Dissociation between erections and arousal

[JoaoGenerico (imported)]

I am a bottom too (I don't know if of the ordinary variety... I will top once in a blue moon).

If I extrapolate on that idea, would the habit of having sex without caring about being hard/soft destroy the "pavlovian" association between excitement and erection ?

[nonuts (imported)]

I don't think it's that uncommon for bottoms to be limp when they get fucked even though they are extremely aroused. Even as a top, I've cum while limp before, and I really don't think there's much of an issue here physically. If you CAN get hard at all, then the plumbing is usually fine.

Sometimes a guy can be so aroused he is leaking precum profusely, and yet not at all hard. Other times, he'll wake up with the hardest erection he's ever had it's almost painful, the mind is by far the the most importance sexual organ we have.

As to mental aspect, sure maybe there's something there, but chances are you'll go broke on shrinks long before you have a solution, and in many cases they end up just messing you up more. I think penis' can be shy, many times guys have no issues with masturbation alone, but when another person is there, things change.

You mention your sex life is fulfilling? I'd say enjoy it then.

[michelnyc (imported)]

I think that men who don't experience this, or just don't notice it, will have a difficult time understanding what you mean. I knew immediately what you were talking about. This has been my experience for my entire adult life. Many of my sexual partners over the years have struggled to understand. They believe that they are doing something wrong, or I'm not really attracted to them, despite my reassurances that I am incredibly turned on. Why is the penis the "final word" in excitement? The conversations usually go something like: "How about the fact that I practically tackle you and rip your clothes off when you walk through the door? Doesn't that tell you that I want you? Really, it's all about my dick? Oh, sorry, my bad." Then there are the ones who must fondle, suck and fuck, just because I have morning wood. "Really, dear, sometimes I just want to sleep, no matter what my dick is doing." They don't understand, and I don't understand why they don't understand. It's only now as I enter the middle ages that I have developed a bit of a complex about this fundamental "flaw" and sought medical help. Viagra and Ciallis are quite wonderful, but they haven't made any major changes. I did finally have an orgasm from fallatio - a first for me! But aside from that, I'm still not a top and I remain quite flacid when nude in the presence of another man. Sigh. My only wish is that I could push a "button" somewhere and become a raging top once in a while, just to make my partner happy. But then my concern for his pleasure is what really makes me a bottom, isn't it. If I just swaggered around, showing off my cock and demanding that I be pleasured regardless of anyone else, well then, I really would be a top - and probably straight! (Haha - that was joke. Don't flame me cause I'm cynical.) As someone else has said, if your sex life is fulfilling, then enjoy it and stop worrying!

[nullorchis (imported)]

We should not forget that nature's purpose of testicles and erections of the penis is to impregnate sperm into a female for the purpose of reproduction; period. They were not designed to be playtoys. If there was no pleasure in sexual activity the population of the world would be much less. WHY would you want to have sex if it wasn't pleasurable? Ugh.

Unlike most species we engage in all types of sexual behavior simply for the feelings they give us, not for reproduction (there are exceptions). And we have been burdened with so much mental, social and religious baggage about sexual activities, it's a wonder anyone can "get it up".

Nature intended there to be a combination of visual, emotional, physical stimulus factors to activate the desire, and ability, to get aroused and perform. But we humans add in mental desire of pleasure, and ego, and we try to make nature do what it is not inclined to do.

When we try to make the feelings and equipment work "on cue", that just isn't what our natural bodies were meant to do. Then we get all mental about any inability to feel erotic, perform, and get anxious, depressed that we can't have non-stop, or regular personal sexual fulfillment on demand. Our bodies are not like a cable box. You can't have pleasure on demand. Our brains have outpaced the evolution of the body.

Especially as we age, if, and whenever an erotic event happens, SEIZE THE MOMENT. And enjoy it. Give it a helping hand. And if your body doesn't want to do what your mind wishes it could or would do, let it go. Enjoy something else in life, like just being with someone, enjoying their company, doing things together, or doing things by yourself.

For me, getting rid of the sexual anxiety, sexual frustrations, feelings that I do not want or need is the major benefit of getting rid of testosterone. My natural T count is very low.

When I use prescribed T-therapy those wretched sexual feelings well up in my thighs and groin, and I get erections which I sometimes ignore and sometimes enjoy. But either way, they are irrelevant. Not ever wanting to give birth to a child, the whole process is, and always has been completely irrelevant to me.

When I stop using prescribed T-therapy I feel much much better, calm, at ease. The loss of sexual feelings, arousal, erections I thought would be a real bummer. I am very happy that the loss is very enjoyable because I can focus on the pleasures of living life, not on the frustrations of sexual feelings, sexual performance or non-performance. I know I can't perform and I know why, and that knowledge, combined with the inability to perform, has made the quality of my life greatly improved. This seems like a contradiction, but for me, I have found it to be true. I now use just enough T to not have sexual function, but to maintain minimal hormonal health. Too bad it isn't easy for men to easily and cost effectively take something that will reduce excessive amounts of testosterone (or all of it). I think many would discover that the benefits of getting rid of T far outshines the negatives of having to live with it. Once you choose to eliminate the ability to sexually perform, then you are without any anxiety or frustrations. But when you have enough T flowing through your body to give you the desire to perform, but you can't perform 'on cue', due to whatever reason, well, then of course you are going to be all mental about it.

[coinflipper_21 (imported)]

...

Coinflipper: I took a look on the site of NIH (which is fantastic, by the way) and was able to find information to the public,

but not to doctors. Do you have a direct link ?

Can you provide a list of t

hese 22 causes. I can't find it on the NIH

website. Thanks.

I apologize to both of you for taking so long to get back to you. I went back to the NIH site and could not find the checklist. In fact, I could not find the diagnostic aid section for doctors any more. They don't even have the same home page. It was about eight years ago when I saw it. My doctor told me that I should have not been able to get into it without a password anyway. It seems that I found one of those accidental Google-bot back doors. I will be seeing my doctor in a few weeks and will ask him how to find the diagnostic check lists.

[tarrega13 (imported)]

cumming with a soft dick is very satisfying, trying to penetrate another person's anus is very difficult unless the penis is erect and the hole is lubricated. t

[minuteman (imported)]

FWIW a lot of my sexual fantasies (and activities) involve being limp. I'd probably get erect if I was stimulated, but in these circumstances I don't 'auto-erect'. I sometimes even have a problem getting hard to beat off afterwards. I'm straight, but my last encounter was with a guy and I remained soft throughout (dribbled a lot though).

OTOH, I regularly wake up with a regular solid boner...

[nullorchis (imported)]

On the medication / drug front, there are many products that can contribute to impotence.

If you have impotence, or want it, check out this list.

http://www.drugs.com/enc/drugs-that-may ... tence.html

Of course there are other physical, emotional, hormonal and mental factors that may contribute to impotence.

Given the long list of drugs that can cause impotence, and the number of men who take one or more of them, it is a wonder anyone can get it up.