what was your worst mall parking lot experience

[Dave (imported)]

Mine was at the Death Valley Mall. I swear the buzzards were circling the car. A woman with battleship hips and 5000 packages slipped on a wet spot and that ended shopping for the day. You migh say that Santa came early that year but it was more like (well, I shouldn't kiss and tell)... But the gifts were sparse that year.

[FianceeUvBigGuy (imported)]

From Yoli's "Why I get all my shopping done by November, and mostly via the net." files:

A couple of years ago, maybe a week before Christmas, I picked up a friend at the airport. Said friend was going to spend Christmas at friend's parents' home here in SA and also par-tay with us.

As we left the airport friend said "Oh, since North Star Mall is so close, can we stop there for a moment (MOMENT?!)" Being the ever-helpful Lil' Yoli I chirped "Sure! Why not?" Well, heres why not...

It was about 10AM and the parking was already at a premium. We wound up reenacting The Bataan Death March, only in freezing weather rather than tropical heat. Once in the mall, it was like being one of a dense coating of squirming maggots on a corpse.

We fought our way to the store she sought and, after waiting at least twenty minutes for the vacuum-brained bimbo behind the counter to finish a non-sales related nattering with an acquaintance, my friend made her purchase and we charged back into the churning mass. Like salmon determined to spawn we fought our way to the exit nearest my car (if 457 miles is "near") and made the arduous journey to said car.

We had no sooner reached the car when a cop popped up from beside a nearby car and yelled "Get down! There's some nut with a gun in that truck and he's already shot at (and missed, I'm happy to report,) two people. Turns out this guy (a hotblooded latin type, all too typical here,) had trailed his ex-wife and her mom to the mall and was determined to see that "If I can't have her, no one can!"

Well, we plopped to the pavement, which was wet and nasty with accumulated gunk, and lay quivering until we heard a shot and an "All clear."...Game over. Police 1, SOB 0. (I found out later the guy shot himself.)

We rose and I then realized my keys were no longer in my grasp. Sure enough, when I hit the deck the keys tumbled under the car...dead center.

Sooooo...Princess Yoli crawled under the car, part way, sufficient to reach the keys.

My coat, hosiery, and shoes, all the $$$ variety, were a mess when I rose to my unsteady little feet. My attitude was in even worse shape. I'da killed Santa, Mrs. Claus, all the $^%#! reindeer, and the slower elves if given a chance at that point.

Just as I tried to insert key into hole, a car pulled into the adjoining slot, on the passenger side of my car. My friend, awaiting entry, suddenly shrieked "No, not on meeeee!" and I thought Your Friendly Parking Lot Perv had appeared (all large lots have them, y'know?) and was spuzzing on her.

Well, no such luck.

Y'see, so soon as that newly-arrived car came to a halt the back door on OUR side opened and a brat (male) about 8 years old came lurching out in vomiting mode.

My friend received a generous helping of what appeared to be pre-owned donuts and hot chocolate, starting at her knees and collecting in her high heels. Wot fun!

The ride home was VERY cold, since we had the windows open and the heat off. We had over 20 miles to go but it seemed like, well, 457!

Me, go anywhere near a mall parking lot between Black Friday and January 10th? (all those returns, y'know.)...Forget it!

With a Ho-Ho-Effing Ho!

Yo(li)

From Angel atop the tree to Grinch in 2.4 seconds...don't test it.

[Arab Nights (imported)]

Mine was at the Death Valley Mall..

If you mean the one in Beatty, NV, she got her just desserts. Hospital time in Pahrump.

[Kangan (imported)]

From Yoli's "Why I get all my shopping done by November, and mostly via the net." files:

A couple of years ago, maybe a week before Christmas, I picked up a friend at the airport. Said friend was going to spend Christmas at friend's parents' home here in SA and also par-tay with us.

As we left the airport friend said "Oh, since North Star Mall is so close, can we stop there for a moment (MOMENT?!)" Being the ever-helpful Lil' Yoli I chirped "Sure! Why not?" Well, heres why not...

It was about 10AM and the parking was already at a premium. We wound up reenacting The Bataan Death March, only in freezing weather rather than tropical heat. Once in the mall, it was like being one of a dense coating of squirming maggots on a corpse.

We fought our way to the store she sought and, after waiting at least twenty minutes for the vacuum-brained bimbo behind the counter to finish a non-sales related nattering with an acquaintance, my friend made her purchase and we charged back into the churning mass. Like salmon determined to spawn we fought our way to the exit nearest my car (if 457 miles is "near") and made the arduous journey to said car.

We had no sooner reached the car when a cop popped up from beside a nearby car and yelled "Get down! There's some nut with a gun in that truck and he's already shot at (and missed, I'm happy to report,) two people. Turns out this guy (a hotblooded latin type, all too typical here,) had trailed his ex-wife and her mom to the mall and was determined to see that "If I can't have her, no one can!"

Well, we plopped to the pavement, which was wet and nasty with accumulated gunk, and lay quivering until we heard a shot and an "All clear."...Game over. Police 1, SOB 0. (I found out later the guy shot himself.)

We rose and I then realized my keys were no longer in my grasp. Sure enough, when I hit the deck the keys tumbled under the car...dead center.

Sooooo...Princess Yoli crawled under the car, part way, sufficient to reach the keys.

My coat, hosiery, and shoes, all the $$$ variety, were a mess when I rose to my unsteady little feet. My attitude was in even worse shape. I'da killed Santa, Mrs. Claus, all the $^%#! reindeer, and the slower elves if given a chance at that point.

