Anger, mood swings, inability to focus my brain, being tired. Inability to complete tasks were all how I felt without hormones. I know you want to be "healthy" but my 2 cents worth on this is that healthy balance includes hormones of some type.

I know you have said feminization is not your goal. That you wish to be "sexless" but have you really explored this in detail? From what I know of your story your father is very negative about any thoughts of transexuality. Is it "possible" that this what you want (Way down deep?) or some form of that?

I know there are some people who have success with staying in the Eunuch state and they are happy to have made it but I think its worth looking at all the options and talking to a professional who can help you explore this. Have you ever taken (for example?) an MMPI test? This might help you ID what your GID issues are.

I'm curious...and you may tell me it's none of my business, after all, it is your body....but you seem to have accepted your feminine appearance, if the avatar photo is how you present yourself...and have done so in a beautiful way...are you concerned that the feminine appearance you present will be adversely affected...or is that just something you've gone with because it was enhanced by the estrogen?

In part i ask, because if and when i'm ever castrated, i'm hoping to feminize myself...my reasons have never been to become asexual, but rather discomfort in my male body.

homptydumpty (imported) wrote: Fri Aug 29, 2008 9:36 pm Coming down of of synthetic hormones I cant stand to think. The feeling of thought angers me. Unable to function within a work environment I escape in order to cope with these intense sensations of rage. I don’t want to be alive within a single moment & within the next there is hope.

this is the feeling i get. this is how i felt tonight as i left work early.

enraged, i do not know why. today i have not taken any hormones. as of now i feel better. i think my mood has stabilized, but earlier it was outlandish.

I cant fathom the idea of hormonizing myself. my castration was deeply situated on freeing myself of hormones. i know now that i do not want to further damage myself with them.

this is going to be a road of recovery for me. i am suffering from withdrawals. but for how long & how much harder i do not know.

emasculateme (imported) wrote: Sun Aug 31, 2008 4:33 am I'm curious...and you may tell me it's none of my business, after all, it is your body....but you seem to have accepted your feminine appearance, if the avatar photo is how you present yourself...and have done so in a beautiful way...are you concerned that the feminine appearance you present will be adversely affected...or is that just something you've gone with because it was enhanced by the estrogen?

In part i ask, because if and when i'm ever castrated, i'm hoping to feminize myself...my reasons have never been to become asexual, but rather discomfort in my male body.

i am not sure....

my main concern is to free myself of the chemical burden HRT has become. I hope that my body being young & resilient will come to a better place without the hormones. what ever effect that may have on my body/appearance is yet to be known....

i do like having my body as it is now, i dont want larger breasts and big hips. . . . .

as of yesterday & this morning i feel great~

One thing I cannot stress enough is that, whatever you decide to do, you are putting yourself at great risk if you do not do it slowly. Your hormonal system is a feedback loop that works to keep your hormone levels where it thinks they should be. If you make a sudden change in the hormone input, the system will oscillate wildly for a period of time till it achieves a new state of equilibrium. This is what is happening in genetic women when they have PMS, their levels of estrogen and progesterin are rapidly switching. The rage you describe is typical of trans people who disregard their doctor's instructions and skip the tapering up or down the dosage of hormones. I have seen people end up hospitalized in the mental ward because a sudden large change in dosage made them temporarily insane. If you decide to stop hormones, start by cutting the dose by 25% for a few days, then 50 and so on. You are much less likely to have a negative reaction.

Transward

Back to the pills.

I felt out of sorts for the time that i was not on any hrt. Being tired yet unable to sleep, sad and angry without a reason. I think i am addicted to the hormones. I have started taking half my old dose & cant wait to get back up to what i was at before, maybe even higher.

I think that i have allot of unresolved issues with my self that need be alleviated, yet i am fearful to face the inner truths which linger within me. There is a lingering need that reappears repeatedly to relate to my peers. I want to be like so many other people around me. For this reason i am unable to stick with one persona for too long, i abandon one feeling to grasp another.

i need help.

Thinking more about the hormones and what they do for me. I feel more real, able to cope with life & events. Being more female than male sometimes seems most important to be, yet at other times both male and female gender is not at all appealing. I have noticed that i always come back to the female feelings, i want a soft feminine appearance as opposed to a rough male image.

It has do be more though, deeper. embedded in my mind is some loss of consistency. am i mentally a shape shifter? unable to remain one thing for too long?

Hi Z:

If Testosterone was wrong, Orchiectomy was right and Estrogen was right and no hormones makes you feel wrong I think the obvious answer is that you could be Transexual. A lot of people have these feelings and push them back and some don't act on them for many many years. I think its good that you are asking questions and trying to figure this out. I'm not saying thats the "for sure" answer but it seems like a good possibility to me and one worth seeking some professional advise on. Search our a doctor who works with people on Gender Identity issues (GID) and ask if this might be the problem and how you can find out and what can be done about it. Sure some of this is difficult and I can't imagine some of the trials you have to go through but... Talk to some medical types to find out for sure and see what your options are.

Also talk to some of the women who have (or are) doing this. There are a fair number active on EA.

Good luck and best wishes!

I am now on the patch and loving it! The mundane task of daily ingestion of a pill was not for me. Plus with my hecktik ever changing work schedule i was unable to stay consistent with taking them & in turn i felt the spike and fall of the medication.

The patch is great. I strongly recommend this form over oral!

Although this is my second round with the patch in two years, this time they are much smaller and clear so the blend in better. For real though, this patch is the size of a press on nail & i change it twice a week instead of once a week, so no more messy, lint trap of a patch hanging on for a week.

z