I suspect I was fired from my job due to being Gay...

[impotentus (imported)]

Today, the same insider told that I was fired because my attitude. I was flamboyant and I wanted to "stand out in the crowd" JUST WTFH IS THIS?

[transward (imported)]

Today, the same insider told that I was fired because my attitude. I was flamboyant and I wanted to "stand out in the crowd" JUST WTFH IS THIS?

That's pretty much the normal code words they use for firing gays when they don't want to look prejudiced.

Transward

[nullorchis (imported)]

There are two ways of looking at this.

1) Be yourself and find some place that is accepting.

2) The employer is paying you to do a job. If you need a job really bad, suck it up and think of the job like being on stage. Act whatever part you need act so you stay employed. You are still true to yourself. Just not at work. Such is life in the real world.

[~Tiamat~ (imported)]

Sorry Nullorchis but I completely disagree. There's a reason actors get paid so much. It really takes it out of you.

You're being paid to do a job not suffer crippling depression, alcohol problems and possible suicide attempts. And your job will suffer with any of those things so it's in your employer's interests not to make you suffer them. They're paying you for your time not your soul.

Some people can hack it and they can do the jobs that genuinely require it but if you let employers call the shots there'll be no jobs for those who can't.

I'm really sorry but I really, strongly disagree with that :/

So sorry Impotentus.

~ edit ~

Of course it probably has less to do with who with who he was on the job than who they thought he was outside of it but I don't know and I don't want to make assumptions. Just had to reply to that but I'll just leave it, I should have known better. Sorry.

[nullorchis (imported)]

Not a real actor.

it would be your personal decision whether to do what works so that you can stay employed, or just be yourself and try to find the right niche of a job.

of course if some employer crosses a legal line, let them have it right between he attorneys.

but sometimes Life involves compromises.

Up to each of us how much we care to compromise.

For Timat, no compromise.

For someone else, something different.

And that is fine, for my life is not yours, yours is not mine, and ours is not some one else's, nor theirs ours.

How boring it would be if we all thought alike.

[bobover3 (imported)]

Don't forget hypocrisy. Employers may not be consciously devious when they favor or disfavor various people. Not everyone is that introspective or reflective. Most people just know whether they like or dislike someone, and they'll find rational respectable reasons to justify their like or dislike. They're not conscious of rationalizing their feelings. They tell themselves they feel as they do for good reason, not the truth, which is that they find reasons for their feelings. Emotion governs thinking, not the other way around.

So if something, even something unnamed about you, causes the boss to be ill at ease, he'll suddenly find that your work is no good. I saw countless examples during my corporate career. Finding fault with an employee's work is an acceptable reason for not liking them and for firing them.

So what to do? First, realize that no matter how you act or what you do, some people just won't like you. That's true for everyone, gay or straight. If your boss doesn't like you, he may well hurt your career. The only defenses are to try to be agreeable, if that's possible, or move to another job before your boss builds up enough ill will to really hurt you.

Second, don't court disaster by flaunting potential provocations - your religious and political beliefs, your sexuality, or anything else that might be a flashpoint. If your boss loves a football team, don't let him know you cheer for a rival. This does not mean you have to act or be in any way insincere or dishonest. Just don't talk about certain things. Be discreet. Smile politely and nod, but don't commit yourself. I once had a boss who loved to share pictures of nude women with his male employees. I never told him it wasn't my thing. I smiled, made supportive comments, and let him know that I appreciated his generous intentions, which I did. I didn't rub my viewpoint in his face, but I never lied or acted. It's a fine line, but unless you find a gay boss who values you, it's the line you have to walk.

Feeling sorry for yourself, complaining to HR, or taking legal action may vent your emotions, but it will harm your career. No one wants to hire a litigious employee. A cousin of mine was a cook. He got hurt in a kitchen accident, sued the restaurant, and won a nominal judgment. But he could never get a restaurant job again. So be discreet and live.