Just as I tried to insert key into hole, a car pulled into the adjoining slot, on the passenger side of my car. My friend, awaiting entry, suddenly shrieked "No, not on meeeee!" and I thought Your Friendly Parking Lot Perv had appeared (all large lots have them, y'know?) and was spuzzing on her.

Well, no such luck.

Y'see, so soon as that newly-arrived car came to a halt the back door on OUR side opened and a brat (male) about 8 years old came lurching out in vomiting mode.

My friend received a generous helping of what appeared to be pre-owned donuts and hot chocolate, starting at her knees and collecting in her high heels. Wot fun!

The ride home was VERY cold, since we had the windows open and the heat off. We had over 20 miles to go but it seemed like, well, 457!

Me, go anywhere near a mall parking lot between Black Friday and January 10th? (all those returns, y'know.)...Forget it!

With a Ho-Ho-Effing Ho!

Yo(li)

From Angel atop the tree to Grinch in 2.4 seconds...don't test it.

Yoli,

You and I have similar Karmas. Adventure always finds me too!

[NaziNuts (imported)]

Mine was at the Death Valley Mall. I swear the buzzards were circling the car. A woman with battleship hips and 5000 packages slipped on a wet spot and that ended shopping for the day. You might say that Santa came early that year...

If she hadn't seen your avatar,

there would have been no wet spot.

-NN

:dong:

[randy (imported)]

During high school my best friend and I did our best to spread holiday cheer. One year during an especially busy Christmas rush we hurried to his car just to realize we were at the wrong car. But by the time we realized it two cars had lined up to take our spot. He looks at me and says, "Dude, bail (run away)." "Bail?" i asked. "Yeah, bail" he said triggering us to run away. Later we realized it was kind of harsh but really funny in the same token. So for the next couple of hours we would walk to up to any car in the prime parking spot in the lot then wait for a couple cars to line up. We would smile at them as the began to sing joy to the world because they were about to get the best spot in the lot. He would fumble with his keys as I stood at the passenger side of a car that wasn't ours. Then just as the driver of the lined up car started to get frustrated with our measured dawdling. We would run away at top speed. Ahh we must have done that 100 times.

(this part of gets a little crude if you are sensitive to teenage flatulence.)

When that got boring we had to think of something else to up the fun. Where I am from the lots get so busy people are actually willing to pick you up as you are walking and drive you to your car so they can be next in line for your spot. Well once we realized this flaw in the system of holdiday auto storage we had ourselves a couple of Tommy's chili burgers (http://farm1.static.flickr.com/36/83301 ... d17047.jpg) and fries (http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii24 ... oto-99.jpg). Well known among our families to create tail vapors so vile, as his father put it: "Our Tommy's farts could take the wallpaper off the walls."

So filled with grade D chili we would hitch a ride, pile in, point them to our imaginary car. As they drove we had a system of hand signals to signal when we had a gas bubble on deck ready to bust. Then in a beautiful moment of anus synchronization we would vent the wretched gas brewing in our stomachs, leap out of the car and quickly shut the doors. Then run away and watch the fun ensue. The best one was a young guy who got out of his single cab truck, spitting up a storm while repeating, "that stench! that stench!"

[Arab Nights (imported)]

Just to amuse yourself, you should have farted as you drove down the freeway and see if the people in the car following gagged. I've known two guys that could do that.

[Dave (imported)]

I park in a handicapped space. I have for 37 years now. And one winter night quite a number of years ago, I come out to find a large land-whale (SUV) parked next to my car, blocking the driver's door. Like about a foot away. It sat on the crosshatch lines that you are not supposed to park on.

So I went back into the mall and the sales lady called mall security. I convinced the security guard to back up my car far enough for me to get in and as I was packing all the crap that I use to get around, a tall woman with a single package comes sashaying out of the mall and walks up to the SUV. She stared at my car because the hand controls are silvery and are so obvious when the door is opened. There's this big handle that just can't be missed. Not to mention a wheelchair laying next to me on the passenger seat.

I closed my door and prepared to pull away. The security says to her, "Lady, you blocked in a handicapped car" and she bats her eyelashes and says "Oh, I didn't realize it." and proceeds to open her car and start to climb in.

The security guard informed her that she wasn't going to leave until he wrote the ticket. I didn't hear her response but she wasn't in good cheer after that. I think it finally cost her $150 hard earned dollars. And the sad part was, the parking lot wasn't all that crowded.

That was my worst parking lot experience. Not getting a space is just an inconvenience, getting parked in, that's a real bummer.

Watching a fat woman slip at the Death Valley Mall was fun (in a cruel way)...

[kristoff]

My worst was when two guys thought it would be great fun to park a foot or less away from my car - one on either side. It was nigh impossible to get in, but I managed it - I was rail thin in those days. Once I managed to back out, I thought it very fortunate that I carried a great many tools in my trunk. I was given great applause by the several onlookers who watched me repair the uncracked glass on those cars, before I drove away.

[kennath7 (imported)]

When I was 17

My sister and I where taken care of my uncle who was probably in his 60s

He had a stroke which paralyzed his entire left side could not speak a word

So any way we talked our parents to let us take him out of the house

To take him to the shopping mall to look at the x-mass displays

We pulled up to a handicap spot

And just as we pulled in 2 cars pulled next to us on either side

The car that pulled in on the right was 1foot away and I kindly pleaded with the driver to move his car over enough so we could get my uncle out and in his wheelchair

He got belligerent with us and went in to the so I backed the car up

Got my uncle out and pulled back in to our space

After a couple hours we went back to discover that same car was still there

We went back in and shop lifted a small steak knife got back to our car backed it out got my uncle back in the car and before we left we cut all his valve stems

My poor uncle tried so hard to tell on us the next day but was un able to