I'm back with another offering to the altar of "slightly dirty" lyrics.

A ballad for the stage by the illustrious Cole Porter that was banned form the radio waves for many years.

Try reading this to your daughters and see what happens. . .

This is the original vocalist with her original arrangement -- the vocal stylings of the great Billy Holiday and a piano.

Dave (imported) wrote: Thu Mar 13, 2014 12:51 pm http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=

V5nXmVkPPh8

Love For Sale

by Cole Porter

When the only sound in the empty street

Is the heavy tread of the heavy feet

That belong to a lonesome cop I open shop

When the moon so long has been gazing down

On the wayward ways of this wayward town

That her smile becomes a smirk, I go to work

Love for sale, appetizing young love for sale

Love that's fresh and still unspoiled

Love that's only slightly soiled, love for sale

Who will buy? Who would like to sample my supply?

Who's prepared to pay the price, for a trip to paradise?

Love for sale

Let the poets pipe of love in their childish way

I know every type of love better far than they

If you want the thrill of love, I've been through the mill of love

Old love, new love every love but true love

Love for sale, appetizing young love for sale

If you want to buy my wares follow me and climb the stairs

Love for sale

Let the poets pipe of love in their childish way

I know every type of love better far than they

If you want the thrill of love, I've been through the mill of love

Old love, new love every love but true love

Love for sale, appetizing young love for sale

If you want to buy my wares follow me and climb the stairs

Love for sale, love for sale, love for sale

JesusA (imported) wrote: Fri Mar 14, 2014 9:49 am I think of such songs as part of every normal (at least normal male) childhood. I don't have enough experience with girl children to be certain about them, though I assume it's part of their childhood too.

Well, it is true that girls and boys both made their own versions of songs, but it seems to in general be more of a boy thing, since being vulgar and gross is for some reason considered something that makes a boy feel more like "grown-up." This is why the boys almost all started swearing like sailors around age 12, while the girls didn't. From my experiences in elementary school, the girls were usually taught the nice friendly sweet versions of songs at scout camp, while the boys always had a version that involved violence, death, and vulgarity. The girls did also chuckle along to the 'obscene' versions of the songs, though, but mainly as young kids at about age 5 or 6 before kids really start internalizing the gender divide and therefore what "ideal" gendered social behavior is. (The genders REALLY started becoming segregated around age 9/10, while they seemed to share much more interests in preschool through 1st grade or so, before they'd really had a chance to be assaulted with media images and social expectations on how boys and girls are 'supposed' to act.)

Anyway, one of the earliest moments I remember of seeing that definite divide between boys and girls was in 3rd grade, when we learned which versions of a certain song the girl scouts learned compared to how the boy scouts learned it.

The "girl" version of the song went something like this:

Way up in the sky, the big birdies fly

While down in the nest the little birds rest

(shhhh.... they're sleeeeping!)

The great sun comes up, the dew goes away

"good morning! good morning!" the little birds say.

The boy version was:

Way up in the sky, the big birdies die

while down in the nest we poison the rest

The big foot comes up, the big foot comes down

And smashes those birdies right into the ground

and the girls HATED it when the boys sang this version of the song, because they were always like "that's MEAN!"

Some other childish "obscene" versions of songs that I remember:

Joy to the World:

Joy to the world, Barney's dead

I barbecued his head!

What happened to his body?

I flushed it down the potty

and 'round and 'round it goes...

and 'round and 'round it goes...

and 'roooooound, and 'round, and 'round it goes.

Jingle Bells:

Jingle Bells, shotgun shells, Granny had a gun

shot me in the underwear in 1991.

Also just about every single nursery rhyme known to man, in boy scouts the boys learned to end them with a verse about blowing them away with a shotgun. So the rhyme would be like this:

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone

When she got there, the cupboard was bare,

So she BLEW IT AWAY with a shotgun!

A shotgun! A double-barrel shotgun!

Think of a rhyme, then sing it in time,

Then BLOW IT AWAY with a shotgun!

About the only one I remember is

Mary, Mary, quite contrary

How does your garden grow?

With silver bells

and cockle shells,

and one big ugly fucking egg plant.

"Last night I stayed at home and masturbated,"

Ring-dang-do

"Oh, it's beer, beer, beer, "

It's not always the made up words to the song. The Chior was singing "Come Come Ye Saints." When somebody yelled out. Oh, the masturbation song.

But then again I hate the "Little drummer boy", and I always belt out off key "Rub her bumb bumb." It's amazing how many chiors sing it that way.

Sing to the tune of "Frere Jacques"

Furry Jock Strap, Furry Jock Strap (http://www.picshag.com/chinchilla-fur-jock-strap.html)

Makes you itch, makes you itch,

Scratch and scratch and dig it,

Scratch and scratch and dig it,

You silly BITCH,

YOU SILLY BITCH...

If You See Kay... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3xE0x0Iq-o)



Who Put the Pepper in the Vaseline...? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgreFe2TGac)



Barry Cuda... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aR5tjjM2eBM)

If you really want to hear some eye-popping lyrics in Country Western Style

look up DAVID ALLEN COE online. . .

he has songs like

Three Biggest Lies

Masturbation Blues,

I made Linda Lovelace Gag

Cum Stains on My Pillow

The Devil Went Down to Jamaica

Finger F$$%%-g Sally

This is Country Western.

Now before you think it isn't the Country Western you've never heard it before with lyrics like

"I was into whips and things and she was into chains. Chained her to the garage wall. . . "

I suggest you go back and listen to Cocaine Carolina or Whiskey Bent and Hellbound or Johnny Cash's great anthem -- Cocaine Blues