I agree, and it seems to me that using a word the listener doesn't know, and presumably would ask to have explained, sort of defeats what I think was the OP's intent in asking about alternatives...

My take on his intent (correct me if I'm wrong, PLEASE) was to have a word for his partner to use that wouldn't "out" him in public... However I don't see how using some other word which would then need to be explained seems like it would accomplish that goal... If anything I would think having to explain would focus the listener's attention on it and make him MORE out than using the 'E word'....

WheelyCurious