I would caution you on continuing to take E for any real length of time before you are sure what you want. You are young for one thing, and that tends to make you more sensitive to E, but the reactions you have had so far suggest that you are at least reasonably sensitive to it.

I took E for about a year, and started out with the same dose of patch that you are on. I was not very sensitive to E, at least when it came to breast development and emotional reactions. Over the entire year I grew nothing close to true breasts. Had I not started E, castration alone would have probably given me nothing.

Even if I had been castrated, the one thing I do wish is that I had never started E. With the conflicting feelings you are having now, I really do not think it is a wise thing for you to be on E. You could end up with significantly more feminization than you desire.

I'm not really a big fan of taking medications either. I know that I am depressed (and I have feelings about that too - I think "depression" has become too broad and is describing far too many natural states of mind - anytime someone is struggling we automatically diagnose that person with "depression"), but I won't take any anti-depressants. Those things are prescribed like candy. They are given out for anything and everything that can't be explained through medical means. They can supposedly cure so many more things than just depression now. But they're not for me.

The only med I do take is the T, and that is because it's the only way I can get it.

I also know what you mean when it comes to therapy. I have been to so many different therapists in my life that I have lost count. I still have yet to find one who has actually helped me. But when you are in my financial position, the only therapy that is really available is that free clinic type therapy. I have come to realize that has been the problem all along. The quality of free clinic therapy is poor. I would't recommend it unless absolutely necesssary.

Someday when I can afford a good quality private therapist who works directly for me, then I will definitely consider it. I have issues that have nothing to do with castration or gender that need to be worked through, although those issues are probably what caused me to believe I was TS and seek castration.

If you or someone other willing person can afford a private therapist, I would recommend giving one a try. It just takes finding the right one who you can really connect to, and you have a far better chance of that in the private sector.

Proceed with caution whatever choice you make. If you want to do the E and aren't sure how far you want to go, then stay on the lowest dose of the patch and you can always quit if you think things are going too far.

Z, im sorry you feel this way..life is hard, atleast we are still breathing...though sometimes we may wish we wern't. I am with you with those so called "mental health professionals". Ive been dealing with them since i was 18, and they cannot seem to understand anything and ofcourse they are always right and i am always wrong. they have done nothing to help me. Im 23 and got this far all by myself..

You cannot understand someone elses life, until you have walked in their shoes-something they dont seem to understand. Atleast they could listen ,but this seems to hard for them aswell...

I hate arrogance, in general i hate doctors..surgeons are cool but thats all.

Z a question.....on the channel 4 documentary you said that you had no intention of becoming a girl to your dad....did u have these thoughts after castration or where they there, a little before-deep down?

the net is not real life, but know that you use your words to say whats on your mind and we will listen and atleast try to help...

be strong.

plix i agree with you about the "depression". Well people in general use that so often, i think it has lost its meaning. when someone you love dies,or you break up in a relationship it is natural to be sad...I never use that word depressed anyway, it pisses me off-so i always choose sad or feeling down or unhappy. I dont think the word depressed has any impact, its kinda lost its punch or meaning i guess..

Im on anti depressants, but only after 6 years did i give in! and im taking them for to (its an ssri) help with my obsessivness reguarding my problem. They are given far too easily, but what can a doctor do when someone is asking for them??? If they say no, who knows what could happen..

The problem is people think they have the right to be happy all the time, its ok to be sad sometimes. Thats life, its natural to get down and be upset and even lose yourself a little for months..when life is being shitty.

Im very anti psychiatry, they think they know everything. They make so much money, they aint gonna give that up......

theres a hole in the worlds soul, less materialism and bullshit and people would be much more happy-forget about the celebs.....and all that trash.

problem is people forgot what life is about....

I dunno, more for this later....

plix (imported) wrote: Sat Jun 02, 2007 9:37 am The only med I do take is the T, and that is because it's the only way I can get it.

im not sure what you mean, the only way you can get? can ge what?

thanks for your insight, the description of your own account and turmoil, helps me to come to terms with mine.

z

truly committed (imported) wrote: Sat Jun 02, 2007 9:45 am Z a question.....on the channel 4 documentary you said that you had no intention of becoming a girl to your dad....did u have these thoughts after castration or where they there, a little before-deep down?

To answer your question, at the time i did not want to go threw with any sort of transition into a female life. yes i did seek the castration for feminization, as well as for relief of other issues. i have always had thoughts of being a girl, when i was little i would fall asleep praying that i would wake up as a girl, and no longer be called a boy. The thoughts increased post castration as the testosterone left my body. i think daily of my options. i dont mind being me, and not putting a gender to my self description, its just that i feel i would be more excepted if i where to make more of a transition into a female body, maybe i think that more is out there for me if i where a girl.

z

I think you are perfect as you are i am not sure what else to say, just stay Z.

Just be a girl. Geeze, what's the big deal?

numnuts (imported) wrote: Sat Jun 02, 2007 5:18 pm Just be a girl. Geeze, what's the big deal?

the deal is that its hard, more work than being a boy. not to say that girl work is not fun, its just alot of up keep~

That's just an excuse. I'd bet you could be a girl very easily, and with very little work. You're probably just afraid of getting your period or getting pregnant.

You would look wonderful in women's clothing on the arm of a wealthy, educated, Man.

numnuts (imported) wrote: Sat Jun 02, 2007 9:23 pm You would look wonderful in women's clothing on the arm of a wealthy, educated, Man.

if you say so!