You haven't told us anything much about your life, apart from your fantasies. Fantasies can serve many functions: wish fulfillment, compensation for things lacking in everyday life, or just a way of thinking about things through metaphor, like poetry or dreaming.

Most people start life dominated by a woman - their mother. This is a formative experience for most people, and its effects can last a lifetime. I'd start by revisiting your memories of your early life as much as possible. Was this a time of bliss you long to re-experience? Do you feel you did not receive the mothering you needed, and want to receive it now, if only in imagination? Was your mother harsh and unloving, so that you're repeating the experience in an effort to come to grips with it? How do you feel when you fantasize - happy, sad, angry?

People don't always, and can't always, think about important things directly, in words. They may not fully understand something, or they may find their thoughts shameful or improper. Fantasy, like art or dreams, is a way of thinking about things without embarrassment or confrontation, by means of analogy.

There probably is a meaning to your fantasies, and the meaning is rooted in your deepest feelings about your life. Only you know enough about yourself to find this meaning. That you've been having the same sort of fantasy so long suggests that you're searching for a solution to some old problem or unresolved conflict in your life. When and if the problem is solved, the fantasies may disappear.

You don't want to be a captive of your past, endlessly wrestling with some childhood ghost. I know what I've been saying sounds Freudian, but I'm no Freudian. I'm only saying that you'll be happier if you can put your past behind you, and move forward with your life.

Your fantasies hurt no one - except maybe you. I had masochistic fantasies for many years, tied to feelings of sadness and depression. I felt myself powerless and downtrodden in important areas of my life, and my masochistic fantasies expressed my emotions about this. Once I finally took control of my life, I found the masochistic fantasies unendurable and stopped having them. I was no longer living a masochistic life, so I no longer needed masochistic fantasies to cope with it. The fantasies didn't help me take control; they were just daily recitations of my own futility. They were dangerous to the extent that they distracted me from constructive thoughts about ways to better my life.

Your case may be the opposite. Perhaps you live a tightly controlled life, and like to luxuriate in the feeling of helpless surrender. There are so many possibilities, and you're the only one who can unravel the mystery.

There may be no comparison between us, but I feel sympathetic and wish you well.

I have a hypothesis to offer on the whole "fem-dom" thing, not based on any great scientific study, just my own observations.

Sorry if this is going to be a bit lengthy, but please, give it a read and think a bit on my hypothesis.

First, have you ever just gotten too too tooooooooo damn much of something? Like a really bad sunburn? A little sunshine is fine, maybe a suntan, a little while basking on the beach... but too much of it is HELL! And notice that for days after a really bad sunburn even the slightest heat is painful, all you want to do is stand in a cold shower, even slightly warm showers HURT right after a sunburn.

OK, back to my point, which is when you just get TOTALLY FED UP WITH ONE THING, you naturally tend to gravitate to the other extreme.

Now, think about your experiences with females. Certainly, you will have had numerous encounters with such a broad range of personalities over you lifetime, that it is impossible to catagorize ALL females in one or another catagory. But on the other hand.... you cannot deny that MANY if not most females learn very well from an early age how to play the role of "helpless female" or "damsell in distress." (My own term for this is "dimwit in distress")

Many men today are really sick and tired of being with women who "just cannot understand how to...... " And you can fill in the blank there, they PRETEND that they cannot drive in city traffic, they pretend they don't understand how to check the oil in the car, they pretend they cannot figure out how to ballance a check book, the pretend they cannot do their own income tax returns, the pretend to never understand their husbands... The list is ENDLESS.

And always, they PLAY a role of "dim wit in distress" with tear filled eyes. Oh boo hoo!

At first, men, like the stupid fools that they are, LOVE to play the counter part of this fake play. They "bravely charge in to rescue the fair lady..."

Men and women both are to blame for this situation. The women learn only ONE technique to manipulate their men into doing things for them, that one DREADFULLY overused technique is the teary eyed dimwit in distress. The men, being the pathetic suckers that they are, unfailingly (well, at least in the beginning when they are still too damn horney) rush to assist.

So, COULD IT BE THAT MANY MEN ARE TIRED OF THIS CRAP?

