Thanks to all for replying.

Update: the doctors office called today and I have an initial screening on May 30th. The doctor runs a separate gender affirming clinic but I don’t see nulloplasty listed as an option, but at least he will be able to provide a level-set of what the scenarios look like and point me to other care providers.

I hear everyone’s advice the: time and appreciate you opinions. After all, I have made it this far without being a eunuch so what’s a few more years? That said, there are some practical considerations that you don’t have visibility to:

-as stated before I am done with sex, have no sexual attraction, and no desire to even view erotica of any sex.

- I do have autoimmune co-morbidities that worsen over time, not get better, that nullification would relieve,

- I am no longer in a relationship (officially), and most of my immediate family are dead, and I work at a stable job that won’t be impacted, therefore I don’t have anyone in my life to negotiate with, seek permission from, or justify myself to. It’s just me and my decisions.

I am growing deeper and deeper into my decision with each passing day. Having had to make much more significant life decisions than this one in the past, I am comfortable with how im am growing into this.

There are also time constraints that impact a sense of urgency rather than “sit and think about it:

- there will be a government change by the end of 2024, and it is widely anticipated that the incoming govt will go after transition affirmative procedures as they are a social hot button. If I start the process now, and get in the stream, then I stand a better chance of being grandfathered in, should things change.

- I am pursuing this within the context of our public health system, not through foriegn providers. As such, if this is viable I will be going through all of the counseling and qualifying steps required to get a “yes.”

- I have been planning a move to a more remote part of the country this year, but this new decision puts those plans on hold. I want to work within the system, deal with domestically qualified surgeons and nurses, and recover in my own home, witch access to my support network, and then move once everything looks clear. I am not going Thailand or Mexico etc to deal their clinics.

So yes, while consideration is important, well-considered decision making and action are even more so.

Hope that helps shine a light.

God bless.

I'm a nullified eunuch.

I spent years trashing my balls, not fully understanding why. I ended up requiring castration surgery.

I still didn't feel right. I had an awakening that I wasn't complete. I required my cock and empty scrotum gone.

I spoke with my urologist, who referred me to a therapist. I very quickly worked with this therapist and had one of my needed clearance letters.

I sought out a second therapist, who I spent some months working with to better understand if I was certain. I became certain, but probably won't ever fully understand why. I went forward with surgery.

Following surgery I felt complete. I like the look and feeling of being male but not entirely. I happily present with nothing in my shorts and I like it to show. I love those sideways glances I get from other guys.

I am on testosterone replacement. I keep my total testosterone 200 - 250ng/dl. because I've had issues with elevated hemoglobin and hematocrit.

I have an active physical relationship with my husband. We both quickly learned the prostate is incredible.

I'm very active. I ride bicycle. I run.

No-balls, your comment is in accordance with my feeling. I also have this desire to a flat bottom and the possibility to show it as on a beach per say. I imagine myself in a gook looking feminine bikini or else with an obvious empty crotch. I understand what you're feeling I guess.

I agree with your comment about feeling complete. This is part of how I know this is right for me. Within minutes of being here and reading about actual nullos I realized in my soul that I am a eunuch, and immediately after that realized just as deeply that I need to lose my genitalia to actually feel complete and authentic.

Likewise I also am drawn to the look and won’t be reluctant and wearing it proudly. I am a naturist and will have no qualms about continuing to visit public beaches and resorts in my new form, and will continue to shower at the pool and gym. If anyone comments I’m happy to put them in their place quickly. If anyone expresses a genuine interest I’ll be happy to chat. Never know when someone may be facing a medical issue or otherwise.

I’ve been thinking about this actually, since I’ve read that part of the evaluation process is how you will be “out?” This is what I’ve come to as part of my answer to that question. That I don’t intend to hide myself from my normal activities and behaviours for fear of commentary or discovery.

I am at approximately 30-days abstinence from masturbating or even playing with my gentials - either for pleasure or absent mindedly, given their time without stimulation. I’ve only touched my penis and scrotum to urinate or keep my foreskin retracted (which I do to reduce balinitis) .

