Smart Ass Answers

Post Reply
Charis (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 157
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2007 6:00 am

Posting Rank

Smart Ass Answers

Post by Charis (imported) »

SMART ASS ANSWER #5 -- It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked.

'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #4 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub..'

SMART ASS ANSWER #3-- A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #2-- The cop got out of his car and the kid who

was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said. The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #1-- A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, ' Low Bridge overhead.' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out o f his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh'? The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.'

Two bonus extras:

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50 Christmas stamps?'

The clerk says, 'What denomination?'

The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.'

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

He never heard the shot....

🙄
speedvogel (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 202
Joined: Sun Aug 24, 2008 9:46 am

Posting Rank

Re: Smart Ass Answers

Post by speedvogel (imported) »

Good ones.

The husband in the last one probably, no definitely deserved the shot.

Speed
kennath7 (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 476
Joined: Sat May 13, 2006 4:18 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Smart Ass Answers

Post by kennath7 (imported) »

Here is one of my favorites that I use quite often

When ever some one ask me a dumb question I replay with

A smart ass answer

They call me a smart ass

I tell them it is better to be a smart ass than a dumb ass
Eunuken (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 345
Joined: Tue May 20, 2003 9:35 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Smart Ass Answers

Post by Eunuken (imported) »

kennath7 (imported) wrote: Tue Dec 30, 2008 12:46 pm Here is one of my favorites that I use quite often

When ever some one ask me a dumb question I replay with

A smart ass answer

They call me a smart ass

I tell them it is better to be a smart ass than a dumb ass

I prefer to use "Intelligent Rectum"

Ken
ms baby (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 2:11 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Smart Ass Answers

Post by ms baby (imported) »

Several years ago, a coworker said something, and without thinking I answered with snappy comeback.

The guy turned to me and said, "Hey! You being a smartass?"

I replied, "No. I was being facetious."

And then he said, "Well all right. As long as you weren't being a smartass!"

Gerri
Post Reply

Return to “Jokes, Links, Media & More”