Like someone with a bad sunburn, who wants a COLD shower, many men who are sick and tired of sharing their lives with dimwits in distress just want the OTHER extreme. They long to be with a woman who is IN CONTROL, in control of herself (NOT teary eyed), in control of the situation around her (NOT two months overdue on the rent), and in control of her man. Yes, in CONTROL of her man, these men who are fed up with have to "do the thinking for both of us" as the character Rick Blaine did in the movie "Casablanca," these men do not want to have to share their lives with a dimwit.

Sadly, most women never get it, before they are able to break their addiciton to playing the dimwit in distress, their husbands or boyfriends lose interest in them.

IF, they could see what was happening, they would lay of the "little miss helpless routine" for a bit, and re-kindle their man's interest in the intelligent person they can be.

Sadly, most men cannot get their wives or girlfriends to start acting independent enough, and intelligent enough to keep their interest in them going. So.....

My hypothesis is... that the typical "submissive" male (or female for that matter) is not so much truly submissive and incapable of thinking for themselves. It is that they are just totally fed up with being forced into the role of the only responsible one in a relationship. So now they gravitate to the other extreme for a while, maybe just a little while, but for a while the "submissive" gets to be completely without responsibility for anything except complete obedience to his (or her) dominant master. They can put their over worked judgement to sleep for a while, they do not need to think at all, just obey. Even though they may "work like slaves" for their master, these men (and women) enjoy and appreciate working like slaves for a while.

That is what I think. Like I said, this is based only on my own observations, not any extensive reading on the subject or any scientific study.

What do you think?

All the women in my family, and most of the women I've ever known, are quite unlike the type you describe. I've certainly seen it, but most of the women who do it know they're playing a game and will laugh if you call them on it.

For some aggressive women, being "helpless" is just a way of getting other people to do things for them. For a few, it may be a role they've been raised to play. Women often tell one another that men only like and marry submissive women to whom they can feel superior, so they make themselves act that away, but only with the men they want to attract. But modern women, feminist women, try to be competent and assertive most times.

Of course, women are not as physically commanding as men, and their psychological makeup is different. Women are far more social than men. They care more about being in synch with other people, and tend to work to persuade others, rather than going their own way, as many men do. Their ways of solving problems tend to be more social - enlisting allies, building consensus, etc. - than tactical. You may be confusing women's attempts to get you involved with their concerns as passivity or manipulation, but that's not how women understand what they're doing. There are, of course, more women who are truly passive than there are men, but some of the toughest people I've known have been women.

The Fem-Dom fantasy often assigns male personalities to women, and this may be part of its appeal to men who have trouble understanding or coping with women, or who may just prefer their own sex. One stereotype found in popular culture is the miniskirted babe who's a mob assassin, etc. A male personality in a sexy female body is the ideal woman for certain men.

Most men begin life being dominated by their mothers and other women. Fem-Dom is a way of combining the still potent emotions of childhood with adult sexuality. Men who've had female bosses at work, etc., may enjoy fantasies about these relationships being sexualized.

What many men fear and resent is not women's supposed helplessness, but the power that women have over them because of men's sexual desires. Women have been scolded, belittled, beaten, caricatured as witches, and even killed, just because men are afraid of the power of a pretty face. This is more than a little hypocritical. An honest man will admit he's horny and is ready to do just about anything to get laid. Don't blame women for the desperation of your own lust.

A man who wants independence can cultivate a taste for other men's dicks. That was my solution. It gives you someplace else to go, and the person you're rubbing dicks with isn't "helpless."

Concerning this puzzling question, i once read a psychological explanation of this. It was explained that the reason behind masochism may be that the masochist derives pleasure in fully entrusting his life into his lover's hands. As a result he feels very aroused being tied up and helpless before his lover, being that the lover is now in full control of what next should happen to him; the ultimate reason being total trust in his partner.

Woo talk about digging up old threads!

Actually, don't you think people sometimes try to read too much into a fetish? Afterall, for every one person you could say went through a certain experience to cause him/her to develop the fetishes he/she does, another person will have never had any reason to develop the exact same fetish, and yet does.

It's just how they're wired up, no doubt life experiences would play some part, but likely a minor one. You really would have to be born with the propensity towards having the fetishes you do in the first place for life experiences to have any effect on them.

Also, I disagree in your original post in this thread long ago that says what makes a person is their physical sex.

It is a pity that this post is dead. I am very interested in the opinion of the women. It is unfortunate that few women are I see on this page. Perhaps it would be worthwhile to open a forum for women.

There is a statistic that many women registered as a member of the site?