Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm This may be sacrilege, but here is a paragraph written by Faulkner and an example how I would re-write it with more paragraph breaks.

When she was twelve years-old her father and mother died in the same summer, in a log house of three rooms and a hall, without screens, in a room lighted by a bugswirled kerosene lamp, the naked floor worn smooth as old silver by naked feet. She was the youngest living child. Her mother died first. She said,

“Take care of paw.”

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm Lena did so. Then one day her father said,

“You go to Doane’

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm s Mill with McKinley. You get ready to go, be ready when he comes.” Then he died. McKinley, the brother, arrived in a wagon. They buried the father in a grove behind a country church one afternoon, with a pine headstone. The next morning she departed forever, though it is possible that she did not know at the time, in the wagon with McKinley, for Doane’s Mill. The wagon was borrowed and the brother had promised to return it by nightfall.

When she was twelve years-old her father and mother died in the same summer, in a log house of three rooms and a hall, without screens, in a room lighted by bugswirled kerosene lamp, the naked floor worn smooth as old silver by naked feet. She was the youngest living child.

Her mother died first. She said,

“Take care of Paw.”

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm Lena did so.

Then one day her father said,

“You go to Doane’

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm s Mill with McKinley. You get ready to go; be ready when he comes.” Then he died.

McKinley, the brother, arrived in a wagon. They buried the father in a grove behind a country church one afternoon, with a pine headstone. The next morning she departed forever, though it is possible that she did not know at the time, in the wagon with McKinley, for Doane’s Mill. The wagon was borrowed and the brother had promised to return it by nightfall.

Any thoughts?

With your paragraph breaks, this was much easier and faster to read.

I still find that first paragraph of Faulkner's awkward. I would write it more like this:

I

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm n a log house of three rooms and a hall,

in a room without screens,

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm lighted by a bugswirled kerosene lamp, its naked floor worn smooth as old silver by naked feet,

her mother and father died the summer she was twelve years old

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm . She was the youngest living child.

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm This may be sacrilege, but here is a paragraph written by Faulkner and an example how I would re-write it with more paragraph breaks.

When she was twelve years-old her father and mother died in the same summer, in a log house of three rooms and a hall, without screens, in a room lighted by a bugswirled kerosene lamp, the naked floor worn smooth as old silver by naked feet. She was the youngest living child. Her mother died first. She said,

“Take care of paw.”

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm Lena did so. Then one day her father said,

“You go to Doane’

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm s Mill with McKinley. You get ready to go, be ready when he comes.” Then he died. McKinley, the brother, arrived in a wagon. They buried the father in a grove behind a country church one afternoon, with a pine headstone. The next morning she departed forever, though it is possible that she did not know at the time, in the wagon with McKinley, for Doane’s Mill. The wagon was borrowed and the brother had promised to return it by nightfall.

When she was twelve years-old her father and mother died in the same summer, in a log house of three rooms and a hall, without screens, in a room lighted by bugswirled kerosene lamp, the naked floor worn smooth as old silver by naked feet. She was the youngest living child.

Her mother died first. She said,

“Take care of Paw.”

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm Lena did so.

Then one day her father said,

“You go to Doane’

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm s Mill with McKinley. You get ready to go; be ready when he comes.” Then he died.

McKinley, the brother, arrived in a wagon. They buried the father in a grove behind a country church one afternoon, with a pine headstone. The next morning she departed forever, though it is possible that she did not know at the time, in the wagon with McKinley, for Doane’s Mill. The wagon was borrowed and the brother had promised to return it by nightfall.

Any thoughts?

Faulkner was experimenting with a technique known as "stream of consciousness" in which thought associations run together freely, so his paragraphs often don't reflect traditional boundaries because he isn't observing the concept of the paragraph as a discussion of a single topic point. That being said if I had to break this paragraph up, it would be

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm When she was twelve years-old her father and mother died in the same summer, in a log house of three rooms and a hall, without screens, in a room lighted by a bugswirled kerosene lamp, the naked floor worn smooth as old silver by naked feet.

The focus is on the barren circumstances of the house, they are poor white trash

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm She was the youngest living child. Her mother died first. She said,

“Take care of paw.”

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm Lena did so. Then one day her father said,

“You go to Doane’

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm s Mill with McKinley. You get ready to go, be ready when he comes.

