what is this pill i take & why?

[homptydumpty (imported)]

This is an on going question i myself find passing threw my mind.

I cannot say anything much about the anti-androgen's, other than while i was on propecia and then proscare my body seemed to melt away. i got to my lowest weight ever. 125lb. for being 6' that's low.

The estrogen that i have been taking falls under the name estropipate (1.25{1.5MG}tab).

. I think that mentally i have become fixated on taking it. for what reason i have soon forgot. the end result i am looking for is not to become a women. Maybe i do feel a strong desire to feel & look feminine, yet i still hold onto my penis. literally & think of being androgynous.

While on the anti-androgen's, mind you post op, i lost all desire to be sexually active. Except for in situations where i felt the desire of another to be so.

lately i have been missing my daily HRT & for whatever reason am again thinking maybe i could function more fully without it. which brings me to my point.

For many years there has been people and animals living life neutered and HRT free. Could i do the same? A fear is preventing me from living this way, that fear is that of a lack to function.

i just want to be me. Free of dependency on medication.

Could i ask a question, i am sure many have been asked & answered.

To all the eunuchs or neutered beings on the archive who do not take any HRT, What is your life like?~

z

[tugon (imported)]

I have never taken any HRT. Sometimes I miss my old body but not my old behaviors. Well I still have an old body but it has feminized a little. My mind and sense of self is becoming healthy. As a eunuch I am my true self.

Sexuality for me is driven by emotions now but there is still a lot of healing to go. T before castration kept me sexual but self destructive. I am afraid HRT might take me back to those days.

[mrt (imported)]

This is an on going question i myself find passing threw my mind.

I cannot say anything much about the anti-androgen's, other than while i was on propecia and then proscare my body seemed to melt away. i got to my lowest weight ever. 125lb. for being 6' that's low.

The estrogen that i have been taking falls under the name estropipate (1.25{1.5MG}tab).

. I think that mentally i have become fixated on taking it. for what reason i have soon forgot. the end result i am looking for is not to become a women. Maybe i do feel a strong desire to feel & look feminine, yet i still hold onto my penis. literally & think of being androgynous.

While on the anti-androgen's, mind you post op, i lost all desire to be sexually active. Except for in situations where i felt the desire of another to be so.

lately i have been missing my daily HRT & for whatever reason am again thinking maybe i could function more fully without it. which brings me to my point.

For many years there has been people and animals living life neutered and HRT free. Could i do the same? A fear is preventing me from living this way, that fear is that of a lack to function.

i just want to be me. Free of dependency on medication.

Could i ask a question, i am sure many have been asked & answered.

To all the eunuchs or neutered beings on the archive who do not take any HRT, What is your life like?~

z

I never did Estrogen but I spent quite a while with low Testosterone and it didn't feel good to me and more important didn't feel right to others around me. Angry, anxiety lots of issues that looked like mental depression. Some people function well with low to no hormones. However pets don't get a choice so forget about Cats and Dogs!

Are you sure that wanting to hang on to your penis and not transition to female is what you really want? Be honest.

If I were you I would ask myself what I would want in a perfect world. For example if no one was upset with your choice one way or the other. What would you do? If you were suddenly given the gift of being reborn in either sex which would it be?

Trust me I understand the "addiction" feeling you have about hormones. I think that the body craves that which it needs. Be it water or Testosterone in my case or Estrogen possibly in you case. When you take it and you feel "right" I think thats a good indication. Trying to go off it might be of value to see how you feel but whatever you do remember there are long term effects that are not easily reversable the longer you stay on any hormone. And some of it maybe wiring in the brain.

Good luck!:D

[homptydumpty (imported)]

Trying to go off it might be of value to see how you feel but whatever you do remember there are long term effects that are not easily reversable the longer you stay on any hormone. And some of it maybe wiring in the brain.

The hormones i am on now are changing my body, in many ways. i have small breasts & find that more & more men are giving me increased attention. Also mentally i think that my mind set has become foggy or less perceptive to what i want. the more i get used to the HRT the less thought that goes into it....

See, i think this is what i am frustrated over. i want to be healthy and happy but to what extent. Is the only way to be so by taking HRT? Or could i come to a natural healthy balance without?