This is the longest I’ve gone without touching myself or cumming since I was a child and what I’m noticing is quite remarkable (for me personally). Typically when I have gone 7-10 days without masturbation, my testicals swell and become more sensitive and I get the usual “blue balls.” Today my testicals seem to have shrank and feel like they are drawing up closer to my body. There is also no sensitivity when handling them - I’d say even less than any average day prior. Likewise, not a single erection, sex dream, leakage, or even subconscious stimulus-seeking through my pants while rubbing or bumping up on things throughout the day from a forlorn penis craving stimulation. I also haven’t had to put any thought or willpower into maintaining my abstinence. No “getting through the day” or countdown to when I can masturbate again. It really is like my subconscious mind has already fully accepted this and is changing my physiology. Psychosomatics is a powerful force.

At this point I feel like I may just voluntarily continue this state indefinitely as my new normal.

“Indefinitely as my new normal,” as in until I have my nullification surgery that is.

So, I just finished my first consult with the urologist I mentioned. It was a just a few minutes, by phone, but was both useful and hopeful.

He informed me that nulloplasty isn’t covered “yet” by our healthcare system, but will be shortly as the system starts to align with the updated WPATH SOC inclusion of eunuchs. As such his clinic doesn’t currently offer the specialization, but it is on his radar and he will be offering it as soon as our health system allows it. As such, he invited me to consider him as my (prospective) care provider and reach out every 6-months for an update, and that he would “put me at the front of the line” for the operation when the time comes.

He also concurred with using the interim to prepare all the other evaluations that will be required for validation, but said I would need to find that myself.

So, that’s all kind of a big deal. Not only have I got a willing practitioner confirmed , but I have a plan to start executing now. The biggest thing for me was actually saying this out loud to someone - especially a physician. I was surprised by how matter of fact it felt. Like saying I needed to get a boil lanced…

The other factor is that I am now “out” as a eunuch, as my family doctor will receive a report of the appointment, so no doubt he will have questions. So now it’s official. ��

On another note, I did pass the 5-week mark in abstaining from masturbation, but “broke the seal” one night after drinking too much a party, but that was more of an intentional act rather than something I felt compelled to do from an unmet urge. The way I had been feeling before that was completely indifferent, without urges or unconscious manifestations. Since then I have felt the same way - no need or attention paid.

Hisgoodson (imported) wrote: Fri May 31, 2024 5:16 am On another note, I did pass the 5-week mark in abstaining from masturbation, but “broke the seal” one night after drinking too much a party, but that was more of an intentional act rather than something I felt compelled to do from an unmet urge. The way I had been feeling before that was completely indifferent, without urges or unconscious manifestations. Since then I have felt the same way - no need or attention paid.

It's OK, we'll forgive you for jerking yourself off the wagon..... (couldn't resist)

Congratulations on the medical connection, hopefully the doctor is right about it not taking to long to get the medical insurance politics handled. I will also say congratulations on successfully making that first step of actually telling someone. I know that making that initial call for an appointment was possibly the biggest hump I had to get over when starting on the journey.... (The second was prepping for and doing my first Lupron shot - that mixing syringe is huge and the needle is LONG, not to mention what it meant!)

WheelyFixed

Yes, just waiting patiently now. Not much else to do but wait and go through the hurdles. Luckily, I live in the biggest city in the country, with the highest concentration of gender affirming care providers of anywhere else (in Canada). This is the place where everyone else with gender/genital modification needs comes to access resources.

My focus now is to get myself into the validation part of this journey, and most groups etc have long waiting lists, so this may take an awhile. In the time that’s passed I still haven’t had any sexual drive and my penis is pretty much a forgotten presence. I have accepted being a eunuch pretty fluidly and without personal questioning or drama - I just “am,” and am getting on with things.

I do see now though, as time passes, how one wants to be rid of these parts and can get to a point of just looking for a “solution,” whatever it may entail. When I do think about my genitals now it’s in the context of reaffirming my sense that I’m done with dealing with them and wish them gone. While I'm not in a hurry to seek out alternatives outside the medical system, I’m feeling more and more that the day can’t come soon enough…