If you truly did value them, then why produce children of your own instead of adopting the overpopulated kids that are dying and starving to death elsewhere in the world? Because making future non-existent kids is more important. You resent the allegation because its abnormal to think such a thing, nobody thinks that way and you've probably never heard of such a thing and thus easily dismiss it, but that doesn't make it not true.

If it were not true, there would be no starving kids in Africa and elsewhere, couples would adopt them -instead of- having their own. Babies of your own ethnicity are more valuable, though, they aren't worth your nurturing and raising because they commited the crime of being born in the wrong part of the world and not being biologically born to you.

And the teens clung to me because I was an adult who wasn't their parents and would at least try to talk to them, and their typing skills are worse than mine.

Chibiabos

Where to start, from every post you have made I sense that you had a real bad childhood, and it makes me wonder if you were in foster homes or other. You have said you wanted to be castrated; I do understand that being a eunuch myself. You have also said you have depression, no I am not a doctor but I do know this, you need to deal with your anger first before you do anything else.

If everyone thought like you the human race would be dead in oh 100 years. But thankfully I am not one of them, I said earlier that I have 5 kids, actually my daughter is my oldest and she is my step-daughter. She has 4 kids, so 4 of my 6 grandkids are not any blood relation to me. Let me make this real clear, they are my grandkids and I love every one of them because they are mine.

You talked about kids in poor country’s running around starving and that’s true, each of us will do what we can to help. Before I got sick I would give heavily to my favorite charities, Easter Seals and the Shriners. I have picked these two for personal reasons. Each of us can only do so much with in our own believes. My oldest son and his wife do not want any kids, that is there choice, however down the road a bit they want to adopt some. My second son and his wife don’t want any kids, (not true) he does, and she doesn’t. They’re working it out, where my son may be a stay at home dad and raise the kid. I don’t look down at them or criticize their decisions, as it is their decision not mine, just as it’s your decision to have kids or not. You ask the question why don’t we adopt the starving kids of the world? I will ask you, what have you done for them. This brings me back to my original thought on this topic is that you hold a lot of anger, my shrink asked me the same thing, I am mostly angry with myself and I am still working through it. I read your posts and I see rage. All of us here at the archive will help you; most of us have similar stories to tell.

I wish you the best,

River

What you say about adoption has some merit. However, do you know of any Ethiopian adoption agencies giving kids to young couples in Virginia? I might have been able to purchase myself a Korean child like Agelina Jolie, if I'd had an extra $50,000 plus travel expenses. Sure, there are a lot of kids right here in the US who need homes, but the red tape is nearly impossible to get through. It has nothing to do with "value". For me, it had to do with cost and availability. Every day in my local newspaper there are ads from all over the country from couples begging to adopt a child - willing to pay medical expenses, housing, and all other expenses related to the child. That's not something I could offer. I have insurance to pay my own medical bills, but it wouldn't cover someone else. I certainly can't afford another house - I have a house now that I can't live in, but the mortgage must still be paid, and I have a townhouse that I also have to pay for. Further, just because a child's family lives in poverty does not mean that a parent is willing to give that child up for adoption to go to another country. You're oversimplifying a very complex issue.

So you're saying that you just abandoned ship on teens that were "clinging to you" because they didn't respond well enough to your tales of horror? Like I tried to explain before, teenagers make stupid decisions as a rule. Supportive adults are there to cluck their tongues when they do wrong, and celebrate with them when they make a choice you agree with. Running off when things don't go the way you want doesn't help anyone.

I always knew I wouldnt have kids but I still love them. I have three nephews and one niece. They think of me as their uncle ......... I working on that but it will take some time yet. I might like to adopt some day, but only if I find that special someone to be with for the rest of my life.

Hugs,

jema

Riverwind,

Just to disspell any misassumptions, I was not abused as a child. I got bullied at school like anyone else, but my depression is chronic and had no trigger in abuse. I believe its a biochemical problem in nature. Normal things people eventually get over like bereaving, no matter how hard I try I cannot.

