.

Your encouragement and input mean a lot to me, Kristoff.

Many thanks for being there.

-Danya

I am very glad to hear that your big day went well. I knew it would

I think people treating you the same as always is not only OK, but is the best way the day could have gone. If people had suddenly treated me differently, I would have been very concerned and likely believed they were uncomfortable with what I was doing. Treating you the same shows that what you are doing does not matter to them - you are the same important person to them regardless

plix (imported) wrote: Wed May 21, 2008 8:19 pm I am very glad to hear that your big day went well. I knew it would

I think people treating you the same as always is not only OK, but is the best way the day could have gone. If people had suddenly treated me differently, I would have been very concerned and likely believed they were uncomfortable with what I was doing. Treating you the same shows that what you are doing does not matter to them - you are the same important person to them regardless

Hi plix!

Thank you for writing and as always, it's good to hear from you. I appreciate your very kind and pertinent observations.

Hugs,

Danya

Today's mail included the 'bathroom' letter from my therapist that included the line "...she should be afforded all the rights of a female and be considered and treated as a female in every respect."

Now I need to rest after two very good days. Even good, happy days can be stressful I'm really glad I don't have any plans for tomorrow night, my first free night this week. Wednesday all I want is to do my job and then come home. I need to exercise and relax. I'm too wound up right now (hence the late hour of this post) from all of the very good things that have been happening.

Work has gotten back to a normal routine after the excitement of Monday and Tuesday. There are still some surprises. A quiet, always very professional man from another country sits near me. He's typically all business and it's not unusual that we wouldn't speak for several days at a time. Today he was very gentle and kind as he told me how he had investigated a lot of the transgender information from a site I had provided and had learned a lot. This URL had been included in the company-wide announcement of my transition. We spoke for a few minutes and he had a some questions. It was very clear to me that he at least partially understands. He was also letting me know in his usual low-key style that he is fine with me. I have always thought highly of this man but really didn't expect he would ever begin to understand what it is like to be transgender. I knew he would continue to treat me with respect. The fact that he made an effort to understand and told me about what he had read left a powerful impression on me.

While today's work routine was back to normal, I continue to feel happy and people keep commenting on it.

I saw my new gender therapist this afternoon for the third time and we had a very good conversation. She told me how good it is to hear such a success story as mine. I know how truly fortunate I am. She also now understands, finally, that I do not need a support group.

After work I went out for drinks with a woman consultant helping us with a software implementation. I have known her since early January and had told her I am transgender back in late February. She commented on how I have blossomed over the time she has known me. We had a fun and relaxing hour together, mostly talking about girl stuff.

Sometime in the last half of June I will hold the delayed celebration, at my home, of my May 19 rebirth. My consultant friend is going to remain here over that weekend so she can attend. Normally, she flies home each Thursday evening and returns here late Sunday. She did make me promise to entertain her the rest of that weekend!

kristoff wrote: Wed May 21, 2008 1:39 pm Knowing both you and your employer, I would have expected nothing less than a fantastic day the first. Day two and onward is where the telling times occur. Again, I suspect things will be fine. In and out of work there will always be good and bad times. that is life. You are on an odyssey of discovery and are making up for past times. Enjoy them. Congratulations!

The entire work week went well and I was glad when things settled back into a normal routine.

My friend Kristoff was correct, though, when he said there will always be good and bad times. I was feeling down much of the weekend (through Sunday afternoon) but I'm feeling better now. The reason I was in a low mood is not directly related to my transition at all.

It was past time that I took a close look at my financial situation and I did that Friday night. What I saw left me feeling really unhappy. I'm starting to feel much better because I've come up with an action plan to get my money situation headed back in the right direction. Another Archive friend, Tugon, has expressed some concern about my finances and I am pleased to let him know that I am taking action. Although technically, by online calculators, my debts are still manageable they don't feel that way to me so I do indeed need to do something.

I realize now that, while I certainly need to take action on my finances, I probably wouldn't have gotten nearly so down about this if the work week hadn't gone so spectacularly. The contrast between being elated at how well everything went at work and then getting a sobering look at finances was really stark. Oh well, such is life. I can and will make the money situation better.

As part of my new fiscal conservatism , I will either not hold a celebration party of my new birthday as Danya or ask some friends who come to bring much of the snacks and other goodies. I've had a number of dinner parties for my friends where I provided everything and they don't have the time to do the same nearly as often. The whole idea is simply for many of my friends and acquaintances who have been so supportive to get together and have some fun.

Kristoff's brief message is so true and when I first read it, I knew he was correct. It was still good to 'hear' and his words served me well this weekend. I am feeling really calm tonight.