Arab Nights (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 01, 2010 8:05 pm One summer I worked with a kid who was deadly after eating green apples. We would make him sit in the back of the pickup. Then we got a belly laugh out of the reaction of people in cars following us down the road.

I had a coworker who talked about passing a cattle truck on a highway on a turn and the bovine waste sloshed out the side of the truck and splattered their car.

IT was a LONG WAY to the next car wash, disinfectant and deodorant ...

Home Depot chili has to be better than Hormel

Chili might do it for everyone else, but I find "sushi nori" to be MUCH more powerful and tasty.

I am one of the people who absolutely loves to eat sushi, when I can afford it. Sushi does not really give me gas so don't worry if you or someone close to you likes sushi, but the dried seaweed "paper" like stuff that they use to wrap the sushi, now THAT STUFF IS EXPLOSIVE AND POTENT!

The dried seaweed, called "sushi nori", can be bought in most Asian food stores, it usually is not too expensive, and it makes a GREAT TASTING and healthy snack.

Seriously, if you like healthy food, or you just want to develope your own "weapon of mass destruction," you should give this stuff a try.

You can buy it in packets of simply "dried seaweed sushi nori" or you can buy it already "roasted" but I myself much prefer to buy it just in the dried or raw form and to the roasting (more accurately toasting) myself. It tastes much better when you fresh roast it yourself.

Preheat your oven to maybe 400 degrees f. set to bake.

Take the individual sheets of dried seaweed (about 12" x 12") and lay them flat on a table, fold up one or two paper towels into a little square about 3" and dip the square into olive oil. LIGHTLY coat the slick side of the sushi nori with olive oil and sprinkle lightly with salt if you like the salt, or try it no salt and see if you like that.

Set the lightly oiled (and maybe salted) sheets on the oven racks with the slick oily side up, a cookie sheet pan can be used but I get better results just setting it straight on the rack.

Bake it for only a few minutes, ten minutes tops, you just have to keep a close eye on them, and watch for the sheets to just barely change from flat and slick to slightly wavey and no longer slick and oily. If you wait one minute too long, they become almost black, taste horrible, and have a bubbly sandpaper like surface. So pull them out of the oven just when the slick oily look changes and BEFORE they turn into crisp charcoal sheets.

I can eat this stuff all day long, to me, it tastes very much like grilled swordfish steak, but much cheaper and it is supposedly loaded with vitamin B, so it gives your brain a boost too.

Now for the bad news.... It leaves a bunch of little green flakes of "sushi dandruff" on the front of your shirt, leaves a lot of those green flakes on your teeth too.... Makes you look hideous if you don't brush your teeth right after you eat it. But the next day, that is when it really explodes. The smell is unbearable, sort of like a pile of dead fish rotting in the sun, on the beach at low tide. I am serious, this stuff could clear out a bus or subway car easily forcing people to jump from a moving train to get away from the smell. And it produces VOLUMINOUS amounts of this noxious gas. Don't be surprised if the police get called and "Homeland Security" sorts show up in biohazard gear.

Finally, BEWARE! Just when you think your butt has turned into an industrial methane gas generator, and you are relaxed... it fools you into thinking it is just gas, when it is in actuality a liquified biohazard shit that slips out. Wear your "Depens" diapers or something if you eat a lot of this stuff.

This one deserves to be bumped back up!

Around ten years ago, I had "family-related" reasons to repeatedly travel from eastern Wisconsin to southeastern Minnesota. At just the right distance was a very nice, family owned, independent restaurant. They had a very special and very delicious-tasting hamburger variant. Tasted better than any other hamburger I ever ate.

Well, I have no colon, so from input to output is often something around six hours. That hamburger, delicious as it was during the input phase, was something else during the output phase. It got there in about two hours. Just as I was approaching an Interstate rest area. Into the rest area men's room I went. Good Grief! A "never before in my whole life" happened. I think I would have preferred being sprayed by a dozen skunks. As soon as it became achievable, I beat a strategic retreat. Into my car, leaving the scene of "the crime" as rapidly as I thought safe.

I did not wait to see how long it took before someone, on entering the "men's room" did not immediately beat a strategic retreat.

I went back to that restaurant many times. Without ever again eating one of their very special and very delicious hamburger variants.

