My latest thoughts of myself and the ability to enjoy romantic love is that it is very unlikely. I think for me the problem stems from parts of my personality not developing or not developing in the proper sequence. My mother reminded me several times that we never bonded. My father certainly abused his parental role and abandoned his responsibilities. So from an early age the things I needed to grow and mature as a mentally healthy individual never happened. I did not grow up in a loving affectionate home. What is most sad is my three siblings did.

I have a great capacity to love and to put others before myself. I have the amazing ability to love others who will not return the love. I seem to be unable to trust love if it is returned. Along with emotional issues my inabilities to have mutually satisfying sex with a partner is also a barrier to romantic love.

I have mentioned before I think I need to nurtured more than loved. I still crave the things I did not receive as a child. Most of my emotional needs are met by caring for others.

I would love to be whole and enjoy both emotional and physical intimacy. If anyone has a magic wand and can make it happen wave away. Sadly at this late stage of my life I will have to wait and see what the next life brings.

I think the problem here is that too many people equate sex with love. True, in what I would call a committed long term relationship, sex is one way those two people physically express their love for each other, but it is not the only way. To have a healthy relationship it has to be based on much more than just sex and physically having sex.

Each of us have many love relationships in our lives. We love our parents, siblings, spouse, children, etc. We love each of these people in different ways, but we love each of them as deeply. The love you feel for your father and mother is different than the love you feel for your brothers and sisters because the dynamics of thos relationships is different, but you love each of those people just as deeply. The same is true of the love felt for a spouse or for your children, and so on for others who are close to you other relatives, family members and friends.

The love a eunuch feels for his family and friends is just as deep as the love anyone else feels for those people in their lives. A eunuch is just as devestated to lose someone as anyone else is. Castration does not change those feelings.

If a married man has prostate cancer. His prostatectomy may leave him impotent. He may also be castrated as part of his treatment. It is physically and emotionally very difficult for him and his wife. But it doesn't end their love for each other. Some aspects of their relationship change, but their love for each other remains strong because their relationship is based on love and not just on physical sex.

So based on this I would say that yes eunuchs can and do fall in love.

By the way, it is said that our most powerful sex organ is not our genitals, it is our brain.

I guess in many ways I have issues with the whole premise of many of these threads where we ask "do eunuchs _____" fill in the blank with what you like. For the most part, many of these questions have very little to do with nuts or testosterone. Women seem to fall in love, and they never did have nuts (in fact, they are usually much more expressive about their feelings of love). So, that eunuchs can and do fall in love, seems to me to be a bit of a non sequitur. Of course they can, and do, why would losing their nuts prevent this?

Other thoughts about how love is manifested are very intriguing. One member mentions the "primal" or instinctual aspect of physical attraction for the purpose of propagation of the species. An interesting idea for sure, which I am sure many biologist's want to believe...the fly in the ointment? Homosexuals. That's right gays, both fall in love, and also have a very determined drive to have sex with a guy they find attractive. Certainly with no hope of propagation. Sex and love, while sex can indeed be an expression of love, sex without love, happens all the time. I don't make judgments, and god knows I've had sex a few times with a guy I did not love, but overall, my attitude is this: God put my hands at the ends of my wrists instead of the ends of my elbows for a reason!

My dear Tugon: Many people experience the inability to return love, and yet they do fall in love. If you sincerely believe these are issues of your upbringing that have ingrained themselves in your personality, you are correct in that changing a personality is nearly impossible, and potentially dangerous. However, learning skills with which to cope with your tendency to pull away, or inability to "trust love" from others is something than can be accomplished and be very effective (with one HELL of a lot of work, it's not easy). Mutually satisfying sex is something that for many (not all--there are some who hold no attachment between sex and emotion, but that's another story) comes from expressing your love in a physical way...and yes until you can express and accept expressions of love, that's very difficult to do. My sincere hopes, that you do find a way, because I happen to think it's worth the effort.

I do personally think there are dozens of ways or uses of the term love. I will not debate the validity of any of them as it's a very personal thing to use the term. For me, I don't like to use the term love, with casual things, and not with people I know only casually, I don't say "I love you" to a friend at the end of a phone call for example, and I've heard other people do this. I tend to reserve using love for a guy that I really am in love with. I've never said I love you to get sex, and if someone EVER tried to use it with me in that manner, I'd walk away. Since I do tend to say I love you, only when I really do mean it, yeah, not hearing it back can very painful.

I certainly do tell my siblings I love them, and in fact my family was always very good at saying those words, always giving you the sense of security when you left somewhere of even for that matter went to bed. There are some other things that I'll share only for that special someone in my life.

