a set of jumper cables walks into a bar and the bartender says, "hey! i dont want you starting anything!"

A guy walks into a bar --

Says "ouch!"

What did the Snail say, when riding on the back of a Turtle?

Wheeeeee!!

joydivision_27 (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:51 pm What did the Snail say, when riding on the back of a Turtle?

Wheeeeee!!

I have no idea why I like that, but I do! There is a long piece by Mark Twain that Hal Holbrook does. It is an imaginary interview with Twain by a reporter about the death of his brother. I looked for it online. Henri Bergson quotes it in his famous book on laughter.

joydivision_27 (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:50 pm A guy walks into a bar --

Says "ouch!"

That one took several hours!

This works only if you read it out loud.

Deep in a little clearing in the woods grew a beech tree and a birch tree.

Between the beech tree and the birch tree grew a sapling.

Some thought that the sapling was a son of a beech.

Some thought that the sapling was a son of birch.

So the debate raged between those who thought that the sapling was a son of a birch and those who thought the sapling was a son of beech.

Finally the disputants called in an expert to determine whether the sapling was a son of beech or a son of a birch.

They called for a woodpecker to determine what the sapling was, a son of a birch or a son of a beech.

The woodpecker drilled into the sapling and tasted the wood.

He savored the moment.

Everyone waited to learn what the woodpecker would say. Was the sapling was a son of a birch or was it the son of a beech? What would the woodpecker say?

Fianlly, the woodpecker rendered his judgment.

This is what the woodpecker said, “I can tell you that the sapling is not a son of a birch nor is it the son of a beech, but it is the best piece of ash I have ever had.”

There's the story about a lumberjack who came down from the hills once a year to buy provisions and have his handsaw sharpened. One year the hardware store salesman sold him a new, heavy-duty power chain saw.

A year later the lumberjack angrily brought the saw back to the store. "It's no darn good," he complained. I've been sawin' and sawin,' and it don't saw a bit better than my old one."

"Let me try," the storekeeper said. After a few yanks on the starter code, the motor roared aloud. Shocked, the lumberjack cried out, "What's that noise?!"

Knock knock?

who's there?

An interrupting cow

An interrupti-MOOOOO!

A dyslexic walked into a bra...

Q. What is a Shih Tzu?

A. A zoo with no animals.