[tugon (imported)]

The expression "flaunting your sexuality" still makes me crazy. It is the same as "Don't ask, don't tell". I worked around a lot of people at the hospital and they felt quite free to discuss their personal lives. One time a nurse was talking about going on a dinner/movie date. I had mentioned I saw the same movie with a friend and I was reported for flaunting my sexuality. It was not a date only seeing a movie with a friend. Since the friend was male I was flaunting.

[A-1 (imported)]

Bob/3,

I don't know whether it is a ability to read people or what but usually I can walk into a room and read body language and pick out the Gay men. I cannot do this as well with women.

So the point being is that Gay men are sometimes NOT capable of hiding this, what they refer to as "flair". It is NOT something that all Gay men can control. I will go as far as to say that not all Gay women can control this, either.

The frightening thing is I see some men with with "flairish" tendencies that would be angry if you were to point it out to them and I suspect this to be related to the male tendency to demonstrate "homophobia" which I feel lies at the root of much of the maltreatment of gay people collectively known as "Gaybashing".

IT behooves many of us to be more tolerant of Gay people. I have a grandson who just moved in with me who says that he is gay. My son-in-law has dealt with it poorly in my opinion but I will admit that he could have been worse about it. So it goes, tolerance and forgiveness must be the attitude or else laws must be in place to protect those who are "different" than we are. The problem is, everyone of us is different in some way. Therefore these laws must be thoughtfully crafted. So far I have NOT seen the Tea Party "thoughtfully" do anything. The legislation that these types propose may be likened to a "bull in a china closet"...(and some are STILL "BULLS" in the closet) In worst case scenarios, unfortunately, "a TURD in a punch bowl" is a more accurate description. (If a BULL stays in the closet, Bob/3, then he has to shit there, too.)

Just as in politics, it behooves us to "get over" our differences and to remain friends. From what I read here the common thread that runs through this place is stronger than the differences that pull us apart.

It's just that as far as tolerance goes, or intolerance for that matter, we all have our differences...

Don't forget hypocrisy. Employers may not be consciously devious when they favor or disfavor various people. Not everyone is that introspective or reflective. Most people just know whether they like or dislike someone, and they'll find rational respectable reasons to justify their like or dislike. They're not conscious of rationalizing their feelings. They tell themselves they feel as they do for good reason, not the truth, which is that they find reasons for their feelings. Emotion governs thinking, not the other way around.

So if something, even something unnamed about you, causes the boss to be ill at ease, he'll suddenly find that your work is no good. I saw countless examples during my corporate career. Finding fault with an employee's work is an acceptable reason for not liking them and for firing them.

So what to do? First, realize that no matter how you act or what you do, some people just won't like you. That's true for everyone, gay or straight. If your boss doesn't like you, he may well hurt your career. The only defenses are to try to be agreeable, if that's possible, or move to another job before your boss builds up enough ill will to really hurt you.

Second, don't court disaster by flaunting potential provocations - your religious and political beliefs, your sexuality, or anything else that might be a flashpoint. If your boss loves a football team, don't let him know you cheer for a rival. This does not mean you have to act or be in any way insincere or dishonest. Just don't talk about certain things. Be discreet. Smile politely and nod, but don't commit yourself. I once had a boss who loved to share pictures of nude women with his male employees. I never told him it wasn't my thing. I smiled, made supportive comments, and let him know that I appreciated his generous intentions, which I did. I didn't rub my viewpoint in his face, but I never lied or acted. It's a fine line, but unless you find a gay boss who values you, it's the line you have to walk.

Feeling sorry for yourself, complaining to HR, or taking legal action may vent your emotions, but it will harm your career. No one wants to hire a litigious employee. A cousin of mine was a cook. He got hurt in a kitchen accident, sued the restaurant, and won a nominal judgment. But he could never get a restaurant job again. So be discreet and live.

[bobover3 (imported)]

Tugon, unless you're too rich and powerful to be touched, discretion is a necessary survival skill for everyone. And yes, it's never fair. That's exactly why you have to be discreet.

[bobover3 (imported)]

Thank you for "tolerating" us, A-1. We tolerate you too.

P.S. Laws are largely irrelevant here. It's the same as making murder illegal - someone has to die before the law acts, yet there are still murders.