A lot of this discussion is about being in love, and I suppose what for many that means (me at least), is that you are in love with a person, and you desire to build a life with that person, build a relationship. Which to me, means to share. You share your friends (not all of them, you do need some independence too) share a home (a home to me is not just a place you live), share your family (huge deal here, as being gay can really create some challenges) and of course the BIGGIE: share yourself. That means share your blemishes (the things maybe you'd rather not share, since maybe you're not so proud of them) and share your hopes, desires, dreams, fears, problems, happiness, grief, passion, excitement...you get the idea, but even your body (sounds strange, but face it, we all at times just need to be held). This is why a relationship, while base on love, requires so much more than love to hold together, it's hard work, and it only takes a little neglect (failed communication, or even an affair) for it to begin unraveling...it's not love alone that will keep two people who really do want to be with each other together.

Hey there Tugon,

What are you specifically thinking when you decide not to return someone's love? Is it worry about yourself being good enough for him? Him being good enough for you? Trust that he'll stick with you?

The sex thing...yeah, that can be a major issue with eunuchs since sex is totally different. But let me ask you this, do you feel sexual and romantic attraction toward people? And if so, what is your response to this?

I know it's hard to open up about these things, especially after a childhood of abuse or even just alienation. But what you're thinking as you push people away, will offer a clue as to what the real problem is.

Good luck and stay in touch. (hugs)

graylayer02 (imported) wrote: Thu Feb 04, 2010 3:49 am Hey there Tugon,

What are you specifically thinking when you decide not to return someone's love? Is it worry about yourself being good enough for him? Him being good enough for you? Trust that he'll stick with you?

Good luck and stay in touch. (hugs)

tugon (imported) wrote: Wed Feb 03, 2010 12:40 pm I have the amazing ability to love others who will not return the love.

This is what I wrote and it is not me who fails to return love. I was specifically thinking of my last relationship where I was told I was loved but the actions and behaviors did not look or feel like love.

Thanks for the well wishes.

tugon (imported) wrote: Wed Feb 03, 2010 12:40 pm I seem to be unable to trust love if it is returned. Along with emotional issues my inabilities to have mutually satisfying sex with a partner is also a barrier to romantic love.

Sorry, I worded it wrong.

[Edited part follows after rereading your last reply]

What is it that didn't look or feel like love to you? When specifically would you feel this way?

Eunuchs certainly can fall in love. There can be some challenges , since for those to abstain from HRT there are sexual issues that must be dealt with. I personally have been in love several times very deeply, both before and after castration. I don't think I can detect a difference in the way that it feels.

Love is about attraction, and emotion, and neither of those can be affected by testosterone. Love also takes many forms, some is very deep and spiritual , and non-physical, and yet other loves are sexually motivated.

I have people in my life that I love very dearly , but would NEVER be physical with, and I also have my S/O with whom being physical is simply amazing.

If anything, the heightened awareness of emotion that comes from being a eunuch , T or not seems to me to make love an even more likely thing, depending on the individuals personal experiences.

Raymar

Sounds like a Great Title for a novel! Now what is the story....

raymar2020 (imported) wrote: Thu Feb 04, 2010 10:37 am Eunuchs certainly can fall in love. There can be some challenges , since for those to abstain from HRT there are sexual issues that must be dealt with. I personally have been in love several times very deeply, both before and after castration. I don't think I can detect a difference in the way that it feels.

Love is about attraction, and emotion, and neither of those can be affected by testosterone. Love also takes many forms, some is very deep and spiritual , and non-physical, and yet other loves are sexually motivated.

I have people in my life that I love very dearly , but would NEVER be physical with, and I also have my S/O with whom being physical is simply amazing.

If anything, the heightened awareness of emotion that comes from being a eunuch , T or not seems to me to make love an even more likely thing, depending on the individuals personal experiences.

Raymar

I agree, in fact I think the question is more about whether intact men can fall in love. Testosterone seems to cloud the feelings of love with those of lust. Could be the eunuchs are MORE capable of love.

I Worship Women (imported) wrote: Wed Feb 03, 2010 3:38 pm I think the problem here is that too many people equate sex with love. True, in what I would call a committed long term relationship, sex is one way those two people physically express their love for each other, but it is not the only way. To have a healthy relationship it has to be based on much more than just sex and physically having sex.

Each of us have many love relationships in our lives. We love our parents, siblings, spouse, children, etc. We love each of these people in different ways, but we love each of them as deeply. The love you feel for your father and mother is different than the love you feel for your brothers and sisters because the dynamics of thos relationships is different, but you love each of those people just as deeply. The same is true of the love felt for a spouse or for your children, and so on for others who are close to you other relatives, family members and friends.

The love a eunuch feels for his family and friends is just as deep as the love anyone else feels for those people in their lives. A eunuch is just as devestated to lose someone as anyone else is. Castration does not change those feelings.

If a married man has prostate cancer. His prostatectomy may leave him impotent. He may also be castrated as part of his treatment. It is physically and emotionally very difficult for him and his wife. But it doesn't end their love for each other. Some aspects of their relationship change, but their love for each other remains strong because their relationship is based on love and not just on

nonuts (imported) wrote: Wed Feb 03, 2010 6:09 pm physical sex.

So based on this

I would say that yes eunuchs can and do fall in love.

By the way, it is said that our most powerful sex organ is not our genitals, it is our brain.

I totally agree. Too many people identify sex with love. They are not the same.