Fear and Horomones...

[Christina (imported)]

Have any of you experienced a change in your fear level since you started horomones? It's been kinda bothering me recently, and I would love some thoughts on it...

I have always felt a little creepy with bugs and stuff like that, and seeing a dead animal would gross me out big time. None of that has changed since hormones. But I think what did change was the feeling of being more vunerable. I am more aware of my surroundings when I go out and always looking around to make sure it's safe.

I've always been a large person and my size may have intimidated many. Now that I have lost a lot of strength I don't feel as secure as I once did when I am in an unfamiliar place. It doesn't bother me too much though.

[bryan (imported)]

At five months after castration (no HRT), my fear response has only gone up a wee bit.

Let me update that statement. The fear response has gone up MORE than a wee bit. I was doing some weeding yesterday and eventually got creeped out by the 'giant wood spiders' inhabiting the area. Their webs can be five feet across or more, and the silk has a strong pull if you get any of it on you. We've been tolerating them as 'good neighbors' up to this point, but after some close calls (and freak outs) with their webs yesterday, I went on a search-and-destroy mission. Hated it when some of the spider silk got on me. Yuck!

With loss of T comes deeper emotions, and fear is an emotion unfortunately...

[tugon (imported)]

I do not know if I would say I was more fearful now after castration but I become more anxious in new situations. I do tend to avoid physically or verbally aggressive people. I have always been an introvert and I am now more shy.

[polecat (imported)]

When I was male, I had low testosterone and high estrogen, but I was still reasonably unafraid. I'm not saying I was an unpenetrable fortress of fearlessness, but things didn't bother me as much as they do now.... Small, inconsequential things frighten me. A person used to be able to swing a rifle at my face, and I would respond in a defensive/offensive way...When I was younger... I had these reactions, but once I was given meds to start male puberty, this went away to some extent. Now that I am a girl, I find I react as I did when I was in my early to mid teens. Timid, dont react well to danger. I wonder, is this horomonally induced perhaps???

Bingo!

Well, not really. c_c Testosterone gives a heightened aggression, mostly. Also increases muscle mass, triggers a bunch of puberty changes, but the aggression is key. Unfortunately, aggression is not the opposite of fear, so it works like this: aggressive, scared people move to take control of what they fear. Passive, scared people move to remove what they fear, usually by escaping from it. There's more than one reaction to fear: some people who are scared express it by yelling angrily at an innocent scapegoat. But most people consider only one reaction to be fear: running away, escaping, getting spooked. What it might be is that you are just as easily scared as you were before, but you feel a need to express it differently; what before you didn't recognize as fear now has more "textbook" signs.

Another possibility is you feel from what you've learned that girls are supposed to be more scared of inconsequential things. c_c Even when we know we're being pushed into a stereotypical role, sometimes it's just hard to push back. How many males here have felt a knee-jerk reaction to give up your seat for a woman, not because you wanted to woo her, but just because she was a woman? Even though you know men and women are both equally worthy people? There are just ways people expect we should behave that are hard to resist, when we meet their superficial requirements.

And finally... messing up testosterone levels can have effects on other body chemicals, hormones and more importantly, neurochemicals. Like for instance Serotonin, Dopamine. Many eunuchs have severe emotional problems not so much from the "trauma" of becoming a eunuch, but from simple chemical imbalances. So, that could happen to any degree, but you might be getting a little bit extra anxiety, as a consequence of not having sex hormones. Have you tried any SSRI drugs to see if they ease it?

I'd guess the latter, frankly. There are plenty of female Rangers out there, who can take a lot of frightening images in stride. Menstruation itself is one of those experiences I've heard that makes it a lot more likely females will be able to cope with copious amounts of bloody tissue during an injury. So change 1 wouldn't increase your fear, only change your reactions. Change 2 wouldn't be a big factor, since we know as a society how gutsy girls can be. Change 3 is a possibility, as loathe as I am to throw Paxil at random anxiety. I can't say for sure though, only you know which change is the source of your problem.

You should find a psychiatrist if you can, and ask if it's an option to take SSRIs. Be careful though, psychiatrists often get hefty kickbacks from attaching people to drugs, so unless you find a really ethical one chances are they might be tempted to overprescribe. Second opinions are good.

[transgirl23ny (imported)]

...

There are plenty of female Rangers out there, who can take a lot of frightening images in stride...

Not unless they changed their sex, lol. Every Special Operations Unit is strictly males only, even in the support roles.

I have been just feeling more afraid of just about everything. I work for a non profit organization that deals with substance abuse, homelessness, mentally ill, and those with HIV/AIDS. The clients can be quite scary!

