Is it better to get buggered by a man or a woman?

[chilliwilli (imported)]

...I personally know three men who have been sexually abused as children. Myself and two friends, all of us are single with issues.

My friend "Jim", was molested over an extended period by a close male relative. He is most certainally gay, but shuns the lifestyle do to familial respect. His family is very involved with the catholic church and missionary work. He's fucked. He cannot maintain a relationship with a woman despite great social skills. He is a nice guy with no criminal record and attractive.

My buddy "Xris" got placed in foster care for 2.5 years with a couple, male/female, that was into little boys. For the duration he recalls getting into bed with the two, individually. He's fucked. He is a complete hustler, a liar who manipulates emotions and relationships to get by. He is bisexual and places little or no value on close emotional bonds. We get along great as ex-street kids.

I got completely fucked by my mother. For the rest of my life I'll be a 5 year old boy. I'm fucked. I need a whole ring of adults around me just to cross the god damn street. I get told I can advance in my career and personal life whenever I want to. Based on conversations with my buddies and my own experience I know this is shit!

Today I am pissed off like hell, why the system let myself and "xris" stay in these homes is unforgiveable. And no body gives a damn. I'm not ashamed anymore, as a young man I think I subconciously hid my condition. People think the shit is funny, and nobody gives a shit.

It's all about if "uncle ernie is screwing his niece or father o' rielly is touching the choir." I feel like a POS that was born to pump money into the system and do all the crap no one else wants to.

I seriously feel like going down to the creek and fucking up a day in the sunshine for the college kids.

So I have begun to realize that this country tolerates, if not supports certain types of molestation. So all the BS aside, As a male is it better to get buggered by a female, male. or both? No sympathy, just what are the advantages and disadvantages of both.

the disgruntled domestic

chilli-

[jane_says (imported)]

Chilliwilli, I am so sorry that happened to you and your friend. I want you to know that it's NEVER the child's fault. I hope you know that already. Not every adult is out to hurt children. It makes me murderous to hear of shit like that. I hope you are somehow able to work through the issues your mistreatment has caused you. You are right that there seems to be so much abuse going on that it seems like people must be giving these assholes a pass sometimes. I have often wondered if there is more of it going on now or if society is just more willing to talk about it than in the past.

[tugon (imported)]

Chilli I know your anger and rage. I spend many days wondering who I might be today if I had been left alone to have a normal childhood. As a child who never learned to stand up for myself it was easy for people to victimize me as an adult. Have I learned to stand up for myself? A little but not consistently. I find it easier to be behind the locked door of my apartment.

For a number of years I found it very easy to manipulate others. I sometimes wonder if I have real emotions or if I feel the way I think I should from watching others. Hell I do not know if I am real. Parents die and I feel relief. I am not sure if that is because I feel safe from the abuse and negativity or I no longer have to worry about their being ashamed of me.

I was never in a foster home but the family home can take it's toll on a child. I do not think it matters on who your abuser was or where it happened. I do know they took something precious from you as they did me. They stole our childhood. I understand what it means to respond like a child in some situations. It takes a lot of energy to make myself respond as an adult when I want to throw a tantrum.

I hope you and your friends can find what peace we can have.

[Paolo]

Chilli I know your anger and rage. I spend many days wondering who I might be today if I had been left alone to have a normal childhood. As a child who never learned to stand up for myself it was easy for people to victimize me as an adult. Have I learned to stand up for myself? A little but not consistently. I find it easier to be behind the locked door of my apartment.

For a number of years I found it very easy to manipulate others. I sometimes wonder if I have real emotions or if I feel the way I think I should from watching others. Hell I do not know if I am real. Parents die and I feel relief. I am not sure if that is because I feel safe from the abuse and negativity or I no longer have to worry about their being ashamed of me.

I was never in a foster home but the family home can take it's toll on a child. I do not think it matters on who your abuser was or where it happened. I do know they took something precious from you as they did me. They stole our childhood. I understand what it means to respond like a child in some situations. It takes a lot of energy to make myself respond as an adult when I want to throw a tantrum.

I hope you and your friends can find what peace we can have.

God, I could have written this word for word.:-\

[OneBallBoi (imported)]

I too can echo Tugon and Paolo. My Mom controlled my every move till the day she died. I too was molested by an elder in the church. Someone who should have been respected and trusted but wasn't really worthy of that. I can feel the pain all three of you felt. I understand. And just like you; my sisters and my brother would not lift one finger to help.

[ramses (imported)]

I was molested (iguess you could call it that) by my brother when I was 4 or 5. I don't feel it affected me (but then again most people would think a guy with a castration fixation, might just be fucked in the head...) in any real way. He is 3 years older than me and there were only a couple of times and there was no force in any way. I have never let him know that I remember as I'm sure he would be horrified to think I might remember. I would never let on to him that I remember because I just don't see a point in doing that to him. I have never told anyone about this or written it anywhere. What really bothers me is that someone must have done something to/with him to give him the idea of oral sex (he was 7 or 8) in the first place.

