Begoneboy, you state that you are still enroute! I would like to know where that route is heading for you, do you have any idea or are awaiting next thing that presents itself in your life.

I have been without balls a couple of months now. At first, it did not seem to be a big deal, even though I was wanted and waiting for it.

I will begin to slowly enjoy it.

It does not seem so different, just when I squeeze an empty scrotum it feels difference.

In retrospect, it seems that nuts had quite lot of harm or discomfort.

It is easier to live without them.

In the bag feels on right 1/2 in ball and left pea, at the end of the wires. They are decreasing all the time.

I do not mind even if someone would notice that I am a eunuch. Very few people pay attention to it.

You can always discuss with your doctor what you would like and hopefully also take your wish seriously.

Lesley (imported) wrote: Sat Jun 17, 2017 5:48 pm Begoneboy, you state that you are still enroute! I would like to know where that route is heading for you, do you have any idea or are awaiting next thing that presents itself in your life.

Well thought out question Lesley. Actually I'm heading no place particular. I pretty well knew what I wanted for myself physically when I was much younger. Which is why I am who I am today. The answer to your question may stump most, but it's what I am all about. In example, I've not read these blogs for a week because I took a several thousand mile long road trip. To me personally none of it has anything to do with any destination. It is all about the excitement, pleasure, fear and knowledge gained on the journey. So as long as I can take a breath and understand that I am taking a breath, I am still on the journey to the unknown. Hence, I am still enroute. I enjoy everyday as if it's both the first and the last. For none of us know which bus will strike us down or when. As to waiting for the next thing that presents itself? I suppose we all do that in some respect. Granted, in my life I tend to make the next thing present itself in one way or another. I do a lot of volunteer work to bring free health care to third world countries and gain huge self respect for that. I'm never slow at accepting invitations of adventure. Love reading, and creating. Creating things that other folks can benefit from (not financially) in order to make a better society. None of that means there is any level of success in my life as others see success but my own gratification becomes lifted when I can make another person simply smile. So no I have no idea where the road will make its next turn nor do I care too much. If it happens to be a fork in the road beyond the bend I will most likely flip a coin when I get there. For me, this is the most exciting way to spend my life. I depend on nobody else to make me happy. Therefore I stay happy. THAT is my route in life. To stay happy.

Begoneboy, well like you I love road trips travelling along in my capsule. Now that you can listen to endless podcasts the trip becomes more rewarding. You have answered my question beautifully! Sounds like your got closer to living the moment than most of us. As an intact old white male who presents as a kindly grandfather, I still hark back to a time when I had a chance at feminisation but backed off. To extreme it seemed at the time. If I was in my teens now, I probably would jump in. But that is harking back to the past. Enjoy.

Lesley.

Lesley (imported) wrote: Sun Jun 25, 2017 10:39 pm Begoneboy, well like you I love road trips travelling along in my capsule. Now that you can listen to endless podcasts the trip becomes more rewarding. You have answered my question beautifully! Sounds like your got closer to living the moment than most of us. As an intact old white male who presents as a kindly grandfather, I still hark back to a time when I had a chance at feminisation but backed off. To extreme it seemed at the time. If I was in my teens now, I probably would jump in. But that is harking back to the past. Enjoy.

Lesley.

I DO so much enjoy the music of all kinds on trips. Somehow it changes how the landscape looks to our minds eye.

As a great-grandparent myself looking back to the past has it's rewards. In my case it indeed takes a certain balancing

act when getting to see those little ones. At first as they come into life they no nothing more than (grandma is coming!)

and then as they grow into school age they begin to question why is it that grandma sounds like grandpa? Even in our

children's growing up they are taught inadvertently stereotypical behavior. Society is so bigoted! Then again, this forum's

community get the bigotry from every possible group they come into contact with. Which is probably a lot of the reason

I present to society as I do. Not that I really care what it thinks about me, but our personal safety needs come into play

during our interaction with it on the whole. I recall back during a travel across the deserts of the Arab countries that had

I not presented as I do I would have placed my life in danger for simply being eunuch. Well. perhaps not my life but certainly

my freedom. That world as totally different view on life.

But I admit, this forum is the only such place I have seen to share and perhaps be a little peak into the closet for others

to hear from before making such a huge decision for their lives. For those that follow through have my greatest respect

and admiration for grasping their choices and not simply conforming to what society demands.

As Summer has officially arrived enjoy the rewards it brings to us and soak up the warm in order to prepare for the cold

to follow once the leaves turn color again.

Your mentioning of Grandma sounding so much like Grandpa is the physically hardest things for trans, androgynous folks to overcome. Unless the transition is done in puberty, it takes considerable voice training for one to sound not like a male. Even counter tenors must start training their voices during puberty for them to sound just right.

The other consideration for those of the third gender in Western society, is that there is no social place for them. On the Indian subcontinent, there is Hijra’s, who are recognized and are assigned to a certain role and function in society. Admittedly a very low one. They also have a religious role to play. In the west, there is no place for the third gender except in a sexual sense. There was before the establishment of Abrahamic religious mindset, with the temple and acolytes of Cybele.

Lesley (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 26, 2017 3:53 pm Your mentioning of Grandma sounding so much like Grandpa is the physically hardest things for trans, androgynous folks to overcome. Unless the transition is done in puberty, it takes considerable voice training for one to sound not like a male. Even counter tenors must start training their voices during puberty for them to sound just right.