I find myself being EXTREMELY paranoid about being in the elevator alone with them. I cry sometimes when they yell perverse, lude comments at me. I have had this fear of rape for a LONG time now. I'm constantly aware of where I am, and my surroundings. I feel defenseless (even though my training should reassure me that I can kick a rapist's ass) I dunno why... it's probably an irrational fear, but the idea of rape TERRIFIES me.

I was very timid as a child, before the testosterone shots. And now I am more timid than I was as a child. *sigh* I guess this thread has shown how much horomones can play a part on the emotions. Particularly fear. Thanks for everyone's response!!!

~hug~

[polecat (imported)]

Not unless they changed their sex, lol. Every Special Operations Unit is strictly males only, even in the support roles.

Ohh, I thought you meant Rangers in general, like as in including Park Rangers. You were in a Special Operations Unit? Yeesh, sorry 'bout that.

it's probably an irrational fear, but the idea of rape TERRIFIES me.

It's um... well technically every fear is irrational. I think what you're saying is that even though the people you help are sometimes perverted, sex deprived and mentally unstable; even though they have made aggressive and lewd advances toward you, you don't feel like you should be afraid, since you have that combat training, and plus most mentally unstable people aren't capable of organizing themselves enough to do anything terribly harmful. Frankly I don't blame you; I'd be soo scared in that situation. That's one of the reason I always pass by those "Counseling troubled youth!" job advertisements, because while it's nice to help people, some of those people are downright creepy, and yes even dangerous.

We have instincts to avoid being impregnated by antisocial people willing to use force to get what they want, because it's good for the species overall not to let those people reproduce. Don't think for a minute those instincts only exist when there's two X chromosomes in your cells. It's perfectly normal for the vast majority of people to find rape a very scary thing, even when it doesn't come with abuse. Some people like the idea, but well, that's just Ma Nature hedging her bets and making sure there's some of everyone around, just in case they're needed. In fact...

Could it be that you're scared that maybe you wouldn't fight them off? I mean, being attacked with a gun is one thing, but being attacked intimately is often more conflicted. It doesn't hurt, doesn't maim the body, won't kill you, but it still kind of feels like it. Sometimes it just doesn't make sense why when someone honestly wants to be with you, why not? As the song goes, "If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?"

Finally I might add that many "sexual" advances are actually the opposite. You know that classmate who tormented you, and made everyone think you're dumb and retarded? The one you wanted to scream with frustration how annoying and cruel they were, and nobody else could see it? And how did that kid accomplish this feat: by pretending to be dumb and retarded, and your best friend. By aggressively being friendly, deliberately slurring words, saying crazy stupid stuff, they associated you with that behavior. Somehow even though they were the ones with slack drooling jaws and rolling eyes, it seemed like it was you who was being made to look dumb.

It's the same thing with sex. Some people hate the notion of sex, hate that anyone would do anything like that. These people are frequently paranoid, their already fragile minds torn further by anti-sexual propaganda designed to make sex look like a sin, look dirty, reprehensible. And the ironic thing is, these people will often act out in exaggerated sexual ways: something as simple as the old tale of construction workers jeering at the pretty woman. In acting more sexual than people feel is normal, more aggressive, more lewd and perverted, basically these people are pulling the exact same garbage as the bully I described above. They're trying to make you uncomfortable about sex.

So I don't blame you for being frightened by these poor torn minds. Even lifeguards know that when they're saving a drowning person, that person will fight tooth and nail to destroy both of them and drag them under water forever. It's just the nature of panicked flailings, whether mental or physical. I do think though, that you may be feeling too afraid in general, and you should try finding out about anxiety disorders and maybe even SSRIs. Fear doesn't have to paralyze; we don't have to obsess over our fears; we must be careful to know exactly what and what not to fear.

[mrt (imported)]

Not unless they changed their sex, lol. Every Special Operations Unit is strictly males only, even in the support roles.

I have been just feeling more afraid of just about everything. I work for a non profit organization that deals with substance abuse, homelessness, mentally ill, and those with HIV/AIDS. The clients can be quite scary!

I find myself being EXTREMELY paranoid about being in the elevator alone with them. I cry sometimes when they yell perverse, lude comments at me. I have had this fear of rape for a LONG time now. I'm constantly aware of where I am, and my surroundings. I feel defenseless (even though my training should reassure me that I can kick a rapist's ass) I dunno why... it's probably an irrational fear, but the idea of rape TERRIFIES me.

I was very timid as a child, before the testosterone shots. And now I am more timid than I was as a child. *sigh* I guess this thread has shown how much horomones can play a part on the emotions. Particularly fear. Thanks for everyone's response!!!

~hug~

I was having serious Anxiety attacks, mood problems all sorts of crappy stuff before HRT. I feel SOOO much better.