Dave (imported) wrote: Fri Sep 27, 2013 10:30 am I really don't know how to tell this story. Be patient with me...

There is a large Mall called SOUTH HILLS VILLAGE and across the road from it, several big-box chains and a smaller mall built up. Along with them came motels and apartment complexes.

In the one apartment complex a single man, a hunter, apparently unmarried, never married and I guess not having many girlfriends in life...

Well, he bagged his Doe during hunting season and like all good hunter, gutted it in the woods and brought it back on the hood of his care for all to see. For those who don't know about hunters or are squeamish stop here: (Although most hunters use a butcher, you can simply hang it up on a ladder or a swingset in the cold backyard and cut the beast apart with a good set of butcher's knives. It's a bloody mess but it happens... Obviouslyl, you don't do this in the neighbor's yard...)

To get back to my story:

For reasons we don't want to know,

(I shudder at the possible justifications and rationalizations for what happened next) he took it back to his apartment relatively unnoticed at first and propped the dead carcass over a table and proceeded over at least a week to use it for sex.

Now you're beginning to understand why I was reluctant to put this story in print.

The neighbors finally smelled something wrong.

The police came, saw, and arrested,.

One policeman called the deer a sperm bank for the resident. Squishy was the word the newspapers printed.

The psychiatrists came, etc...

The apartment complex requested near immediate eviction and called HAZMAT to disinfect and scrub, scrub, scrub.

It was one of the creepiest news stories ever to grace December's TV and newspapers a week before Christmas.

gareth19 (imported) wrote: Sun Sep 29, 2013 9:23 pm A rotting deer with cum stains doesn't qualify as hazardous waste; the deer ticks might be another matter. BTW My uncles used to bring the deer back for my grandmother to dress. She gutted and butchered them in the back yard. You need a really strong, dry red wine, lots of juniper berries, and days of marinating to make venison edible.

gareth19 (imported) wrote: Sun Sep 29, 2013 9:23 pm A rotting deer with cum stains doesn't qualify as hazardous waste; the deer ticks might be another matter. BTW My uncles used to bring the deer back for my grandmother to dress. She gutted and butchered them in the back yard. You need a really strong, dry red wine, lots of juniper berries, and days of marinating to make venison edible.

StefanIsMe (imported) wrote: Mon Sep 30, 2013 11:11 pm (To be read in the voice of Pooh)

Oh, bother... it seems, to me, (twiddle dee dee) that we have, somehow, rather.... strayed from the subject line?

It's just that, oh, well, you did mention good ol' Eeyore up there, and whilst this thread (fiddle-de-dread!) IS of course about some strange and upsetting-sounding acts with our forest friends... I thought (oh, my, that's a trick for me) I'd share why Eeyore is grumpy.

See, well,... (toeing the sand shyly)... poor Eeyore lost his tail one day. Of course, none of us friends of Christopher had anything to do with it (ESPECIALLY me, of course), but see, Eeyore did lose it and that must have hurt, and it was missing almost all day.

So, you can see how that might make an otherwise-pleasant-as-a-plum-most-of-the-time-as-long-as-you-don't-bother-him fellow seem a little glum.

Oh, Piglet! Yes, pooh-sticks on the bridge sounds great.

Paolo wrote: Mon Sep 30, 2013 12:12 pm The thread is about fucking donkeys.