The other consideration for those of the third gender in Western society, is that there is no social place for them. On the Indian subcontinent, there is Hijra’s, who are recognized and are assigned to a certain role and function in society. Admittedly a very low one. They also have a religious role to play. In the west, there is no place for the third gender except in a sexual sense. There was before the establishment of Abrahamic religious mindset, with the temple and acolytes of Cybele.

You are so spot on there on all accounts. Where my situation ended up was that I became eunuch in early thirties. Wasn't my real intention

of being trans-gendered but more as rather neither. Of course as life ran it's course I morphed into who I am today. Fortunately grandchildren

are very innocent in their outlook as at a very early age they have no outlook. But just accept what is. It is their later social interactions that

adds other ideas to their thinking. Which is all ok generally speaking. They never knew me as a grandpa so they don't really have any

prejudice towards me one way or another. I spent a bit of time in India during my many travels and you are correct in that respect. What we

don't quite grasp in the Western world is how much religious influence truly guides their lives. And then there are the hijras in the sex trade

which was just a bit beyond my comprehension. It just seems to me that to be nullo is the desire to not have the sex thing always in the

forefront. Granted, a sensual, intimate relationship even now is a wonderful thing. The kind where while sex is alright, it is not what the

relationship is all about. After all, in life we are more than animals just eating, sleeping and screwing. There is the satisfaction of a calm and extremely happy and fulfilled life such as I've had for the past almost three decades. I am just as comfortable with a woman as I am with a man because sex is not the underlying factor. Although it can be fun with either since I am really neither. I am just me. Hurrah!

As to a lack of social environment for us in most of the world we can blend into whatever social environment we desire if we just do it. That is with

the exception of the gay community. They just don't get it and are afraid of what they don't understand. And fear drives them to do so many awful things that they would NEVER accept from somebody else. There was a time when I tried to access the gay community for social contacts. That was very short lived as they were extremely hostile and not accepting. So I settled in a third world country (Mexico) where they don't seem to have any opinion one way or the other and are VERY accepting. Or perhaps they just only see me as I present and that's as far as it goes.

Too bad America can't seem to get to that point. Perhaps it has to do with having everything given to them and taking no responsibility for their

actions or lives. Where the folks in third world countries are just always trying to take care of themselves as nothing is given to them.

Oh! I best not go there since I really prefer not to be accused of being political again on the forums. I'm really not at all. I just say things as I see `em. And there are many folks in this forum that appreciate input from each of us. We all have different experiences and each of them is of value to somebody during this sort of journey.

Thanks to all on the forum for just letting me rant a bit and my best to each of you.

Done well I love a good rant or should I say raconter!

Begoneboy - thanks for your thoughts. You have had quite an interesting journey, and have thought about a lot of aspects of this part of life. Fascinating.

For me, the physical change will be pretty much just that. I'm struggling a little with the thought of what I'd tell anyone, even my family, about having this done. They know of my cancer situation, and I'm sure they'll be supportive since this will be "medically necessary". It'll be done either chemically or surgically, though either one has the same net effect.

No one needs to know that I've thought about this in a more than casual way for many, many years. I just never thought it would really happen, though it looks quite likely now. Unfortunately, that reality will be accompanied with a substantially shorter life span than I'd expected! The medical necessity is driven by an attempt to manage an incurable situation, though it helps for a while. It will give me a chance to experience a major physical change that couldn't have been done any other way in the context of my family life.

My maleness is rather inescapable, and I've never had any gender ambiguity. For those who've made such physical transitions I'm impressed, as it is a very brave journey. Society is not very accepting of this, and ambiguous people seem sometimes to struggle to find a comfortable social situation.

My change of state will be physical, and mentally I will be a eunuch, but only in the sense of embracing the state of being sexless, having no sex life whatsoever since no HRT will be possible. Missing some equipment, having no ability, and most importantly no interest. I've been there before chemically, and it will be easier in some ways to be that way again.

Varys: you said "

Varys2013 (imported) wrote: Tue Jun 27, 2017 5:55 pm My change of state will be physical, and mentally I will be a eunuch, but only in the sense of embracing the state of being sexless, having no sex life whatsoever since no HRT will be possible. Missing some equipment, having no ability, and most importantly no interest. I've been there before chemically, and it will be easier in some ways to be that way again.

"

A few point for you to consider in your situation. First of all with proper treatment cancer is NOT the end of all nor the beginning of a much shorter life expectancy. I am a stage four cancer survivor. Not so common sinus cancer in 2011 treated by surgery, chemo and radiation. The treatment was hell for sure and I am now cancer free. Secondly, you may have some misconceptions about having a sex life afterwards of castration. Sure, removal of the testes will greatly reduce testosterone. But the testes are not the only part of the human anatomy that produces testosterone. If only the testes are removed for cancer treatment you'll still have a penis which can function just fine without the testes. Blood flow rather than testosterone is what produces an erection. And the prostate not your balls is what produces ejaculation.

In the end, if you want to have sex you will be able to do so. And your life span can be as long as you want it to be apart from your body simply wearing out with age. So cheer up and take it all with gusto! Being nullo does not end sex. I've had some of the best sex of my life after becoming completely nullo and have NEVER taken testosterone hormones in my life.