Truthfully i think that i take the hormones due to a fear that without them i would quickly become useless in today high speed, Go go go mindset.

[coinflipper_21 (imported)]

This is an on going question i myself find passing threw my mind.

I cannot say anything much about the anti-androgen's, other than while i was on propecia and then proscare my body seemed to melt away. i got to my lowest weight ever. 125lb. for being 6' that's low.

The estrogen that i have been taking falls under the name estropipate (1.25{1.5MG}tab).

. I think that mentally i have become fixated on taking it. for what reason i have soon forgot. the end result i am looking for is not to become a women. Maybe i do feel a strong desire to feel & look feminine, yet i still hold onto my penis. literally & think of being androgynous.

While on the anti-androgen's, mind you post op, i lost all desire to be sexually active. Except for in situations where i felt the desire of another to be so.

lately i have been missing my daily HRT & for whatever reason am again thinking maybe i could function more fully without it. which brings me to my point.

For many years there has been people and animals living life neutered and HRT free. Could i do the same? A fear is preventing me from living this way, that fear is that of a lack to function.

i just want to be me. Free of dependency on medication.

Could i ask a question, i am sure many have been asked & answered.

To all the eunuchs or neutered beings on the archive who do not take any HRT, What is your life like?~

z

My personal experience with no HRT is that it was the worst time of my life. My depression was so great that I lost all zest for life. Life had a palpable thickness to it as though I was walking around under water all the time. Now, my loss of testosterone production was the result of a medical problem and not by choice. So, when I realized what was going on I went straight for the testosterone replacement optiion. (I had no desire to be a woman or androgynous. Besides, I would make a damn ugly woman.)

As for how someone will react to no testosterone or estrogen in their system, I don't think that a endocrinologist could tell you without examination since there is such a broad range of individual differences. Unfortunately, our mental state is very dependent on the level of the gender related hormones in our system. My sense of your situation, based on no particular scientific qualifications, is that since you are a young person you will have to decide which way you want to go and take the appropriate hormones to maintain mental balance until you are older. Being mentally gender neutral is, chemically, very hard to maintain unless you were born that way.

As far as the cats and dogs are concerned, we don't really know what the mental effects of being neutered...we can't ask them. :-\

Good Luck!

[jlc9292 (imported)]

I am glad to see this thread because I have been very frustrated with the HRT issue as well. I am a eunuch so any testosterone my body sees comes from a bottle, not a sack. Since my orchiectomy there have been periods of shots, gels, and nothing taking me from levels of testosterone of around 1300 with E2 levels of 110 to levels of “T” of 13 with no E2 detectable. I have experienced high “T” with E2 at <10 as a result of Arimidex and have experienced periods of high hemoglobin, high hematocrit, acne, sleep apnea, hot flashes, cold sweats, nightmares, ED, libido, and a host of other problems. I have never had issues with depression but was prescribed depression meds at one time to see if they would help. They did not. All this has occurred over the last 12 years or so with my orchiectomy being done in 2005. I am currently 64 years old.

Having read many threads, and chatted with many people who have been on and off HRT, the only conclusion I can reach is that each individual responds differently to HRT or none. There are a couple of general issues that come to mind in sorting this out. First, the mental and physical health of the individual is a prime consideration. Secondly, the sexual and gender orientation of the individual plays an important role.

Mental and Physical: There are many threads and articles available that give adequate warning as to the physical ramifications of no HRT. Osteoporosis (loss of bone density) is at the top of the list when discussing this with physicians and second only to depression. In addition, an elevation of Hematocrit due to injecting testosterone poses a very real stroke potential. All of these are manageable through drugs and other means. Other less serious but irritating issues may include loss of muscle, redistribution of body fat, breast development, feminization, hot flushes, cold sweats, loss of libido, sexual orientation, etc. This is not intended to be an inclusive listing, just a sampling.