My sister, a year younger than I, is much different. I've always been quiet and deeply emotional. I was commended for being "mature" and "a good boy" growing up, and chided by other kids for being a bit of a "sissy" while my sister was wild, rowdy, rambunxious and very extroverted. She did not have the problems with depression I've had. I hated myself because I was raised with beliefs that contradicted the sexual desires and tastes I had from my very first sexual fantasy. The values I was taught told me they were sins, sickness, deviancy and wrong -- so I came to view myself, even after I supposedly stopped being Christian when I was no longer forced to go to church, as a deviant with a sickness that needed to be cured.

That's not my reason anymore.

The human race won't cease to exist if people stopped overbreeding. We're killing off the planet and dooming ourselves as it is.

Check out http://www.populationconnection.org/ if you have time, they used to be known as zero population growth. The world would have to adjust, but would wind up much better in the long run if people sought to bring population growth to zero. My perspective may be alien to most everyone even here, but it isn't just me who thinks the human population growth needs to stop. There's no need to create more babies when there are way more babies as it is than there are homes capable of supporting them.

I find it especially disgusting that anyone thinks they need to make up for people like me who choose not to have kids. That's rubbing my face with "I'm right and I'm not going to let you make a choice that might affect anyone else!"

Jane,

I think I misunderstand something you said -- your medical insurance wouldn't cover a child you adopted, but if you had one biologically it would?

I didn't quit on individuals if that's what you meant by my question. They ended up running off with guys nearly twice their age when I knew they weren't ready. I tried to convince them to build a life for themselves before turning their life over to someone else, but I "just didn't understand." Yeah, right, like I wasn't there and didn't make the same stupid mistake when I was even older than they were. I tried to convince them to stay in school, get a job, get themselves a car and be responsible for themselves first -- but they chose instead to run off with someone, throwing their entire life over to people I knew were bad news. At that point, they had quit on me. Years later, of course, I heard what I already knew would happen -- they were penniless, homeless after breaking up realizing they had thrown their lives away. Same boat I've been in, and I waited until I was 21 before moving out and committing to someone.

I've given up trying to help any more. That's what I meant, I realize the way I said it didn't quite say that, that's my fault for miscommunicating.

-- Chibiabos

jemagirl (imported) wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2004 8:29 am I always knew I wouldnt have kids but I still love them. I have three nephews and one niece. They think of me as their uncle ......... I working on that but it will take some time yet. I might like to adopt some day, but only if I find that special someone to be with for the rest of my life.

Hugs,

jema

That's terrific, jema. We need to get rid of the adoption laws *still* on the books today in some states barring gay couples or transsexuals from adopting, that's for sure. I think anyone who is responsible, can provide a safe and nurturing environment and willing and eager to adopt is a godsend to kids needing homes.

-- Chibiabos

What I meant was that my insurance wouldn't cover someone else's pregnancy. Many people who want to adopt offer to pay medical expense for the mother, which I could not afford and my insurance would not pay. Obviously if I adopted a child he or she would be covered on my insuance plan. Sorry for being unclear.

Hi! I was adopted at birth.Alway's wondered who my people were.My adopted father died when I was 8 years old.Adopted mom was an alcholic for years.I was alway's the skinny cool kid probably some deep seated mental thing feeling I needed to be accepted.Would do whatever,fight ,drugs ,

anything for acceptance.So you see many of us have a story to tell.Hug's,Leona Lee

Andrew (imported) wrote: Thu Jun 17, 2004 11:20 am If I ever want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet around my apartmnet, I'll put clogging shoes on the cats.

Hear! Hear!

Felines rule!

Having a child ought to be an entirely personal matter. I think you should have kids only if and when you feel that you can raise them with love and give them a deacent home and good start in life. That is a great responsibility that lasts for ever. If that would make you feeling good and enrich your life then you be a parent. And this is a very personal thing. Therefore this question "Why children" is never going to be answered categoricly. Every one has hisor her answer to it. So may the ones who are longing for the warm feelings of having a loved child and are ready to take the responsibility to take care of a child have kids. Own kids or adopted doesn't matter.

Having children is the essence of life for me and my partner in life. And I can olnly talk for us. You folks have to make up your minds and decide for yourselves and I think it is entirely your own matter. The issue of insurance and beeing a burden on society and such trhings are no real matters. There are kids and there has to be kids .... or.....

They have all to be taken care of bye all of us in common. and for that there are some means like insurence ....

Well that was the feelings that filled my mind when reading this thred.