Winter Time - repost of old joke

[Paolo]

'Tis the season for the brave and the cold.

A temperature scale graduated for people in the Great White North:

Temperatures are in Fahrenheit.

This might make you laugh and feel better!

+50

# New York tenants turn on the heat

# Minnesotans plant gardens

+40

# Californians shiver uncontrollably

# Minnesotans sunbathe

# The Red Nun cavorts in a 2-piece bikini

+35

# Italian cars don't start

+32

# Distilled water freezes

+30

# You can see your breath

# You plan a vacation in Florida

# Politicians begin to worry about the homeless

# Minnesotans eat ice cream

# The Red Nun has extra hot fudge

+25

# Boston water freezes

# Californians weep pitiably

# Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you

# Jesus' (A) wife gets very irritable

+20

# Cleveland water freezes

# San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA

# Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts

+15

# You plan a vacation in CANCUN!!!!!

# Minnesotans go swimming

# (Mind that red 2-piece!)

+10

# Too cold to snow

# You need jumper cables to get the car going

# The Red Nun's habit turns into cardboard and breaks

0

# New York landlords turn on the heat

# Jesus' wife flees the state for Tahiti

-5

# You can hear your breath

# You plan a vacation to Hawaii

# Entire population of the South dies

-10

# American cars don't start

# Too cold to skate

# Jesus' wife sets the house on fire for heat

-15

# You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo

# Miamians cease to exist

# Minnesotans lick flagpoles (this can go a few ways!)

-20

# Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you

# People in Lacrosse think about taking down screens

-25

# Too cold to kiss

# You need jumper cables to get the driver going

# Japanese cars don't start

# Jesus' wife books passage to planet Mercury

# Minnesota Twins head for spring training

-30

# You plan a two-week hot bath

# Minnesotans shovel snow off roof (after putting swimsuits up)

# Half of the lower Midwest dies

# Talula dances nude on I-94

# Riverwind goes into hibernation

# Gem notices that it's wintertime

-38

# Mercury freezes

# Too cold to think

# Minnesotans button top button

# The Nun turns on the heat

-40

# Californians disappear

# Florida glaciates

# Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you

# Minnesotans put on sweaters

-50

# Congressional hot air freezes

# Alaskans close the bathroom window

# Green Bay Packers practice indoors

# Everyone south of the lower border of MN dies

-60

# Walruses abandon Aleutians

# Minnesotans put gloves away, take out mittens

# Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

# Altar boys deliver "holy ice"

-70

# Minneapolis residents replace diving boards with hockey nets

# Ridgeway snowmobilers organize trans-river race to Buffalo

-80

# Polar bears abandon Baffin Island

# Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

# Native Alaskan kids are still out swimming

-90

# Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles

# Wisconsinites migrate to Minnesota thinking it MUST be warmer

# Wisconsinites get a big surprise

-100

# Santa Claus abandons North Pole

# Minnesotans pull down ear flaps

-173

# Ethyl alcohol freezes

# The Nun's communion whiskey freezes (she's pissed!)

-445

# Superconductivity

-452

# Helium becomes a liquid

-454

# Hell freezes over

-456

# Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90 (must be MN escapees?)

-458

# Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution

-460 (Absolute Zero)

# All atomic motion ceases

# Minnesotans agree as to how it's getting a "mite nippy"

# Native Alaskans look at Minnesotans and just shake their heads

[Arab Nights (imported)]

I remember one summer working very close to the Mexican border. When the heat finally broke, I returned to the apartment and noticed the chill. I lit the pilot, cranket up the heat, then checked the thermostat. It was 72.

You are wrong about Italian cars. They quit at +80.

[JesusA (imported)]

You've got my wife exactly right, though the cats insist on sleeping in bed with us at +50. By +40 they want to be under the covers.

[Dave (imported)]

You've got my wife exactly right, though the cats insist on sleeping in bed with us at +50. By +40 they want to be under the covers.

WHAT? You think those kitty cats is dumb? Not a chance in the world. Them thar are needy animals that crave warmth!

[Paolo]

Bump this old one up!

It's cold again!

[kristoff]

Balmy... only -20s tonight

[MacTheWolf (imported)]

Paolo The -30 one was classic

[transward (imported)]

I must rise to the defense of Italian cars. I have driven two different 1967 boat tailed Alfa Duettos for a total of about 25 years, plus shorter periods with various Fiat sports cars, and found them suprisingly reliable, including a number of trips through midwinter Montana and Wyoming at -20, and starting was not a problem. I know of several Alfas of similar vintage with over 200,000 miles on the aluminum DOHC engines. Vastly more reliable than the MGB I owned.

Transward

[Riverwind (imported)]

I agree with the REAL OLD GUY the -30 was the best, and its true.

BTW, International Falls Mn, was -39 today before wind chill.

Did you realize that -40 is the same C and F?

River

[Mac (imported)]

I agree with the REAL OLD GUY the -30 was the best, and its true.

BTW, International Falls Mn, was -39 today before wind chill.

Did you realize that -40 is the same C and F?

River

Yes, I knew that but don't want to see -40. The coldest temperature which I have experienced was around -20 F.