Why not pierce the nipple of your penis and put a ring with little weights and bells on it. After that you can go out to Burning Man or somewhere and go dancing in the drum circle. Afterwards you can hit a rave or two and then later go moshing along with the punk/ska folks. And of course you can go raving on up to late in the morning if you wanted to. This will also serve to lenghthen your penis but what you gain in length, you will lose in girth and more importantly in useability plus your penis will become a little painful every time you start to have an erection so you try not to have one. This may solve a few of your problems. And hey, it's been fun too.

Forgot to mention that if you do get your penis pierced and put weights on it that a dog chain and wearing combat lace ups simply do not go together but if you do try that, never NEVER under any circumstances whatsoever attempt to tie your own boots but instead have someone else to tie them for you. I had heard later that that poor guy who did that went into shock and they had to scoot him down to the hospital in town and no that wasn't me. But it is fun to go dancing naked in the breeze.