Re: Saw my therapist today.
Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2017 10:16 am
I am still looking for that article. In the mean time I am finding some very good information that is a help to me and I hope helpful to you. Do not worry about the old information that boys who were abused are likely to abuse anymore than the thought that girls who have been abused are more likely to seek out abusive relationships. We know better today. I used to think that way and I never really bonded with my niece or nephews. One day I looked within myself and realized I had no attraction to children or any desire to abuse. If you have no erotic interest in children and fantasies involving them you will not abuse. Knowing ourselves in an honest and truthful way is often the best way to fully understand what we are capable of doing. More than anything I would say you need to heal from your experiences.
https://myost.com/shedding-light-on-the ... ey-become/
THE IMPACT OF SEXUAL ABUSE: SHORT AND LONG TERM
After a boy has been sexually abused, generally there is a change in his personality. Behavioral changes can range from unusual acting out to being very aggressive and violent. The world has become a more threatening place and he is more vulnerable. He is trying to defend himself.
There are likely to be emotional changes as well. An open, out-going boy may suddenly become quiet, passive, and invisible. It may be obvious that he no longer feels good about himself. He has a self-perception of being damaged or broken. His sense of personal power has been taken away.
Often there are physical signs of sexual abuse as well. There may be physical damage from any forced penetration, such as anal tears, resulting in constipation or encopresis. Sleep disturbances such as nightmares, regressive behaviors such as bed-wetting or loss of bowel control, and anxiety or the sudden appearance of phobias may also occur. Any sudden and dramatic change in behavior or mood in a child should be investigated and understood.
There are both short- and long-term effects on boys who have been abused. In the short term, you may see inappropriate sexual behavior, sexually assaulting other children, hypersexuality, and gender confusion. Longer-term effects can include depression, physical ailments, negative effects on self-esteem or their sense of self, or a negative impact on interpersonal relationships. An inability to trust or feel safe with others, especially when intimacy is involved, is often the result of having been sexually abused. A boy’s sexuality is going to be impacted. Most victims get stuck at their sexual emotional age at the time of the initial assault. The assault and subsequent feelings are what represent sex to them.
In my experience with working with bisexual and gay men that are heterosexually married, I have found that many of them were sexually abused as children, usually by a male. They rationalize that the reason that they are sexually attracted to men is because they were assaulted as a child, and they conclude that if that had not happened, they would not be attracted to men.
There is no evidence that this is true. It is mental gymnastics to avoid dealing with the attraction to men. This is a very difficult outlook for many men to escape, but it is important to confront their feelings so they may come to terms with the abuse, the abuser, and their own sexuality.
The last major long-term effect is a tendency toward addictive behaviors. It is common for men in treatment programs or in a 12-step program of some kind to have to deal with the issues of sexual abuse as they are trying to deal with the addiction. The substance or behavior has been a method of self medication for the man to avoid the feeling that he is still carrying around inside.
In my experience, many men that have been labeled as sexual addicts are, in reality, experiencing a repetition compulsion. The circumstances of the initial abuse so stimulated them that their young bodies and minds were unable to process or contain the overwhelming sensations. Consequently, they froze inside, and they associate sex and sexual feelings with these overwhelming sensations; often they feel a power imbalance is part of sex, so they attempt to recreate the situation in an effort to complete the gestalt—they are trying to complete this unfinished experience. The child parts of the men are trying to find a way out of the loop they are in, and to the outside world this often looks like sexual addiction. The acting out behavior could start as a repetition compulsion and turn into an addiction as well.
When a boy has been sexually assaulted, his life changes forever. There can be small to extreme changes in behaviors, moods, and attitudes about people, himself and the world. These feelings do not go away and the impact is not minor, regardless of how the boy appears to be taking it. Children do what they need to do to survive. They may feel that their survival depends upon hiding the experience at all costs. Treatment is the only solution to really recovering. Left untreated, the wounds follow the man into adulthood and impact his relationships with everyone. Admitting the pain is terrible, but the victim stands to gain a life without the pain of the abuse. Men can and do heal from childhood sexual abuse.
https://myost.com/shedding-light-on-the ... ey-become/
THE IMPACT OF SEXUAL ABUSE: SHORT AND LONG TERM
After a boy has been sexually abused, generally there is a change in his personality. Behavioral changes can range from unusual acting out to being very aggressive and violent. The world has become a more threatening place and he is more vulnerable. He is trying to defend himself.
There are likely to be emotional changes as well. An open, out-going boy may suddenly become quiet, passive, and invisible. It may be obvious that he no longer feels good about himself. He has a self-perception of being damaged or broken. His sense of personal power has been taken away.
Often there are physical signs of sexual abuse as well. There may be physical damage from any forced penetration, such as anal tears, resulting in constipation or encopresis. Sleep disturbances such as nightmares, regressive behaviors such as bed-wetting or loss of bowel control, and anxiety or the sudden appearance of phobias may also occur. Any sudden and dramatic change in behavior or mood in a child should be investigated and understood.
There are both short- and long-term effects on boys who have been abused. In the short term, you may see inappropriate sexual behavior, sexually assaulting other children, hypersexuality, and gender confusion. Longer-term effects can include depression, physical ailments, negative effects on self-esteem or their sense of self, or a negative impact on interpersonal relationships. An inability to trust or feel safe with others, especially when intimacy is involved, is often the result of having been sexually abused. A boy’s sexuality is going to be impacted. Most victims get stuck at their sexual emotional age at the time of the initial assault. The assault and subsequent feelings are what represent sex to them.
In my experience with working with bisexual and gay men that are heterosexually married, I have found that many of them were sexually abused as children, usually by a male. They rationalize that the reason that they are sexually attracted to men is because they were assaulted as a child, and they conclude that if that had not happened, they would not be attracted to men.
There is no evidence that this is true. It is mental gymnastics to avoid dealing with the attraction to men. This is a very difficult outlook for many men to escape, but it is important to confront their feelings so they may come to terms with the abuse, the abuser, and their own sexuality.
The last major long-term effect is a tendency toward addictive behaviors. It is common for men in treatment programs or in a 12-step program of some kind to have to deal with the issues of sexual abuse as they are trying to deal with the addiction. The substance or behavior has been a method of self medication for the man to avoid the feeling that he is still carrying around inside.
In my experience, many men that have been labeled as sexual addicts are, in reality, experiencing a repetition compulsion. The circumstances of the initial abuse so stimulated them that their young bodies and minds were unable to process or contain the overwhelming sensations. Consequently, they froze inside, and they associate sex and sexual feelings with these overwhelming sensations; often they feel a power imbalance is part of sex, so they attempt to recreate the situation in an effort to complete the gestalt—they are trying to complete this unfinished experience. The child parts of the men are trying to find a way out of the loop they are in, and to the outside world this often looks like sexual addiction. The acting out behavior could start as a repetition compulsion and turn into an addiction as well.
When a boy has been sexually assaulted, his life changes forever. There can be small to extreme changes in behaviors, moods, and attitudes about people, himself and the world. These feelings do not go away and the impact is not minor, regardless of how the boy appears to be taking it. Children do what they need to do to survive. They may feel that their survival depends upon hiding the experience at all costs. Treatment is the only solution to really recovering. Left untreated, the wounds follow the man into adulthood and impact his relationships with everyone. Admitting the pain is terrible, but the victim stands to gain a life without the pain of the abuse. Men can and do heal from childhood sexual abuse.