Fear of doing something I may regret

[SplitDik (imported)]

There are good psychologists for transgender matters in any Western country. But you usually have to get to a big city. I know that may be inconvenient for you, but THIS IS YOU LIFE AT STAKE so do what you have to to get to a place that can help.

For other people with castration compulsion, please also consider SSRIs and other anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds before doing anything drastic. I have had serious self-genital-mutilation tendencies since I was 9 years old. However, about six years ago I finally got an emergency room psychiatrist who chose to give me SSRI and it was like a miracle. Within a couple days the urges for nullification subsided drastically. I went from doing extreme self-harm to being able to manage it and only occasionally do things that risk permanent damage.

Anyway, in a city in any Western country you can find good help for these types of problems. I still wish I could wave a magic wand and be a eunuch with no side effects, but the reality is not like that -- not only is the act itself dangerous, but you will have to live with some really undesirable results (difficulty controlling urination, phantom pain, depression, loss of energy, osteoporosis, and of course regret).

[Hash (imported)]

I suppose the reality is that there's a lot of truth in what castr8edmale has said. Recently, malebodymods.com posted a new video of a man who calmly tied off his testicles and cut them off. It was amazing and sobering to watch, but it showed what most of us have done to achieve our goal. Like castr8edmale, I cut my genitals for years until finally I got up one morning and cut off my left testicle. I didn't plan it or expect to do it on that day, but the compulsion was so overwhelming I couldn't stop myself. I actually cut off my good testicle and left my damaged right one alone. My "t" levels dropped and I experienced the eunuch calm. Dr. Kimmel finally made me a complete eunuch some years later, removing my remaining right testicle. I can still hear him saying, "It's a good thing you had this removed, it doesn't look good at all, not at all."

[Riverwind (imported)]

I can relate to that for sure, when Dr Kimmel took out the left one he commented that I had to be in a lot of pain with it and it needed to come out, then he took out the right and said OH MY the left one was in great shape compared to the right. I have them both in a jar.

River

[feedback (imported)]

I have got to the point of exposing my right testicle and then chickened out because I did not have the supplies I needed. I have tried every other avenue and have had no luck. I to am sure that one of these days the urge will just be to much and I will go to far to turn back. I am trying to educate myself about what I need and have the supplies on hand but it seems that I can't control the urge to cut sometimes and it happens when not planned. I am not afraid of what it will be like to be without them because I have lived for years with little or no T in my system and much prefer it this way. The only thing that has stopped me is the fear of bleeding to death.