Castration for Sexless Marriage?

[ALLREADYDONE (imported)]

Thanks. I should perhaps fill in a few blanks. The first is concerning

[quote="SexlessC23 (imported)" ti

me=1223524380]
the illness I alluded to earlier.

It was a metabolic disorder, since successfully treated and corrected. One of the effects of that disorder, is hypogonadism. In the year or two prior to diagnosis, I gradually lost sexual function, my testes and penis shrank, and I lost most of my libido. Moreover, I lost considerable erectile function, to the point where I had NO nocturnal erections, and stimulated erections were very weak making intercourse either very difficult or impossible and when possible, not very pleasurable for either party. I also lost a lot of penile sensitivity. I'm sure some of you here recognize those symptoms

I got lucky and was diagnosed, by fluke, before the damage became permanent (most men are diagnosed when it is too late as the testes are gradually destroyed, as well as other organ systems; left untreated the disorder is invariably fatal). Most of the changes have been reversed: my libido returned to normal (verified by measured testosterone levels and my own experience), my erections have improved (I get night erections again, though I have not recovered full erectile ability, only about 80%, and still sometimes need erectile aids to "perform" adequately or maintain an erection). One thing that did not improve is penile size, I lost about 1.5" of erect length and that appears permanent.

In short, I found the hypogonadal state very much to my liking, it was calm, I loved not waking up in the morning with a painful hard-on, and especially, being able to relate to women as persons and not objects of sexual desire. Another blank to fill in: I have a mild degree of gender identity issues (took the SAGE test), and have always been ambivalent about my genitals. My wife is aware of these issues though they bother her very much. I found that when I had a fulfilling sex life, those issues were kept very much below the surface. Now that my sex life is very unsatisfactory, they are resurfacing. I expect or rather hope that with no sex drive, these feelings will soften like my erections

My wife is probably starting menopause, but she's an "all natural" sort of girl and made it clear she will let nature take its course and will not do anything to soften the changes (such as hormones) including changes to her sex drive. So I have to swallow my lumps. And I have no desire to go outside my marriage.

Hence the test drive for castration. I should also point out that medical supervision won't be a problem: my wife is a physician and in fact was the one who diagnosed my disorder. I hope to get the courage to bring this up and ask for a prescription for Androcur, and also a
[/quote]
ppropriate tests to ensure that I don't have any problems.

This is really between you and your wife. If you have talked it over with her than give it a try. Chemical castration works and I am sure you will be enjoying the results in no time.

[Kortpeel (imported)]

It's not fair that in midlife she just makes the choice that you will have a sexless marriage. I think I'd dump my wife or make it clear that I'd have my needs met elsewhere, or else.

It is usually the case when a wife withdraws affection from her spouse that she is seeing someone else. Then she projects her guilt onto the husband to give her an excuse to be cold toward him, if not actually hostile.

Check out this possibility before you do anything. If she is playing up get out of the marriage. She knows exactly what she is doing and you don't.

Unless you have some secret reason to be castrated keep your testicles and do not even mess with them (with Androcur or whatever). To lose them for a woman who doesn't give a damn for you is not a rational course of action.

Kortpeel

[amahl_shukup (imported)]

Hi, I am new here. I have an issue where my wife of 20 years has seen her libido more or less shut down in the last couple of years.

For religious reasons, sex outside our marriage is not possible.

Please help!

John

Well if you feel that way, OK...but I'm more and more coming to the conclusion that "sin" doesn't exist except in the mind. As was stated so eloquently in the movie "What the (BLEEP) Do We Know?" sin is an outmoded way of thinking...today, people think in terms of behavior that evolves us as opposed to behavior that does NOT evolve us, and extramarital affairs can fall into both of those categories. I don't mind stating here that I was married and in a similar age group as you, and when the sex went away in our relationship I developed a physical and emotional love relationship with a woman in my circle of friends. Neither of us wanted to change our domestic situations (she was married too and in a sexless marriage), and it never did worry me about the morality of the situation, which is a bit odd since I live in the Bible Belt, but I left religion a long time ago. She and her husband ended up moving away, and within two months I began another relationship. This relationship came to the attention of my wife and we decided to divorce amicably...that was her call, but I still refuse to feel guilty about seeking sex where it was available. The lady and I still continue to see each other in a dating and sexual way, but neither of us have any desire to move in together or get married. Do what you think is best for you, but I don't see the moral dilemma myself.

[coinflipper_21 (imported)]

Well if you feel that way, OK...but I'm more and more coming to the conclusion that "sin" doesn't exist except in the mind. As was stated so eloquently in the movie "What the (BLEEP) Do We Know?" sin is an outmoded way of thinking...today, people think in terms of behavior that evolves us as opposed to behavior that does NOT evolve us, and extramarital affairs can fall into both of those categories. I don't mind stating here that I was married and in a similar age group as you, and when the sex went away in our relationship I developed a physical and emotional love relationship with a woman in my circle of friends. Neither of us wanted to change our domestic situations (she was married too and in a sexless marriage), and it never did worry me about the morality of the situation, which is a bit odd since I live in the Bible Belt, but I left religion a long time ago. She and her husband ended up moving away, and within two months I began another relationship. This relationship came to the attention of my wife and we decided to divorce amicably...that was her call, but I still refuse to feel guilty about seeking sex where it was available. The lady and I still continue to see each other in a dating and sexual way, but neither of us have any desire to move in together or get married. Do what you think is best for you, but I don't see the moral dilemma myself.

Have I seen this story time and time again. One partner turns off the sex, usually refusing to discuss why or what may be done about it, and then gets upset to the point of divorce when the other partner decides to scratch the itch. This happens even if the partner having the sexual relationship is being discrete, and the sexual relationship is no danger to the marriage.

I'm just guessing, but it's a fairly safe bet that when amal_shukup's wife ceased to be interested in sex she did not say why (at least not with any reason that made rational sense) and refused to discuss the issue. It seems that most people in this country, not just women, are not programmed to think rationally about this subject, and our upbringing, in this society, does not even permit, let alone encourage, the discussion of this between partners. That's not even considering that the partner refusing sex may have a hidden agenda for doing it.

If your marriage has become sexless because your wife is refusing sexual affection I would try to get to the bottom of it, even if it takes extensive therapy, (or a private detective) before considering getting yourself castrated to "match her sex drive". She just may have some other reason for making you want to do it.