Some funny fiction stories are based on real life events, which, if told straight, are often impossible to believe.

I did, later, once, get my wife to eat one of those very special and very delicious hamburger variants. She has a full complement of gastro-intestinal tract plumbing.

Conclusion? Those very special and very delicious hamburger variants are suitable only for people with intact gastro-intestinal tracts.

Another demonstration of biological diversity?

Where I work we have one of these machines called a WAVE (http://www.warehousenews.co.uk/wp-conte ... wave_2.jpg). It stands for Work Assist VEhicle. It is a cute little piece of equipment that you can drive around the store, and when you get to a point where you have to bring something down off of the top shelves, it can hydraulically lift you up to 15 or 20 feet straight up.

Well, I was up there moving some particularly heavy merchandise, which of course puts a bit of pressure on the old plumbing, and some rancorous odors escaped me unchecked. I was alone, and fairly high up, so I thought I was safe.

Little did I know I was right by the store's ventilation system, which blew my noxious gasses straight down into the next aisle. The noises of choking and gasping were audible, and I heard at least one, "Holy hell!"

From my vantage point I watched two customers beat a hasty retreat from the department holding their noses, with eyes watering.

Being a coward, I drove that WAVE away from the affected area as quickly as I could. It was a few hours before I came back to finish what I had started. I made sure a trip to the men's room preceded my return to move any heavy stock. No one has sued me to repaint the store, but I'm sure I came damn close.

It's time to move this post back up again so everyone new can enjoy it.

Thanks Paola it is a good one I hadn’t seen or if had years ago didn’t remember it!

Dave (imported) wrote: Tue Feb 02, 2010 11:04 am I had a coworker who talked about passing a cattle truck on a highway on a turn and the bovine waste sloshed out the side of the truck and splattered their car.

IT was a LONG WAY to the next car wash, disinfectant and deodorant ...

Pig manure is the worst there is. I ll take horse or cattle manure over pig manure.

A family member drove over a trail of leaked pig manure from a manure spreader that covered both lanes on the highway. It splattered all across the car s underside and inside the wheel wells. I got stuck cleaning it off. Three tries at a do it yourself car wash and pressure washing the car s underside failed to remove the unbearable stench. Driving for hours didn t tame it either. That car had to be parked far from the house and downwind for weeks before the awful smell finally went away.

Some of us seem to be a magnet for stepping in any manure within a mile radius. Its only when you go into a building that you realize your boots are carrying toxic waste that stinks everyone out. I ve had to leave stores and businesses after discovering I m tracking pungent manure stink on my boots.

Ahem..... I am afraid I must "beg to differ" on the matter of "pig manure being the worst." Believe me, I do KNOW this shit, I know shit, not really something I like to talk about, but I do KNOW what I am talking about. I know pig shit from 4H pigs, it smells bad, but there are worse shits out there. I would say that most birds, chickens and turkeys for example are worse smelling, but their shit is relatively dry and dries up quickly after the bird shits it out, so it smells awful for a short period of time, pig shit seems to take forever to quit stinking, but at least it is not a bad as chicken shit. But now, I must tell you that there is a shit yet worse than chicken shit, from personal experience I KNOW that rattlesnake shit (and I presume most other reptile shit) stinks far and away the worst of all shits that I have smelled. Several years ago, when my son and his friends were still young, when I found a rattlesnake on my property, I would keep it in a large terrarium until I could re-locate it farther out into the desert. Most people are total IDIOTS about how they deal with rattlesnakes and gila monster lizards, they very stupidly assume that these venomous killers must be killed.... Rattlesnakes are NOT aggressive, maybe "sidewinder rattlesnakes" are somewhat aggressive, but for the most part rattlesnakes do everything they can to avoid confrontation with people, pets, or anything else that they don't intend to eat, so really if I find one by my dog's food dish outside (they love to set in ambush by the dog's food where they wait to get any small birds that come to get the dog's food) or anywhere else by my home, I never kill it, I just make sure the snake gets a fresh meal of store bought mice and all the water it wants, then I re-locate it about a mile away in the desert. While I am keeping the snake (usually no more than a few days) in the terrarium, they sometimes shit.... OMG! Well, I always make sure my terrarium has a thick layer of sand so that the snake shit can be scooped out and taken far away.