I'm lucky that it was only a few times and not a childhood full of abuse. I'm sorry that some of you other guys had to go through what you went through.

[Paolo]

In answer to Chilli's original question, I guess you have to go with the lesser of two evils.

That's IF either can be less evil than the other.

Man on girl, woman on boy, or vice versa - I think it's all equally damaging to a child's forming psyche.

In my case, it was only one time. I can't imagine having to endure something like that over and over.

[chilliwilli (imported)]

Thanks for the reflections. I know some days are worse than others, some lives are tougher than others, and some parts of life are harder than others.

Spending time with a friend and his family for labor day was great. However, to see what he has and has worked for and the ease with which life has brought him all it has to offer hurts. It hurts to have worked so hard and find oneself empty and then finally find out why.

Life can only get easier from here.

superman. (the five for fighting version, not the man)

chilli-

[A-1 (imported)]

...I personally know three men who have been sexually abused as children. Myself and two friends, all of us are single with issues.

My friend "Jim", was molested over an extended period by a close male relative. He is most certainally gay, but shuns the lifestyle do to familial respect. His family is very involved with the catholic church and missionary work. He's fucked. He cannot maintain a relationship with a woman despite great social skills. He is a nice guy with no criminal record and attractive.

My buddy "Xris" got placed in foster care for 2.5 years with a couple, male/female, that was into little boys. For the duration he recalls getting into bed with the two, individually. He's fucked. He is a complete hustler, a liar who manipulates emotions and relationships to get by. He is bisexual and places little or no value on close emotional bonds. We get along great as ex-street kids.

I got completely fucked by my mother. For the rest of my life I'll be a 5 year old boy. I'm fucked. I need a whole ring of adults around me just to cross the god damn street. I get told I can advance in my career and personal life whenever I want to. Based on conversations with my buddies and my own experience I know this is shit!

Today I am pissed off like hell, why the system let myself and "xris" stay in these homes is unforgiveable. And no body gives a damn. I'm not ashamed anymore, as a young man I think I subconciously hid my condition. People think the shit is funny, and nobody gives a shit.

It's all about if "uncle ernie is screwing his niece or father o' rielly is touching the choir." I feel like a POS that was born to pump money into the system and do all the crap no one else wants to.

I seriously feel like going down to the creek and fucking up a day in the sunshine for the college kids.

So I have begun to realize that this country tolerates, if not supports certain types of molestation. So all the BS aside, As a male is it better to get buggered by a female, male. or both? No sympathy, just what are the advantages and disadvantages of both.

the disgruntled domestic

chilli-

NEITHER!

No kidding, the Alcoholics Anonymous has perhaps the best way to deal with rage against somebody who is dead. It involves going to their grave and telling them what you think about what they did to you.

Sometimes, it is best to do this by writing a letter and taking it to the grave and reading it to them and then burning it.

You see, the crime is that they STILL control you, from beyond the grave by what they did to you. However, you CAN break this hold and you CAN have a better life.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, deal with this now. Put it behind you and you will grow stronger, progress and move on. Mull over it and dwell in it and it will poison your life. You will die the way that you are now.

IF these people are still alive, DO NOT contact them directly without a counselor to assist you. I AM NOT talking about a RELIGIOUS counselor, either. I am talking a about a professionally trained counselor who deals with these issues. Talk to Jesus. Our Jesus. He knows people and he may be able to point you in the right direction.

But you have to WANT it. It is NOT easy to overcome this kind of life experience. YOU CAN DO IT, but you must work hard at it.

This goes for any of you with these issues. This is like a mental abscess. The longer it stays walled-up inside your mind the more toxic it becomes. It is psychically painful to do this, but if you want to be well and to feel good you MUST do it. Otherwise, it can KILL you, just as sure as it was a physical disease, infection or a cancer.

It is worth doing. YOU are worth saving. But YOU are the only one who can do it.

Somewhere inside you is the child that this happened to. YOU are an adult now and only YOU can save that long, lost, abused child. Only YOU can protect that child. YOU can succeed where those who raised you FAILED so MISERABLY. If you do not do it that inner child will be abused every day until the day that you die. This is why you cannot move on. YOU have become fixated by this abuse and it is the central theme of your existance. That is just plain WRONG! You are much, much more than a mere victim.

Please, seek help. IT is there for you....

[JesusA (imported)]

Chilli,

Listen to A-1. He understands and is caring. You know where I am. Give a call if you think I can help. I plan to be in your neighborhood again in a couple of weeks. Maybe we can get together then to talk about this (as well as other, more fun, things).

J.