” Then he died. The focus shifts to the circumstances of her being orphaned

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm McKinley, the brother, arrived in a wagon. They buried the father in a grove behind a country church one afternoon, with a pine headstone. The next morning she departed forever, though it is possible that she did not know at the time, in the wagon with McKinley, for Doane

’s Mill. topic is her departure from the family home

The wagon was borrowed,

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm and the brother had promised to return it by nightfall.

The last sentence is a compound sentence and shifts the focus back to the poor circumstances of her new surroundings. This single sentence section shows the foolishness of trying to define a paragraph by the number of sentences it contains. A paragraph is defined by the unifying thought of the sentences within. This also justifies Faulkner's eccentric paragraphing for the theme that unites all of the sentences is the family's poverty-stricken circumstances. The first one sentence section focuses on the poverty of the family home. The following seven-sentence section describes the circumstances of her parents' deaths, but it also indicates the emotional poverty of Lena's life. The three-sentence section describing her father's interment further emphasizes the spiritual and emotional poverty. The final one-sentence section returns to the financial poverty; thus, the entire passage revolves around the theme of poverty, material, emotional, and spiritual and can be justified as a paragraph even if it seems to meander in its narration.

gareth19 (imported) wrote: Thu Nov 25, 2010 12:20 am Faulkner was experimenting with a technique known as "stream of consciousness" in which thought associations run together freely, so his paragraphs often don't reflect traditional boundaries because he isn't observing the concept of the paragraph as a discussion of a single topic point. That being said if I had to break this paragraph up, it would be

Interesting observation, and I see what you mean. It is written as a stream of consciousness and has certain power to it, although it might take a Faulkner to successfully pull it off.

Interesting - thanks.

Out of curiousity, aren't the editors allowed to edit something to make it more readable?

I understand it isn't policy to do so or you'd be stuck editing each and every single submission till eternity, but let's say you see something with a genuinely agreeable storyline. Problem is the formatting, such as its paragraphing... aren't you able to actually edit it slightly?

Yes, there are editing tools, but the editing screen is a pain in the ass (at least with a screen res of 1024x768). And, as you stated, we'd be here until Doomsday editing things!

It's really very simple as one is writing a story in Word, etc.:

You want a paragraph?

Hit ENTER

You'll get one.

Hit ENTER 4 times, you'll get 4 line breaks.

You want to break lines without a line break?

Type in, no quotes, " " and avoid ENTER.

The brackets next to your "P" key, the square-ish ones, can be used to control bold, underline, and italic by enclosing a B, I, U, within them. That's about the only code that works here.

I know that, but if the people vetting the stories come across something strong on content, weak on formatting, wouldn't the odd tweak benefit everyone?

I'm aware not everyone is as tech-savvy as I am. Or I guess some people might just be sloppy. Creative types tend to be sloppy sometimes.

Slammr (imported) wrote: Wed Nov 24, 2010 11:01 pm I still find that first paragraph of Faulkner's awkward. I would write it more like this:

I

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm n a log house of three rooms and a hall,

in a room without screens,

Slammr (imported) wrote: Wed Nov 24, 2010 11:01 pm 00]
lighted by a bugswirled kerosene lamp, its naked floor worn

smooth as old silver by naked feet,
[/quote]
her mother and father died the summer she was twelve years old

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:45 pm . She was the youngest living child.

Congratulations Slammr. Your re-paragraphing and rewriting as above is an improvement on the original text. And no, I am not being sarcastic.

Slammr (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 23, 2010 10:44 pm Well, if Faulkner were still around and submitted a story, I would probably make an exception for him - as long as his story included someone getting something down there cut off, of course.

Slammr,

Stories like, "The Urethral Sound And The Fury" and "Requiem For A Nut"?

-YPA

punkypink (imported) wrote: Thu Nov 25, 2010 4:23 am Out of curiousity, aren't the editors allowed to edit something to make it more readable?

I understand it isn't policy to do so or you'd be stuck editing each and every single submission till eternity, but let's say you see something with a genuinely agreeable storyline. Problem is the formatting, such as its paragraphing... aren't you able to actually edit it slightly?

Our story editor program was written years ago by the person that started EA. It is archaic and is a pain in the ass to use. Sometimes, I've used it to edit something minor, but it's a pain to use to make even small changes. I'm not about to make major formatting changes using it.

I could probably make a paragraph break or two, but, depending on how many stories are submitted, some times it takes more time than I would like to spend just to read them. I might do some editing, if I thought the story was otherwise exceptional, but most of those with such errors aren't.