Sexual and Gender orientation: There seems to be a fairly clear distinction to the response of being eunuch for those who come by it by choice versus those who are forced into it by medical necessity or accident. Those who are eunuchs by choice seem to be able to adjust to the lack of testosterone much easier than those who were not willing subjects. There are many who truly find their real self only after becoming eunuch. It seems that those folks were never really at home with their “male” or “female” identity and are very much at ease with “eunuch” identity. Additionally many have found themselves, due to apparent genetic malfunction, living in the wrong physical body. To them, transforming the body to align with the mental image is true freedom.

Now, HRT or no hormones: Where do we see ourselves in this complicated maze of physical and emotional pathways. I believe the proper approach to hormone supplementation may be found in first realizing who we really are and then working with an Endochronologist that is sympathetic and attentive to the needs of the individual and able to understand that males and females are not all “cookie cutter” copies of the original mold. It is difficult to find such a doctor but the search is well worth the effort.

I do not fit the mold that most doctors want to cast. When on testosterone I always had health issues. High Hematocrit, hot flashes (regardless of level above 100), cold sweats, mood swings, anger, acne, sleep apnea, nightmares, impatience, and others. When I had my testosterone level down to castrate level (13) and did not take any HRT, virtually all these problems dissolved and I felt great. No hot flashes, cold sweats, depression, anger, sleep apnea, nightmares, etc. The down side of that was a complete loss of libido although I was able to perform when my wife showed interest and enjoyed the sexual expression, more as an expression of love than a fulfillment of desire. Thanks for drugs like Levitra and Prostaglandin. I am still frustrated with dealing with the ramifications of taking HRT and the potential health issues of remaining hormone free.

I encourage those who have been through the wringer of HRT or not to add their experience. There is still confusion in my mind as to the long term ramifications of no HRT on a 64 year old eunuch.

[mrt (imported)]

The hormones i am on now are changing my body, in many ways. i have small breasts & find that more & more men are giving me increased attention. Also mentally i think that my mind set has become foggy or less perceptive to what i want. the more i get used to the HRT the less thought that goes into it....

See, i think this is what i am frustrated over. i want to be healthy and happy but to what extent. Is the only way to be so by taking HRT? Or could i come to a natural healthy balance without?

Truthfully i think that i take the hormones due to a fear that without them i would quickly become useless in today high speed, Go go go mindset.

It maybe of value to talk about the HRT that is used by women. They often take a compounded cream that includes Estrogen (at times more then one type), Progesterone and a female level of Testosterone. What I'm saying is that you might be able to resolve your mental fog by balancing a natural form of all major hormones in amounts balanced for a woman. But....

A HUGE but this is going to wire you female. And from many things I've read you will see changes that won't be easily changed back. In fact you may already be wired brain wise female so I think you really need to iron out if thats the direction you want to continue on or if being male or Eunuch. Have you even sat down with an expert who works with GID? Have you ever taken one of those tests like the MMPI to see how "female" or "male" you score? If you don't choose but still take Estrogen your still making a choice.

Jerry made some good points about all people having different reactions to HRT. I think one thing I didn't mention is that many weeks to months had to go for me to become "rewired" male. I had some short term effects that were positive but it was FAR from being complete.

I had issues with soaring E2 as well and when I got those under control things got a better. The bad period caused issues with some feminization issues.

[homptydumpty (imported)]

I am again at a cross road.

The choice to slowly remove myself from HRT has been made.

Unlike any other decision i have made most recently this one is based of instinct alone.

[Blaise (imported)]

This is the sort of thread that I follow. I rarely post on them, but this is the core of the archive for me. Thanks for the posts.

[homptydumpty (imported)]

Coming down of of synthetic hormones I cant stand to think. The feeling of thought angers me. Unable to function within a work environment I escape in order to cope with these intense sensations of rage. I don’t want to be alive within a single moment & within the next there is hope.

this is the feeling i get. this is how i felt tonight as i left work early.

enraged, i do not know why. today i have not taken any hormones. as of now i feel better. i think my mood has stabilized, but earlier it was outlandish.

I cant fathom the idea of hormonizing myself. my castration was deeply situated on freeing myself of hormones. i know now that i do not want to further damage myself with them.

this is going to be a road of recovery for me. i am suffering from withdrawals. but for how long & how much harder i do not know.